Romantic relationships

I am a 43 yo catholic man and I hear people who have had relationship troubles in the past talk about their story. To begin a romantic relationship they say there has to be a emotional connection first. What’s that? I have had girlfriends but not romantic liasons. I don’t quite understand what they’re talking about there.

they’re not for everyone.

I think emotional connection depends on the thought of the person using the term. I’ve heard some say an “instant connection” someone was just “attractive to them more than others”
“stood out in the crowd.” etc.

Possibly a mesh of caring and fascination.

Maybe they’re talking about “falling in love,” which is one of the primary myths of our culture.
If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy, you’ve seen an example: instant infatuation, 2 dates later falling into bed.
Infatuation is a trick of nature to propagate the species. It makes us think we are head over heels in love with someone and that we are soulmates forever. If people marry on this assumption, they are often sadly disappointed when the infatuation wears off, which it invariably does.
It’s better to found a relationship on friendship, which may develop into appreciation and love for the other person. Read C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves.

I’ve always believed you can connect with people in several ways…most call it chemistry. There’s intellectual chemistry, sexual chemistry and spiritual chemistry. I think anyone of these can help a relationship develop and thrive but something has to be there. It seems when I have felt the chemistry for someone others haven’t and vice versa. I’ve given up the idea of a romantic relationship for myself simply because dating was more of chore and I never enjoyed it. The one guy I did come close to caring for dumped me right as I was falling in love with him at a stressful time when I had just lost a job as he knew too. Turns out he did me a favour he’s yet been unable to commit even after dating someone I know for a couple of years. It was painful but would have been more painful if the relationship had continued. The last guy didn’t break my heart just treated me terribly. If something isn’t working for you then sometimes it just best to forego the journey as I choose to do. I’m in my 40s as well and I can honestly say I’ve never had the chemistry on both ends so I guess for some it just doesn’t happen.

Actually, friendships may also involve an element of infatuation (fascination with the other person), while the more strictly romantic (or sexual) kind of infatuation may actually rekindle or even never wear off, depending how it’s handled.

This said, it’s good if people use their brains.

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