Alterum and Athanasius:
I must concur. While I don’t suffer from Scrupulosity, I can understand the pain and insecurity and the obsession that’s used to cover thm up.
All I can say is that the basis for scrupulosity is a lack of faith in God’s mercy and love and in his patience and ability to heal us and make us whole.
Athanasius, I think you should talk to your confessor about this & show him this thread and the previous ones on this subject and the other questions you’ve asked and the mess this obsession has made of your spiritual life and then ask for God’s healing and grace and for faith in His love and longsuffering.
You might even ask for the Sacrament of Healing because this Scrupulosity is a disease that has and will continue to cripple his spirituality and relationship to our Lord. If you don’t believe me, look at the life of Martin Luther and see what the effect of Scrupulosity was on him and on the Reformation.
Athanasius, if our Lord Jesus could forgive the murderous Robber who was next to Him on the cross, don’t you think you can trust Him to forgive you and to lead you into the Kingdom? If Jesus could forgive Peter who denial Him three times to a slave girl in less than 6 hours, don’t you think you can trust Him to forgive you and to find a purpose for your life? And, If Jesus could forgive the slave trader who ended up writing “Amazing Grace”, don’t you think you can trust Him to finish the work that He has started in you and to preserve you to the Day of Jesus Christ?
This isn’t Presumption - This is Hope and Faith in the Lord Jesus who is the author and Finisher of our Faith.
In The Wisdom of the Desert, by Thomas Merton one of the Desert Fathers said, “The Beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord and humilty with patience.”
Humility means that I try to see myself as God sees me, as a sinner who has been reborn as a son of God through the Sacrament of Baptism and by the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, and that I am being transformed by the Renewal of my mind by the Holy Spirit. Patience means that I understand that I will fall and get up, and will weep for my sins, and that God the Father continually forgives my sins because of the Sacrifice of Christ on the Christ.
Please try to remember this.
Your Brother in Christ, Michael