Right and wrong reasons to get married?

I am in such a pickle. I was seeing a nice traditional Catholic man for 16 months who did not propose although we spoke of marriage and believed it would happen. I felt he was making excuses for why he wasn’t proposing (finances, etc. although his finances were completely capable of supporting a family modestly). I broke up with him, and within days I met another traditional Catholic man who I thought was the most incredible man ever and was completely crazy and head over heels for, and we got engaged after 5 weeks. Normally, I’d say this was rushed, but I believed we both were serious and deep in our faith, and didn’t take the sacrament lightly! Two weeks later, this fiancee broke it off with me out of nowhere and with very little reason as to why, however, for a number of reasons which are a whole other story, I got the impression it had been a sick, subconscious game for him. The first Catholic gentleman who I had dated for 16 months is still pursuing me and sending me flowers, letters, etc. and swears he is ready to get married and has a ring that cost a pretty penny and all of the works. He is as Catholic as the day is long, however, I never was just totally head over heels in love with this man or felt “crazy” about him, like I did the short-lived fiancee! I am not attracted to this man, however, I know my vocation is marriage and he would be a good husband. Furthermore, I am a single mother whose young daughter needs a father, and living with my parents who are experiencing severe financial difficulties and I know I am a silent burden on them. Am I being picky about the man still pursuing me who wants to get married, or do I wait and trust God to my finances and that whole situation and to bring me a man who I am wild about?

Pray about it and talk to your priest. :slight_smile:

[quote="kah07, post:1, topic:274920"]
I am in such a pickle. I was seeing a nice traditional Catholic man for 16 months who did not propose although we spoke of marriage and believed it would happen. I felt he was making excuses for why he wasn't proposing (finances, etc. although his finances were completely capable of supporting a family modestly). I broke up with him, and within days I met another traditional Catholic man who I thought was the most incredible man ever and was completely crazy and head over heels for, and we got engaged after 5 weeks. Normally, I'd say this was rushed, but I believed we both were serious and deep in our faith, and didn't take the sacrament lightly! Two weeks later, this fiancee broke it off with me out of nowhere and with very little reason as to why, however, for a number of reasons which are a whole other story, I got the impression it had been a sick, subconscious game for him. The first Catholic gentleman who I had dated for 16 months is still pursuing me and sending me flowers, letters, etc. and swears he is ready to get married and has a ring that cost a pretty penny and all of the works. He is as Catholic as the day is long, however, I never was just totally head over heels in love with this man or felt "crazy" about him, like I did the short-lived fiancee! I am not attracted to this man, however, I know my vocation is marriage and he would be a good husband. Furthermore, I am a single mother whose young daughter needs a father, and living with my parents who are experiencing severe financial difficulties and I know I am a silent burden on them. Am I being picky about the man still pursuing me who wants to get married, or do I wait and trust God to my finances and that whole situation and to bring me a man who I am wild about?

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I'm not sure how you felt about this first man before you thought you would marry? Did you love him and the second, who was a better sceamer, cloud your judgment.

The Catholic Church does not allow for a marriage to flee a situation such as not having to live with your parents, even if it's not a comfortable situation and you feel as a burden.

Take some time alone -- no contact with the man for awhile until you've had some time to think this through (and discuss it with a priest) -- so you can decide if it was love at all or a means to leave your parents home. That would and could become a valid reason to have the marriage later anulled -- if you marry to escape a bad situation. If you keep this from him, that you are not "wild" about him, and he marries you thinking you are marrying without this reservation, you would do him a disservice.

Wait and trust in the Lord. You never once said you loved the first man, even before you met the second, and that would not be fair to him either.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly. Are you ready to help this man get to Heaven? Will you love, honor and obey (Yes, obey! Its in the Bible.) for all the days of your life… even through poverty or illness?

Well of course! That's what I mean when I said I don't take the sacrament lightly! When I'm in it, I'm in it to do all of those things the right way!

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