Retrouvaille


#1

My wife was seeing another man which I found out on Good Friday of all days. It is broken off and we are set to go to the Retrouvaille program. Has anyone been to this and had any thoughts. I feel my wife is just going so if she deceides to leave she for one won't feel guilty as she would say she tried. I on the other hand I take the marriage vows serious and want this to work. Has anyone had any experiences you could share? Our weekend is June 10-12, 2011 and ends on Pentecost Sunday. Anyone have any thoughts?


#2

I have heard many good things about Retrouvaille. The follow-up sessions are as important if not more important than the initial weekend, which gets you started.

I so want to do this with my husband but his travel schedule makes it impossible at the moment. So I have no direct experience, but I will add you to my prayers. I hope your wife will really give it an effort.


#3

dgeier0725,

You are making a choice to work on your marriage. Congrats!

My husband & I made our Retrouvaille weekend in SEPT 2009. It sure made a difference in our marriage. I'm a cradle Catholic and my husband is a Protestant.

My husband is a recovering addict. He also had issues w/ God. We had all the issues of trust, lying, everything ugly that goes along w/ the world of drugs. I was the codependent/enabler. (We also attending NA and NarAnon)

The messages really got to us ... my husband was lucky enough to have a meeting w/ the priest that was presiding over our weekend. He wept like a baby.

The Holy Spirit touched him that weekend. He was NOT the type of person who was open to God.

It takes alot of work at the weekend & afterwards. Did we have issues aftewards? YES! Do we still have issues? YES! But we have the tools to work us through them.

We attended the POST sessions after our wknd and are in CORE.

We will be meeting & greeting the couples that are attending Retrouvaille this wknd in our city.

We are prayer warriors for a couple who will be attending the wknd in our city, but we pray for all couples going through Retrouvaille.

God Bless You and your wife.

Our prayers will be w/ you.


#4

Dear dgeier0725,

By the grace of almighty God, my husband and I attended our original Weekend in 1991 and have been involved in the ministry ever since.

I'm sure that cradlecatholic5 will agree with what I am about to say: it is NOT important that YOU focus on your wife's intentions because you cannot change her in any way...the only one you can change is YOU.

Addictions, affairs, abuse, and the myriad of other things that we believe CAUSE the breakdown of our marriages are only SYMPTOMS of a much more sinister and deadly cause...the breakdown of open, honest and respectful communication between spouses. If the two of you cannot share your innermost thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, etc., without fear of ridicule or scorn ("I don't know why you feel that way...." OR "You shouldn't feel that way...."), then how can the two of you ever have a mutually satisfying marriage relationship or ever resolve issues that plague the marriage?

Retrouvaille will give you the tools you need to address your lack of positive communication, **but it will be up to YOU to USE them! ** Bravo! Cradlecatholic5 when you said "it takes a lot of work"! Truer words do not exist!! YOU can turn your relationship around...YOU two are the only ones who can do it.

God hates divorce and will give you all the grace and inner strength you need to make that happen! Nearly 20 years ago God took our 18+year abusive marriage and turned it into the most open, honest and respectful marriage relationship we could ever have dreamed of. We work very hard at our marriage relationship EVERY SINGLE DAY because everything in our lives is so dependent on it.

Make a decision to love your wife by focusing on YOU...be the person she first fell "in love with" and, with great patience and care, give her the space to do the same. Truly a WORLD of prayers will be upon you this weekend as literally Retrouvaille couples throughout the world will be praying for you. Keep posting ... maybe some other Retrouaville couples on the forum will join in and share their own experiences with you.


#5

[quote="Happy_Again, post:4, topic:242320"]
Dear dgeier0725,

By the grace of almighty God, my husband and I attended our original Weekend in 1991 and have been involved in the ministry ever since.

I'm sure that cradlecatholic5 will agree with what I am about to say: it is NOT important that YOU focus on your wife's intentions because you cannot change her in any way...the only one you can change is YOU.

Addictions, affairs, abuse, and the myriad of other things that we believe CAUSE the breakdown of our marriages are only SYMPTOMS of a much more sinister and deadly cause...the breakdown of open, honest and respectful communication between spouses. If the two of you cannot share your innermost thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, etc., without fear of ridicule or scorn ("I don't know why you feel that way...." OR "You shouldn't feel that way...."), then how can the two of you ever have a mutually satisfying marriage relationship or ever resolve issues that plague the marriage?

Retrouvaille will give you the tools you need to address your lack of positive communication, **but it will be up to YOU to USE them! ** Bravo! Cradlecatholic5 when you said "it takes a lot of work"! Truer words do not exist!! YOU can turn your relationship around...YOU two are the only ones who can do it.

God hates divorce and will give you all the grace and inner strength you need to make that happen! Nearly 20 years ago God took our 18+year abusive marriage and turned it into the most open, honest and respectful marriage relationship we could ever have dreamed of. We work very hard at our marriage relationship EVERY SINGLE DAY because everything in our lives is so dependent on it.

Make a decision to love your wife by focusing on YOU...be the person she first fell "in love with" and, with great patience and care, give her the space to do the same. Truly a WORLD of prayers will be upon you this weekend as literally Retrouvaille couples throughout the world will be praying for you. Keep posting ... maybe some other Retrouaville couples on the forum will join in and share their own experiences with you.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#6

I found out that my wife is ONLY going to satisfy my request, but has NO intentions of making things work. She would walk away today given the chance, but she will keep her word and go to the program. That doesn'tn give me very much hope of confidence now. Very discouraged. Anyone been in the same situation. After 25 Years of marriage, I don't want to loose my wife. I could use a miracle. I almost feel like what is the use of going now.


#7

My husband didn't want to go either ... as a matter of fact, we had a fight on the way to the weekend. We found out we weren't in the minority. It's worth a try.

And "Happy Again" is so correct ... YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR WIFE. You need to go for YOU.

You will get the tools and only you can choose to use them.

Retrouvaille is for hurting marriages.

To adopt another slogan "it works if you work it and you're worth it." AlAnon


#8

But if this is for couples and only one is participating, doesn't that defeat the purpose. Although anything is possible with God.

My wife was a very devout Catholic all her married life, homeschooled her kids and did a lot of sacrafice. Then she lost 60 pounds and people started to notice her again. She went back to work ut of economic necessity. Met non-christian friends and started to become more worldly. Then she met a man who was helping her with Spanish and supposedly they got too close and fell in love. But for some secret reason they can't be together, so tht was ended. My wife seems to want to be single and go out and do everything in life she missed out on raising the 5 kids.

So My oldest Daughter is faith grounded and went to Franscician University in Steubenville. She is solid. My other daughter fell away and believes in God, but doesn't go to any church. Now she has disowned the family and gone her way. Moved in with a guy 2 times her age. My 3rd Daughter went to a science class and the professor told her there wasn't a God, and she quit believing. So now I have a 13 and 11 year old sons who I am trying to keep faithful, but they see all of the problems and I pray for them.

Then on top of all of that with back taxes, money worries, 2 girls leaving the church, one disowning us and then my wife seeing another man, it caused me tohave a nervous breakdown which I am still recovering. Satan has a major attack on the family and i have no support from my wife.

That's why I am very afraid that Retrouville won't work for us. I am so spiritual drained as well. I go to adoration everyday, do 2 rosaries, do Novenas and pray, but I feel very discouraged. My wife is so not interested in the program, but will go just to please me and that is the ONY reason. She is already taling about divorce and annulment after the week-end. So her heart is not in it.

Thanks for listening, I'll keep up the spiritual fight. Our week-end is 1 week from Friday and ends on Pentecost Sunday.

Dave


#9

Dear Dave, Never give up hope. As long as your wife is still willing with any tiny part of herself, God can open her heart and show her the truth. I do not know if she will still file for divorce; she might. But if her body is there, her heart and mind might follow. At least she is keeping her commitments, many people in her mindset would say, "Ha! As if!" and just leave. All is not lost unless you too give up.

:grouphug:


#10

[quote="dgeier0725, post:8, topic:242320"]
But if this is for couples and only one is participating, doesn't that defeat the purpose. Although anything is possible with God.

My wife was a very devout Catholic all her married life, homeschooled her kids and did a lot of sacrafice. Then she lost 60 pounds and people started to notice her again. She went back to work ut of economic necessity. Met non-christian friends and started to become more worldly. Then she met a man who was helping her with Spanish and supposedly they got too close and fell in love. But for some secret reason they can't be together, so tht was ended. My wife seems to want to be single and go out and do everything in life she missed out on raising the 5 kids.

So My oldest Daughter is faith grounded and went to Franscician University in Steubenville. She is solid. My other daughter fell away and believes in God, but doesn't go to any church. Now she has disowned the family and gone her way. Moved in with a guy 2 times her age. My 3rd Daughter went to a science class and the professor told her there wasn't a God, and she quit believing. So now I have a 13 and 11 year old sons who I am trying to keep faithful, but they see all of the problems and I pray for them.

Then on top of all of that with back taxes, money worries, 2 girls leaving the church, one disowning us and then my wife seeing another man, it caused me tohave a nervous breakdown which I am still recovering. Satan has a major attack on the family and i have no support from my wife.

That's why I am very afraid that Retrouville won't work for us. I am so spiritual drained as well. I go to adoration everyday, do 2 rosaries, do Novenas and pray, but I feel very discouraged. My wife is so not interested in the program, but will go just to please me and that is the ONY reason. She is already taling about divorce and annulment after the week-end. So her heart is not in it.

Thanks for listening, I'll keep up the spiritual fight. Our week-end is 1 week from Friday and ends on Pentecost Sunday.

Dave

[/quote]

I feel so sad for you! This is all terrible. Mid-life crisis comes to mind.

I hope Retrouvaille works for you guys!

