Hello. It seems that God is asking me to become religious. I heard this call twice in my personal prayer and this one community is very willing to accept me, them and the priest that is serving with them has told me they believe this is my calling.
I was very upset over this for a while and not wanting this at all. I was feeling imprisoned, feeling that God is being pushy and not loving at all.
After some time I realised what this actually meant. It's loving and serving God in a wonderful way and being there for those in need and forgetting my own desires and needs. I know this brings peace and joy, of course I know this would be very difficult at times but I also know that gain is eternal...and I actually love God very much, he has my heart.
After relising this, I felt at peace. (before this, whenever I thought about becoming religious I just wanted to scream and cry and actually wanted to run away during Mass at times)
Besides all this, I would very much want to be married. I feel this is the best testimony out there, a perfect way to bring other people close to God and become more holy, I would love to belong to a man and have children, and be a homemaker following my parents example. I think if I was religious whenever I would see a happy family I would cry.
How do I choose my path according to God's plan if I know that God would love me either way? And after I've chosen, how do I stay faithful to this plan?
I kind of think God would want me to be religious because that's my least favourite option of the two.