I was a bit surprised to see this on the third and fourth page of the story. It might be a good story for those going through the effects of an affair and/or divorce, but still wanting it to work out. It might also be in Redbook, I don’t know but the logo is always up around it.
i was verytouched by this story… this was an awesome story… thank you so much for posting it. It gives you hope that things can be made right.
I am so glad to see this. That was a hit home article. I know that it doesnt work for everyone but when it does it is the best thing you could have done for your marriage.
For those of you that have experience with Retrouvaille, do you think it would do any good when once spouse has a personality disorder resulting from an abusive childhood? I’ve really been wondering if there would be anything in it that might change our current course. I had the divorce papers served to him on Jan 10. I don’t want to lose the good things about him. But, the mental and verbal abuse that my children (not his) and I have endured has got to stop.
Hello AlaAnnie I am so sorry to hear what you have to go through. It must be very hard. The Retrouvaille is a weekend that teaches both of you on how to communicate with each other. It is not therapy or counseling, they tell you this from the beggining if you need that extra attention to do so and get it, in this case for your husband and if he is willing then you should try.
At the post sessions they do talk about your family of origin and how it affects you and how you should deal with it but it doesn’t take the place of a therapist.
If he is willing to go, that at least is the first step to saving your marriage. Good Luck.
please do whatever you think will help to work things out. you do not want to have any regrets later on about not having done something which could have helped you.
Thanks Quiet and Miriam for your kind words of encouragement. When I proposed the idea, he said “certainly” and that it was an answer to prayer. He said these in email. But, last night we both talked with the coordinator as part of the registration process and he’s starting to give me some push-back. He’s very anti-Catholic and I think he’s scared we’re going to put a spell on him or something. It’s so sad to live with someone who is so agressively fighting the truth. But, he believes that I have the devil in me so what do you expect. I know all the horrible things he says to be are rooted in the demons of his childhood. It’s just so very sad. Please keep us in your prayers. Right now, if Retrouvaille can just get us to a point where we can talk civilly enough to get a divorce, I would be in a better place.
Annie all I can tell you at this point is this. It is a ministry run mainly by Catholics BUT not everybody that goes is Catholic. When we went there were many couples of many denominations also, my husband and I are Catholic so for us it was a blessing that a priest was present to talk to. Not every one there cared about it though.
As for his Anti-Catholicsim I can understand his apprehesion, my husband was a bit on that side of the fence when we went too, he had this presumption that it was going to be a religious retreat, and it really wasnt.
Many people suffer the same way your husband does, and they hurt those closest to them because it is a way of sabotaging their life, and the cycle of abuse stays intact until they decide they whole heartedly want change.
I do think that Retrouvaille can provide you with what you need though, and like you said even if it is worth a amicable divorce, you desreve that. But I think you deserve a second chance at your marriage too. Especially if you have children. I will be praying for you.
I was also put in the position of having to file for divorce in order to protect our kids and myself as my ex-wife finally fully destabilized after holding on through the duration of ourmarraige hopping from one excuse for her behavior to another.
In my experience, once one has exhausted the methods for trying to facilitate improvements in the relationship, no resource or amount of joint counseling will help resolve problems relating to abusive behaviors in the other party until the person who is being abusive admits it, assumes full responsibility for thier behavior, and starts working on resolving it in a transparent way.