I'm actually with the guys on this one.
Its hard for them to be vounerable. I have a dad and 3 brothers. They often push through alot of sickness and pain and don't talk about it. Like my brother insisted he had "just a cold" until he was out with double pneumonia.
I agree that it is very, very hard to ask an employer for time off to take care of an adult spouse. I think that these days even the best of employeers would feel had. Unless that spouse was paralized from the neck down, there is just no way it'd be acceptiable for more than an afternoon.
This is when it's time to tap other resources. A friend, a grandparent, an uncle or aunt who's retired. Alot of stay-at-home moms really forget that work is work. Yes, stay-at-home moms have alot of work to do...but it is different than being a t a job, especally one that requires physical work or alot of "mental aerobics" like tech programing.
Again, work is work. Being resentful becuase your husband had to work is plain foolish. You can be sad he couldn't be with you, but all that does is hurt both of you. I'm sure, given the choice he'd much rather be home with you.
Once a week I tutor and often help get the crew off to bed. Especally when they're young and so dependant I can't immagine doing that every night. Working with adults, being run ragged then comming home to do everything and not have the advantage to know what's been going on all day. Even if you're super lucky and you work 15 minutes from home away you still gone for 9 or 10 hours. And it's tough.
At the same time I've nannied and know what it's like to not be at my best and have the child's parent just need to veg, while I still care for their kid. That's fine, thats my job. But I think in a husband/wife situation a woman could get resentful.
Point being, cut the guy some slack right now.
I think the real issue is that the OP is not communicating well. The best family I know has "night off" for each of the parents. (when dad gets home he cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids, or mom does everything and dad gets to go out) and manditory "date nights" for the spouses. Each spouse also gets to pick an activity that they can do twice a month or so...like golf or scrapbooking or going to a movie...with "their" friends...
If every night the wife is cooking and cleaning while the husband does nothing, that's wrong.
That and guys are very loving, but aren't natural caregivers. When my grandma is sick my grandpa turns on the TV and gets her soup or tea. My grandma, however, runs to the grocer and make homade soup, get pillows and do other stuff. So, he may feel he takes care fo you..and you may not know it...but that's just "how" he cares, Guys get to calm us down and explain why it isn't a big deal that aunt julie's cousin cathy's daughter annie who said a naughty word dosn't automaically mean that JR will. (nevermind they are 7 states and 3 time zones away). We get to tell guys that helping us to the bathroom is not the same as a puke bucket.:rolleyes: