Now my boyfriend and I are both Catholic. We have the same morals and values (ie. no sex before marriage, no use of contraception within marriage.) I know I love him. We have been together almost 5 months, by the way. We are dating with the intention of seeing if we are right for each other for marriage in the future (not the near future, mind you.) We are both in college. He is my first boyfriend ever. Things seem to be going really well. He’s my best friend and boyfriend, all rolled into one. He’s all that I could ever ask for in a man.
This is what concerns me, though. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a girl or just because it’s my first relationship, but I worry ALL THE TIME. I constantly obsess over whether or not he believes I’m pretty or if he might be interested in another girl or if we might break up and I won’t know what to do with myself. I have almsost broken up with him several times simply because I’m afraid: afraid he might leave me, afraid he might stop loving me, afraid things might not work out. Everyone in my family is calling me crazy. They say that when you’re in love you’re supposed to be happy all the time. And I am extremely happy when I’m with him (I feel a strange peace and joy with him, happier than I’ve ever been before.) But when I’m not with him (ie. at home or at school), I worry and become very anxious and question whether I really love him. The fear of losing him and the fear that I might find happiness with someone else in the future is crippling me. I sometimes worry about my love for him because of what society says about love. Dep down, I know I love him and want to be with him all the time. But society and people always say that you’re supposed to be super happy all the time and you’re supposed to get butterflies and your heart is supposed to beat really fast when you see him. But none of that happens with me. I’m just really comfortable when I’m with him. Sometimes I even start to wonder what I would do and who I would date if he and I ever were to break up. I don’t think or fantasize about other guys - I only want my boyfriend - but sometimes I think about how my experience with my current boyfriend will make the next person think I’m a good kisser or something like that. That’s the thing, though: I don’t want anyone else. I just want my boyfriend. I really hope we end up together and can spend our lives together forever. Is my thinking just wanderlust? What does this mean? Does it mean I’m frocing it? Does it mean I’m not in love?
I want our relationship to work. I’m pretty sure I love him. And he says that he loves me. We are both very happy together, and I’m working on overcoming my insecurities in our relationship (I’m praying on it.)