So, I have bipolar disorder that’s well managed with medication. Usually no symptoms.
But I’m having trouble with the Sorrowful Mysteries. Praying those and meditating on Christ’s sufferings breaks my heart. Which to some degree is the point, but I’m way overempathizing and it takes about a week to fully emotionally recover.
Its overwhelmingly sad for me. I think about the nerves in his face hit by the thorns shooting a type of pain so severe its actually called suicide syndrome in people who get nerve pain there. His raw back with exposed ribs rubbing against the wood each time he pulls himself up by thoaet nails also in nerves shooting pain through his body to take a breath. His heartbreak at watching his mother sobbing at his feet and at choosing not to stop her pain or his. To leave her it seems. His pain at his disciples abandoning him & his pain at what they’re going through and will go through. And I think of my carelessness in sin and how little effort I put in compared to him in these hours and days. How humanity made him choose between the heartbreak of abandoning us who he loves so much to our sin and sacrificing himself and the people he lived with who loved him so dearly.
I end up so upset that my mood shifts and I’m depressed days later and have been forced to avoid praying the rosary on the days for Sorrowful Mysteries to keep my sanity.
I’ve considered praying another mysery on those days but it seems wrong.
Is there a better way to do this?
I’d like to pray my rosary any day I can, because it really helps me spiritually. But I need to find a way thats not going to overwhelm me. Is there another way you meditate on the Sorrowful Myseries without emersing yourself in so much pain twice a week?