I’ve just graduated from high school and I’ve been discerning a religious vocation for four years. I know that I’m never going to be married (as God does not want this) and feel called to become a contemplative nun. I’ve found a community that I like and want to visit, but absolutely cannot because of my mother. The situation is that I’m taking a year off at home and my Mom thinks that I’m going to be going to university afterwards, but in reality I have no intention of doing so. I don’t have an American driver’s license (due to the fact that I was in Germany for high school) and am not financially independent. We’ve talked about my vocation before, but she thinks that this is crazy nonsense and that I’m going through a ‘phase’. I am afraid that compromise is almost impossible and I’ve begun to really resent her because this is my dream and she is really making me suffer because of her stubborness. I know that it isn’t right to have this attitude towards her and I’m trying to be understanding, but it’s driving me crazy. She gets mad or starts to say that I’m being a fanatic when she asks me what I’m doing and I say that I’m going to pray in my room because it’s quieter there. Why isn’t God giving me the grace to forgive her? I don’t want to be angry, but I am and it’s hard to even smile at her. Please pray for me and my vocation!
Praying for you to be able to discern and follow your vocation, and for your mother to open her heart to letting you become an adult.
PS. Maybe this is part of your discernment process.
PPS. Perhaps she loves you so much, she is scared that she will lose you more than if you married and moved away to the other end of the country?
PPPS. I don’t know how much time you spend together doing Mother-Daughter stuff (not housework but window shopping, nattering about nothing etc) but if it is not much, she may be jealous of the time you spend with God and Jesus. As I type, I wonder more and more if she is feeling that she is rapidly losing you and is beginning to mourn the loss of grandchildren.
Just some thoughts, only you will know if they are relevant.
In the same rut, sweet pea.
Definitely prayers. . .
How about a compromise? Why not attend a 2 year college and get an associates degree? First, the discipline will be helpful for you, no matter what. Then in 2 years when you go off to visit the order you like, you’ll have a degree under your belt. Check out the community that you are interested in–most contemplative nuns also ‘work’, by crafts, gardening, etc. A 2 year associates degree in business, for example, would give you skills that would be very helpful in your chosen community. And of course, while you attend college (a nice community college so that you aren’t getting huge debt), you can also intern, or get a part-time job to help you become more financially independent.
This will probably go a great way to ease the tension with you and your mom, which in turn will have a good effect on your prayer life.
Something to consider, perhaps?
Will be praying for you. . .