Relative with anger/emotional & verbal abuse issues


Im not really sure where to begin but a male(lapsed catholic) relative (who i do love very much)has never been married but has had many long term relationships.Currently this relative is in a four year relationship & is abusive verbally & emotionally to the woman.It has become so bad that i avoid going to see them.The problem is this is not the first time.This has happened in every one of the past relationships also.In two cases physically abusive aswell.

In the past i had told the relative this is not right & spoke with my parents (devout catholics)about this.Unfortunately my parents were defensive & i was made to feel disloyal to the family even though one of the previous women was a very dear friend of mine and it ended in court!

My father passed away in 1996.

I had not been in contact with this relative for about 2 yrs until last year.I only met the partner in April,she is very nice.She has a couple of times said he is so moody and angry.I said she should not put up with this behaviour,she says she is too old to meet anyone else (she is 52) and woulld rather put up with it than no relationship.

My mother is very protective & defensive of the relative.If i say anything i am villified by her & treated poorly.Mother enables him & encourages him.He has sworn at her most profusely & in fact been very abusive indeed to her...but i dare not say anything.My husband has to walk away or mum would cause a family war.

I am always the ogre in the family! I guess i should just keep out of the way
I just am seeking advice


I don't know what to say really.

Pray, it *ALWAYS * helps.

Stick to what is Right, and True.

Talk to the people affected, and to those you think need to hear this.
Talk, simply talk things out.

Asking A Holy Priest for help doesn't hurt either, Priests should be able to help. :)

I am sorry this is happening to you, and your family. :(

Everyone please pray for tbcrawford and her family. :)


I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to your statement about being seen as the family ogre when you try to do the right thing. I am going through the same thing with 2 sisters but for a different reason. I have come to the conclusion that the more I do right, the more I am hated because of their own guilt and shame. What a Catch 22 they place me in!

It has caused an estrangement between us and I honestly don't know if it will ever be repaired. Right now, I am struggling with even caring enough anymore to want it to be repaired. Makes me feel ashamed before God to be so hurt and angry but I can't even pray for help yet. It has hardened me that much.

God Bless. Let's pray for each other.


It is really up to his partner to stay or go. You could tell her that if she ever needs anything, to call including staying at your house if she has to get out. Also give her the name of the women's shelter in the area. They usually have group meetings or are willing to see her privately to advise her of their services.


THANKYOU so much for your respones ALL were helpful.

Angel,you are right prayer ALWAYS helps and i will talk to my priest as soon as i can.

momor i am so sorry you are also in a dreadful family situation with your sisters.I totally understand how you feel.Yes indeed i will pray for you and your family also.

aircurt thankyou for your words of wisdom.These are the things i have done in the past & i have been villified by my family but i guess i needed reassuranca that it was the right thing to do.This situation has been like this for so long i have questioned myself so many times am i wrong to not be loyal to my relative?Of course it is wrong what he has been and continues to do but i guess i just feel it is only me that says this is wrong.

God bless you all for your kindness and care


You called her his partner, so I am assuming they are not married, living together, unchasted. A woman who allows herself to live with a man she is not married to is already making a very bad decision and this decision often leads to an abusive relationship.

Your relative is preying ( sorry to use such a harsh word) on women with low self esteem. I have a relative like this. I have been blessed by praying for my relative that he stay away from women and so far he has.
He has been living a chaste life for years. Now I pray he comes back to the Church.

Pray for your relative and the poor woman that this situation comes to an end . If she asks for help, give her all the support you can.

Pray Pray Pray! When God puts a burden in our heart, I think He wants first and foremost our prayers!


m crane thankyou for your advice

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