Perhaps the Holy Spirit is tugging on her conscience?


#11


#12

When my wife says to me that if we divorce and can not get annullment, she is willing to take a chance on love because she believes God wants us to all be happy. . I can't seem to sort anything out. And my mid life crisis is I want to be MORE of a family man and spend more time with the wife and kids. Opposite of my wife.

Is this typical of a woman mid life crisis? She is 46. Or just a confused Soul looking for happiness.

David


#13

I sure hope so since this week-end ends on Pentecost. I am looking for a miracle. :)

[quote="Serap, post:10, topic:242320"]
I feel so sad for you! This is all terrible. Mid-life crisis comes to mind.

I hope Retrouvaille works for you guys!

Perhaps the Holy Spirit is tugging on her conscience?

[/quote]


#14

[quote="dgeier0725, post:12, topic:242320"]
When my wife says to me that if we divorce and can not get annullment, she is willing to take a chance on love because she believes God wants us to all be happy. . I can't seem to sort anything out. And my mid life crisis is I want to be MORE of a family man and spend more time with the wife and kids. Opposite of my wife.

Is this typical of a woman mid life crisis? She is 46. Or just a confused Soul looking for happiness.

David

[/quote]

You know, I can't tell, but I am getting good and tired of hearing about selfish women going through some kind of "crisis" and wanting to leave their families so they can be "happy."

I'd really like to line them all up and slap them silly right now, your wife included.

Where in the Bible did Jesus say anything about wanting us to be "happy?" Just the opposite, he tells us to do the hard things, to love each other when we don't want to, to forgive when others hurt us, that what he says will divide us from people who won't believe. This happiness fixation is insane!

:mad:

What does your wife think leaving her kids is going to give them? Happiness? HA! She will spread that "joy" into the next generation because those innocent kids will grow up to be damaged people who aren't capable of loving someone else. And it goes on and on.

Really would just like to talk to these women, one on one.

:mad:


#15

I was so confused going into our Weekend that one might look at me and say “she’s totally lost it”. I couldn’t tell you what day it was except to say it was a miserable day. I couldn’t focus on any one thing for any great length of time. My brain was “overloaded” with all kinds of negative thoughts and emotions. But underneath it all, I knew God was with me and He would get me through…in HIS PERFECT TIME – which is totally NOT my time!!

Any other wives care to share how they were feeling going into their Weekend experience?


#16

That’s the best I have heard all day. It makes sense. I just need to keep praying that the Holy Spirit wake her up. Thanks for the words!


#17

Private Message: Thank You so Much
Recipients: TheRealJuliane

Today, 4:31 pm

dgeier0725

Trial Membership Join Date: May 30, 2011
Location: Rancho San Diego, CA
Posts: 7
Religion: catholic

Thank You so Much


Thanks for your perspective on wives gettting 46 and wanting to be 20 again. All she wants to do is get the Retrouville weekend over and then be on her way. Sad, but I really like your perspective. Feel free to slap some sense into her.


#18

Actually, I was wrong in a way. Jesus does want us to be happy, but happiness means obedience to God. We can't just seek our happiness in the things of this world, because this world belongs to Satan, so everything in it is just his toy store. (That's not Jesus, that's me.)

I wouldn't want the non-Catholics to think that I am saying we are to be miserable and to cause dissension and strife...Some already think that Catholics are sour, dour, and unhappy people living by rules and regulations. We aren't! But women who cast their families aside and go in search of some other source of satisfaction are cheating their families, themselves and God.


#19

**But women who cast their families aside and go in search of some other source of satisfaction are cheating their families, themselves and God. **

Just to be fair...men do it too!

Just a quick observation, tho, before our Retrouvaille experience, my husband and I didn't live by any rules...all we had were two separate lives: his and his workaholic ways vs. my job and the house and the kids and everything else. We fought a war with no rules and lived in chaos. After Retrouvaille, not only did we have a set of tried-and-true rules to live by for the rest of our lives, but we also had the tools necessary to get the job done!

God, thank you for the gift of Retrouvaille!!


#20

[quote="Happy_Again, post:19, topic:242320"]
**But women who cast their families aside and go in search of some other source of satisfaction are cheating their families, themselves and God. **

Just to be fair...men do it too!

Just a quick observation, tho, before our Retrouvaille experience, my husband and I didn't live by any rules...all we had were two separate lives: his and his workaholic ways vs. my job and the house and the kids and everything else. We fought a war with no rules and lived in chaos. After Retrouvaille, not only did we have a set of tried-and-true rules to live by for the rest of our lives, but we also had the tools necessary to get the job done!

God, thank you for the gift of Retrouvaille!!

[/quote]

Yes, but for some reason, we have been flooded with men being left, cheated on, etc. by their wives.

You just described my marriage. I am still praying that we have the opportunity to attend Retrouvaille before next Christmas. It all depends on whether my husband's project comes to an end and he can stay home long enough. I hear the voice in my head say, "But if that doesn't work, then what?"


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