Something has been bugging me lately, and honestly, it’s giving me a bit of a crisis of faith (just a little one). I guess it “nags” at me in a way.
For some reason, it seems to me, that the Church I am going to is “requiring” devotions (which I always though of as personal and optional). For example, a few weeks ago at Mass they passed out pledge cards and asked us to fill them out. On them, we were to pledge two things. -“I will pray the Rosary daily with my family” and the other option was - “I can’t pray the Rosary daily with my family, but I will say a decade a day and work up to it” (or something along those lines). There was no way to decline. The next question was about adoration and was the same basic thing, you could pledge to do an hour of adoration a week or 10 minutes a week–either way, you “had” to pledge to do adoration.
I pray the Rosary daily, but something about having to pledge bothered me. As for adoration, I can’t think of a “nice” way to say this, but that’s not the way I like to pray or honor God. Until I moved here, I’ve never belonged to a Catholic Church that even offered an adoration chapel.
Anyway, I filled out the pledge card, but then folded it and put it in my purse. I didn’t put it in the collection baskets they passed around.
My daughter is in CCD and they required her, for homework, to go to adoration–so I took her. But if they require her again next month, I am not sure what I will do (it falls on a weekend and it happens to be her father’s weekend–the Church doesn’t approve of his lifestyle and therefore, he doesn’t like the Church).
I can kind of see the point of adoration for CCD (since they are studying for First Holy Communion). But again, it still bothers me in a way that they are dictating devotions to families. I am fond of the Rosary and Divine Mercy and I’ve been teaching them to my daughter. I also private do a devotion to St. Joseph daily. So I am not against devotions. But I want to choose the devotions I want to do–not have them picked for me. Then that makes me question if I am disobedient to the Church and then I start having a mini crisis (if I am going to be disobedient to one thing, does that make me a cafeteria Catholic which leads to me thinking “why exactly am I Catholic anyway if I want to pick and choose.”) I just ask the questions to myself, I am not going to act on them. But I don’t like that this is somehow leading me to question my faith. Honestly, it’s stressful.