I'm a 19 year old college student and my boyfriend is 21 and in his last year of undergrad at the same school that I attend. We have been dating since June 2008 and I really think that he is the one that I want to marry. I have dated a lot of boys in my past (when I was not religious) but never connected with any of them like I have connected with my current boyfriend.
My bf (let's call him B) and I have so many things in common because we come from similar backgrounds and have the same values. We both grew up in the same area, we both have the same group of friends, we both think family is more important than anything else, we both are very thrifty with our money, we both want to have kids, and we are both Catholic. I think we are already so far ahead of most couples our age in regards to values compatibility and future plans.
Now I say that B and I are both Catholic, but if you had to rate level of religiousness on a scale of 1-10, B would be a 6 and I would be an 8. In general I feel like I am more inquisitive about my faith and am constantly seeking out books, articles, forums (like this one!) to learn more about Catholicism and grow closer to God. However, B doesn't do any of this. In fact, when I try to talk to him about religious things, it seems like a very one sided conversation.
See, B is not normally a talkative person at all, and usually it doesn't bother me. He has explained to me that it's just a difference between girls and guys. And I've read articles that have confirmed this difference in gender communication: Girls talk to form relationships and guys talk to seek information and get things accomplished.
Yet, this definitely bothers me. I want to be able to talk with B about God and our relationship with Him and also pray together- but at this point it's just plain awkward. He's told me before that to him religion is something very personal and not something he likes to share with others. I've experienced this first hand when he refused to go on a retreat with our campus ministry because there would be "group sharing." He went on a similar retreat at his Catholic high school and HATED it.
I know in my heart that a solid relationship is founded on God and that a couple should help each other grow closer to God. But sometimes it almost feels like I'm dragging him...
I respect that everyone is on a journey to God and some are farther along than others, but how close should a guy be to God before I can seriously consider tying the knot with him?
So I guess my question is mainly directed to guys (but girls feel free to share your opinion): how do I get my boyfriend to open up about his personal relationship with God? And if I can't get him to open up, will this doom our (possible) marriage?
Other background information that could be potentially useful:
We both attend mass together on Sundays but he never goes with me to praise and worship because he disdains it. We fight about this sometimes. He says it makes him very uncomfortable. But I love praise and worship so much and I've had ideas of maybe leading my own worship band at my local parish. I can't imagine doing this without his support : (
We currently struggle to remain sexually pure. We were having sex for a few months, but have since stopped (we both felt it was wrong and felt very guilty about it) but we are still tempted by oral. However, B doesn't think oral sex is as bad as sexual intercourse and thinks it's no big deal if we do it. He still admits that it's wrong but just doesn't want to give it up. He receives Communion when we go to Mass but knowing that this is a mortal sin I don't...and when I've tried to talk to him about it we just end up agreeing to disagree. I think B knows it's wrong but doesn't understand WHY it's wrong, and lacks the curiosity to research why. And that really bothers me!
Please help me. I want to know if I'm wasting my time being with him.