Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles

This is satire, of course, but it hits rather close to the mark.

The Onion:

Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles

PALO ALTO, CA—A new report published this week by researchers at Stanford University suggests that Americans spend the vast majority of each day staring at, interacting with, and deriving satisfaction from glowing rectangles.

“From the moment they wake up in the morning, to the moment they lose consciousness at night, Americans are in near-constant visual contact with bright, pulsating rectangles,” said Dr. Richard Menken, lead author of the report, looking up briefly from the gleaming quadrangle that sits on his desk. “In fact, it’s hard to find a single minute during which the American public is not completely captivated by these shining…these dazzling….”
“I’m sorry,” Menken continued. “What were we discussing again?”

According to the report, staring blankly at luminescent rectangles is an increasingly central part of modern life. At work, special information rectangles help men and women silently complete any number of business-related tasks, while entertainment rectangles—larger and louder and often placed inside the home—allow Americans to enter a relaxing trance-like state after a long day of rectangle-gazing.

Researchers were able to identify nearly 30 varieties of glowing rectangles that play some role throughout the course of each day. Among them: handheld rectangles, music-playing rectangles, mobile communication rectangles, personal work rectangles, and bright alarm cubes, which emit a high-pitched reminder that it’s time to rise from one’s bed and move toward the rectangles in one’s kitchen.

Okay, forget biting my nails on this one, I actually bit my whole hand. ;w;

P.S.

Will I be excused if I said I ran an internet cafe? :o

No. :stuck_out_tongue:

This story just grabbed me cuz I caught myself getting frustrated last Sun. going thru all the channels on cable and finding nothing to watch.
I finally resorted to a non-glowing rectangle (a book).

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