Relationship (rather no relationship) advise


#1

My ex-fiance just emailed me. All he said was “hey” but it’s enough to put dread in my heart. It’s the first time we’ve spoken since we broke up at the end of July. I emailed him back on a whim, but now I almost wish I hadn’t.

We’ve had an on and off relationship for over a year. We dated right after we met, got “engaded” a month later. Then he started having problems with drugs and broke up with me. After he got clean, we dated for short time a few months later, and then broke up again. This summer he moved to Florida and we got back together for a few weeks. In that few weeks, dispite being several hundred miles apart, we did impure things. Mostly against my better judgment. Sometimes I would fake it, just to please him. Because I “loved” him. After a very emotional confession, and a lot of support from my priest, I broke up with him.

I do not want him in my life, even if it’s just emails and phone calls. I cannot go through this ordeal again. Especially with school being so stressful (he chooses the begining of one of the most stressful weeks of my life to try and get back into my life). My only problem is that, dispite all he’s done to me, I still love him.:crying:


#2

Well, instead of telling him something permanent like, “Don’t contact me again,” you could try something gentler and easier to understand, like, “I’m not ready for us to talk again.” “Ready” being the word that will make it easier to say.

Good for you for keeping strong and avoiding returning to an unhealthy relationship.


#3

Can’t you block his e-mail?

Loving him isn’t good for you. Ask God to help you stop loving him. —KCT


#4

They really know when to pick their moments, don’t they!:o

Remember, Goth, you deserve better than to be messed around . I do understand those feelings of still loving him but you have to look past those and focus on what’s best for you and your long term future - right now school is a big part of that.

Be strong, for your own sake, and let him know that you cannot pursue a relationship with him - that time has gone and you have moved on with your life. Wish him well and say goodbye.
I’ll pray for you, I have been in your situation.
god bless,
Pat


#5

Hon, I’ll be praying for you! I know what you mean by the worst moments! My ex dumped me on my father’s birthday (when I was already having a really ****** day, but due to distance, he didn’t know that, though he knew it was my dad’s b-day). We’re still friends but I can see that God did not want me in that relationship. My ex would joke about doing sexual things to me, he’d joke about how I was “book smart” but that’s it, and he had no respect for my religious beliefs. I stood strong throughout our relationship and prayed for him (he used to be a devout Christian ,which is why I was with him in the first place and I honestly thought he didn’t mean the other stuff, now I see those were warning signs). Of course, I was devastated. Luckily, the first night, a couple of my girlfriends saw me and one of them gave me the hugest hug and let me sob. The next day, a very sweet, caring guy (he’s the one I’ve been posting about lately) heard the news (he warned me that it would happen) and he took me aside, said, “let’s talk” and just let me spill my guts while he gave me advice and consolation. God really put some angels in my life who showed me that I didn’t need to depend on men to show me what I was worth.

Goth, you are worth infinitely more than the way you were treated. Jesus loves you so much. You’ve come off as a very intelligent, faith-filled girl who has a lot of compassion for others and God will use that. Lol, I was too scared to get out of a relationship when I couldn’t see the outcome but God carried me through and to be honest, I’m very glad that we broke up. Remember, God will never give you a snake when you ask for food! You just have to be willing to let go of what harms you so that He can give you what is good for you!

God bless and peace!


#6

Goth, you may “love” this guy but he is just bad news. Do not email, do not IM or text him - NO CONTACT even for politeness’ sake. IMHO, he has caused you to sin and he’s not worth your immortal soul. Not to mention that if he has done drugs once, he could do them again.
Spare yourself the heartache and cut all communication. Just my two cents.


#7

He used you. Suggest you get a new email. :frowning:


#8

It must be hard, still loving him. It’s a part of you. It probably happens for a reason, perhaps also for a purpose. What you are defines what you feel and what you feel defines what you are. You wouldn’t be the same girl if you didn’t love him. But you don’t need to be abused and you can’t really be with him. If you continue loving him without being with him… maybe it will pass, maybe it will stay. Either way, you won’t adjust it by just waving your hand and doing the trick. It’s simply something you must go through to be yourself. It can’t all be too easy. Suffering is a part of our experience and it lets us now our priorities are kept straight… or what we are is strong and prevailing. I don’t know what else to tell you, but you’ll probably have received much more advice.


#9

I’m in a hard spot right now. He emailed me again

*it usually always is
how are things?
the same?
*

I want to reply back so badly. If I do, and we keep in contact, I know in my heart things will go back to the way they were. He’s not abusive, just persucive. When we broke up, I wanted to stay with him, I just wanted the impurity to stop. He told me he didn’t want me to do anything I didn’t want to do, but he couldn’t be chaste, therefore he couldn’t be with me. He was my fiance. He was the person I wanted to give myself to. He felt the same way about me, I know he did, and probably still does. We talked about everything. We made wedding plans, and I mean actually wedding plans. The church, the decorations, the dress, the reception. It’s foolish, i know it is, the more I think about it, the more I hate him. But I keep thinking, we’re still young, there is still a chance. But not unless he changes. God knows I never will. I also don’t want to be attacted right now, I’ll be a senior next year, and he’ll move yet again, this time to Italy. It’s not fair to me, I know it isn’t. But lord above, I wish it was easier.

I still want him in my life…but yet I cannot have him there…I’m tore between replying and deleting.


#10

Delete, and get a new email!


#11

He won’t keep sending me messages. He sent me that one, because I replyed back to him. Most of the time I had to berath him to reply to me.


#12

“He told me he didn’t want me to do anything I didn’t want to do, but he couldn’t be chaste”

He isn’t firm in his train of thought, he used you to satisfy himself and now he is emailing you meekly hoping for something.
You better delete the email, or you will see the saga will continue, it’s not easy, just when you are getting your life back in direction Satan will use the traps.

Get a new email, really.


#13

Yea well, the more you respond to him, the more likely he is to respond back.


#14

I know


#15

Don’t talk to him. Resist the urge. even though I’m still friends with my ex, I make it a point to talk infrequently, at least until I know all drama is over. Honestly, I don’t need to talk to him that much.

I met guys at school who are the sweetest around women and would literally give their lives to protect girls’ innocence. You deserve that! And they do exist, in the most unlikely places!!


#16

C’mon, girl! You can do it! Delete his email, delete your email account and get a new one. He is totally disrespecting you and you are disrespecting yourself by allowing it.

Choosing not to interact with someone doesn’t mean you can’t have a Christian love for him. Just have a love from afar, with prayers and no contact!

Love can make us do crazy things, but have you taken some "me’ time to look into why you are still attracted to this man?


#17

Love someone who can really love you back.

Pray for your ex, pray as hard for him as you have ever prayed for anyone, that he stays clean and has peace and happiness in his life. Then go out and join a book club or church group or deliver an aid-for-friends meal and keep busy. Pray and God will answer your prayers, He always does.


#18

I deleted his email and blocked his address


#19

Good for you!:thumbsup:
Give yourself time to get over your feelings for him, and I promise you, you will find someone who really loves you and would never hurt you.
God bless,
Pat


#20

Good for you. That took a lot of strength.

Love, like faith, is ultimately a choice we make.

Walk away from this man.

(I sound like a mom, don’t I :wink: )


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