My relationship with my mother is shallow, at best. We don’t argue or fight, but we aren’t close. She doesn’t practice her faith, while my husband and children are striving wholeheartedly to be holy. In my marriage, we have put our family first, immediate and extended, while my mother continues to place other relationships ahead of her children and grandchildren. She criticizes our lifestyle to others, and has openly shared her dislike of my husband and his family with others. She is not a bad person, and I try to be understanding of our differences and wants in life, but still, it hurts that my children aren’t getting time and love from their grandmother, and I’m being forgotten as a daughter.
For over a decade I never once brought up any of my feelings regarding this situation, because I feared confrontation, but at the same time, resentment has been building. I am always respectful, but I am getting to the point where I become so upset with her flippant attitude toward her children and grandchildren, that I am often left upset and hurt for days after any encounter with her.
There are many small situations, but for example, I have been alone in the house with our five children while my husband was gone on business, and once we had flooding, and another time a 8hour power outage, and my mother made plans after I told her about the emergency (she had a hair appt once, and other time dinner with a friend going through a divorce that “needed” her), and I was unable to get any help with the kids or cleanup/contractors. It was terrible, and I really needed her, and only ask when I REALLY need something, but she had better things to do.
There is a huge part of me that wants to sever the tiny threads that remain of the relationship, purely for my own stability, and rely on prayer alone to heal it. But I always feel that my feelings and hurt need to be pushed aside while I tolerate the relationship out of respect and honor to my mother.
I am considering spiritual counseling for this situation, as I want to proceed correctly with the right balance of following my faith, while respecting myself as well. I’m simply asking now to get an idea of what how much is reasonable to tolerate from a parent?