Hello. I have something I would like to discuss. Its something that has been bothering me for a while now, and a friend of mine made it infinitely worse last night.
First, I should say a little about my self. I am 23. Male. Already graduated college, has a full time job, and living on his own. I recently moved to a new city so I don’t know many people here. Never had a relationship. Oh, and Im also don’t like categorizing myself as catholic. For the most part, I gave that up a few years ago (another issue I don’t want to talk about). However, I attend the YA groups in my college a lot. And have tried to get involved here also. I also have been diagnosed with clinical depression, which has been getting worse actually.
Ill summarize the problem the best I can first. But keep in mind, this is all a mess in my head. So ill do my best to make it clear. Long story short, I want to wait until Im married to have sex. And I would greatly prefer the girl to wait also.
I should also explain why I want to wait… I want to wait because I would prefer to give myself to just one girl. If I have had multiple partners, and then end up getting married, I would feel guilty because my wife would not have been the only one to have me. Id feel like those other partners of mine would have a piece of my that my wife couldn’t… Plus, I don’t want to build a strong emotioinal attachment to my first partner for the rest of myself. And id like it to be reciprocated on my wifes side.
However, this has been bothering me for a number of reasons.
- Theres the whole, “I want to but I don’t want to” thing. That im pretty sure most people feel. Itd be fun to do, but after the fact, it wouldn’t be a bad consequence for me. In fact, incredibly bad. I have been getting some pressure from a few of my friends (mostly girls, as most of my friends are girls), that I should just “get it over with.” Cause I could see why that could help (if I was skilled enough to just sleep with a girl just like that anyways). However, just based on my own personality, along with my depression, having sex before marriage would be terrible. I would feel unimaginabley guilty that I had sex. I would feel guilty because I would feel bad that a potential wife wouldn’t have me for herself. I would feel ashamed that I couldn’t stick to my principles.
- The fact that I havnt had sex at 23 (even though most of me wants to wait) is unimaginably embarrassing for a guy. And I am sure a lot of guys out there can attest to that. I mean, most people lose their virginity at 17. There are kids out there more experience that me. In fact, I think the stats are somewhere at around 90% of people losing their virginity by 23. It makes me so insecure about it.
- Becaues of the fact that most people have been having sex there are less girls who are chaste. This means that there are less girls out there for me to date. Now I know that people are going to say that I should judge a girl by whether or not she has had sex. And I understand that. And I don’t. Most of my female friends have. But for me to date someone who has had sex… I feel like it would be difficult. I would be jealous of her partner(s). I would be embarrassed of my lack of relations. I would be afraid that she would want to seduce me.
- This one is strange for me. I have a lot of female friends. And it bothers me that thye have had sex. And please don’t get annoyed with me for saying that. I mean, I know these girls. And I never think of them as having sexual sides. And it just bothers me. I don’t know why. (And I am sorry if that sounds sexist. I don’t mean it to).
- Recently, I had a friend who got pregnant after dating someone for only 3 months. This blows my mind. First of all, lots of people have sex only a FEW DAYS after dating! I can tbeleive that. I cant imagine that happening. Even if I was willing, I would have to wait a few months first… But most people give it a few days… My friend (who I cant imagine ever doing it to beging with), is now engaged and is happy. But still…
- And about my friend last night… I texted her asking her to hang out. She responded in the most inappropriate, excplicit way. Like she was taunting me.First, I should say she is a good friend. I can talk to her about lots of things. But she is extremely sexually active So, I texted her, and she said (im paraphrasing) “ill text u bad, im about to have sex”. (Now she said this using some pretty vile language. I don’t want to use it here, cause I think this post might get taken down if I do). I responded saying ‘I don’t need to here this right now. Im having a bad week and I want to talk to u.” And then she said “I know. Im just want you to imagine it, and itll give u some motiviate to find someone”. At this point I started getting mad. I don’t want to go into detail about what I said, cause its not really important. But then she responded, “well I hope this helps u feel better” and she sent a lewd picture (not of her). Now, im pretty sure the girl was aroused out of her mind when she was texting me. But everything about the situation just exacerbating all the problems ive listed above.
- And I feel like there is more, but I am not able to think anymore.
I would appreciate some of yall’s thoughts. And I greatly appreciate the effort you took to reading this. Espiecally cause of the length and all my spelling mistakes. I also appreciate the responses I get from the community at catholic forums.