Retrouvaille- Excited but Nervous


#1

My husband and I just signed up for Retrouvaille, and I am very excited but at the same time I am very nervous about getting so hopeful. It is hard not too after reading the success stories.

My husband and I have always been nice “fighters”, we don’t tend to blow up or yell and such, and we have said some hurfult things, but as with many couples, we could use some communication building tools.
We just started marriage counseling, and I am sure it is contributing to my nervous feelings about Retrouvaille… I have been in counseling before and found it helpful to myself, but this time around, it seems like we don’t accomplish anything more than we already have at home (again, we don’t have trouble being nice when we talk, so a mediator of conversations isn’t really necessary.) We just seem to have trouble understanding one another or moving past things that are hurting each of us… Some things not even from our marriage… Just the past in general.

I keep reading so many people’s posts about renewed physical intamacy, and that is a major concern for us. Our marriage is not sexless, but it isn’t as often as we would like, mostly because My husband is not the touchy-feely type, and I find it hard to be excited by the situation when there is no physical contact elsewhere… I used to take this personally until I realized, it really is just him… He is not hand holding, hugging, kissy, all that is touchy-feely… However, it is a necessary thing for me to feel connected. I like physical contact with him. Dating was very different, because of course you always have best foot forward. … I wondered if something maybe happened in the past for him that brought this on, but after observing his family, I think maybe he was just raised this way (his whole family seems this way) Very strange for me coming from a family that hugs alot… It is even hard for him to be physical with our children (hugging, kissing… etc.)

I guess I am wondering how/if Retrouvaille can help with that… I know we can definitley improve our communication skills, but if non-touching is truly who he is, where does that leave us?

Prayers for us please as we make this journey towards a better life together!


#2

My wife and I went through Retrovaille...twice! There is a lot of work to be done in that one weekend, but it is helpful. I think Retrovaille can help the intimacy, but I caution against thinking it will be a silver bullet. I'll speak from my own experience that my desire for intimacy with my wife was greatly impacted (i.e. lessened) because of the struggles we had in our marriage. I guess walls tend to do that. Retrovaille is a good way to learn how to let down the walls and trust again, which can improve intimacy.

One thing I will say is that every issue or circumstance in your life is there by God's will. I firmly believe that He takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously as a means to sanctify the both of you as a couple and individually. Therefore, the struggles and the triumphs will help you to be closer to God. Try not to think of the issues as something to be fixed. Try to think of the issues as a means to journey within yourself and ask God how he wants you to change or grow. Marriage is a life long journey in which you learn to accept the failures and successes. Learning techniques to improve your communication will be one part of many to improve your marriage, but always remember that the number one thing that will DEFINITELY help is heartfelt prayer given in thankfulness that it has already been accomplished. Just my two cents.


#3

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