Here’s the summary of my post: I have a new wife who can’t make the transition from girlfriend to spouse. HELP!
Happy New Year to all. This is my first post, first time I’ve been to the site too. I apologize for writing a book here, and would appreciate only serious replies. I hate to drag anyone in too deeply, but I’m really hurting right now and looking for support.
Anyways, my wife and I were married on Nov 17th 2007, after having met in May of 06. I am 23, she is 21. People told us that we were rushing things, but we didn’t listen. We’re both Catholic, though her commitment to the church isn’t where I wish it was, and we’ve tried praying together before bed at my request, but that usually happens very intermittently. I’ve got a degree, she quit on her education when I proposed in Nov 06 - school was never her thing.
I work full time salaried 8-5, m-f job and am a public office holder, and she works 2 part time jobs, one at a bar, though not nights where its rough.
We want to buy a house this next summer and then shortly after start a family. Before we got married she promised that she’d work on the things that bug me, and vice versa. My biggest thing is us having time together, which is why I took a job that isn’t my first choice so that I’d have steady hours, something she also promised to do but hasn’t. Shes working nights / weekends and has become friends with people at work and has been putting them ahead of me.
The Recent Troubles:
I’ve had mild alcohol problems ever since I started college, which have flared up recently. I’ve had off from work from Dec 21 - Jan 2, and in the last week and a half, there were 3 nights where my brothers and a few friends were out drinking (not driving) and I ended up staying at my parents house, while my wife slept here at the apartment, with Saturday night being the most recent.
When I came home Sunday morning I apologized as sincerely as I could and I’m going to try to grow up - I’m 23 and married now, not 18 and single. I proposed that we spend new years eve here together, a quiet night to reconnect.
The New Years Eve Breakdown:
My wife decided that she didn’t like my idea, and though she’s not a regular drinker (3 or 4 times a year maybe?) she said that she wanted to go hang out at the bar she works at, from 9:30 til 10:30. She said it was her first New Years Eve legal at the bars, and that she didn’t want me to hold her back. She also said she wouldn’t drink and would meet me at my brother’s party where I would hang out during that hour’s time, also not drinking.
10:30 comes and goes, and then around 10:45 she tells me she’s had 2 shots and is drinking a Smirnoff. Knowing the cops are out, I told her I was coming to get her. All my family told me that this was the right move. I get to the bar, and the owners (friends of my wife’s who I don’t trust) tell me I can’t come in and that I have to wait for her. She eventually comes out, and I grab her arm so I can hold her up as we walk to my car, and one of the owners misinterprets this and says if I put my hands on her again there’ll be trouble, never come back, etc. I told my wife that she needs to choose between working there and our marriage.
This morning, she gets up and around while I’m still in bed, and takes my car. Texts me telling me she had promised to work at the bar today. Then calls, says shes sorry but that today she would tell the owners that after today until we get our marriage straightened out that she’s not working there anymore.
Last night she said she wants us to go to counseling.
I want a wife, but she’s content in her life right now acting as if she’s my girlfriend. Is counseling our best option? Are there any net resources for struggling Catholic marriages that might help us out?