Sacraficing family for Mass


#1

I have a problem, and need some input. I was raised Catholic with my mom growing up. as i went out on my own into life, I still prayed, and remained christian, but quit going to mess, and occasionally went to church, Baptist, etc. Went to mass some too, but for the most part didn’t go to church. However, i remained close to God, reading the bible and praying.
I got married 8 yrs ago. She is a traditional catholic, and believes that the church today is corrupt, and even believes that going to church now is actually BAD! For this reason, I havn’t been to church at all since. We do pray the rosary. Here mom is an ex-nun.
I recuncently have been filled with the Holy Spirit, and crave to go to mass… and to confession, and recieve the Eucharist. sacraments i have been deprived of for years. For a few weeks I have been going to mass in secret, even lying to my wife as to what i am doing. (is that a sin?) I want to tell her, and plan to, but I believe she will become angry,and things will be very uncomfortable for a while. She might even leave me!! Not sure if she will take it that far, but i dont know. She will not allow our kids to go to church, buut she does pray every day with them.
What should I do? Is the life she is living wrong, in sin?


#2

Sorry to hear about your situation.

In this cirsumstance, my guess is that your going to mass, as long as you don't push your wife to do so, while perhaps causing some initial fireworks, would work out in the long run.

It might be wise to acknowledge that yes, there are corrupt men and women involved in the Church. But the same Father, Son and Holy Spirit that she prays to in the Rosary protect the Chruch from Evil. While it seems different at times, "them's the facts". ;)

This sounds as much like a marriage problem as it is a personal one. I might suggest coming clean about going to mass, and dealing with the fallout of which there sounds like there will be some. Might I also suggest that in dealing with this fallout and for the longterm health and stability of your marriage, that you seek the guidance of a good Catholic Marriage Counselor, even if you have to go by yourself to start off.

From a relationship standpoint, it's fine for you both to have different viewpoints on any particular subject. However, when your relationship is affected by the difference in opinion, as clearly is the case here, something needs to be done.

When one partner keeps, for whatever reason, the other partner from their individual fulfillment, something needs to change. Maybe the best you can hope to accopmplish is that she grudgingly accepts your commitment to your faith. Maybe, on the other hand, someday you can be the vehicle that conveys here back home.


#3

Go to Mass, do not lie, and stop sneaking around.

You are the spiritual head of the household. Take charge of the religious education of your children. Take them to Mass. Do not allow your wife to keep them from the sacraments.

Your wife needs some counseling. Find a holy priest.


#4

In calling your wife a “traditional catholic” what do you mean? My assumption would be that her anger with the Church is over the changes away from Latin, etc., but you said her mother was an ex-nun which would be odd. You do need to discuss with her, and as someone else said, take charge. The old Latin Mass is back now in many places, so if she is “traditional” perhaps that would help.

Were you married in the Church? If so, you and she would have been asked to raise your kids as Catholics.


#5

Yes you are lying and that is a sin - in fact in so doing you are also denying Christ not unlike Peter did on the night of Jesus arrest....Well - maybe there are differences - but also great similarities.

I too am confused about how your wife can be a "Traditional Catholic" and not attend mass.

Regardless of the labels you would like to assign it is obvious that you both have been "fallen away Catholics", or "non-practicing Catholics".....

Now you have been drawn by the Spirit back into Active participation in The Sacraments. Good for You. Now you just need the strength of your convictions to be honest and open with the person who has committed to spending the rest of her life with you as one.
There may well be problems. Be patient. It's even possible that she might choose to leave you. You cannot prevent it. All you can do is to live your Faith life fully and honestly for her sake and the sake of the children.

Peace
James

P.S. WELCOME HOME :thumbsup:


#6

By traditional catholic, yes, she prefers the old latin mass. She states that the beliefs of the catholic church now are perverted, and that priests today are not even real priests. When we got married, we had to fly in a special Bishop from across the country to wed us… Also we didnt do it in a church, because she said churches today aren’t really churches. her and her mom also made me get “re-baptised” and “re-confirmed” …doubting that mine was real being in todays church. that kind of irked me, but I had belief in my faith, and i knew my stance on things, so I just went along.


#7

[quote="JosonB, post:6, topic:227501"]
By traditional catholic, yes, she prefers the old latin mass. She states that the beliefs of the catholic church now are perverted, and that priests today are not even real priests. When we got married, we had to fly in a special Bishop from across the country to wed us.. Also we didnt do it in a church, because she said churches today aren't really churches. her and her mom also made me get "re-baptised" and "re-confirmed" ...doubting that mine was real being in todays church. that kind of irked me, but I had belief in my faith, and i knew my stance on things, so I just went along.

[/quote]

So your wife is a sede-vacanist evidently. She believe that we cuurently have no legitiamte Pope. You are in a difficult situation to be sure.

I think that you should talk to your priest about these issues of being re-baptized and re-confirmed...If you have not confessed this you probably should. I would also say that there is certainly a question about the validity of yours benig a sacramental marriage in the eyes of the church. Others here might be able to address this with you better.

Peace
James


#8

You cannot live in dark, you must clear the things with your wife. I will pray for you and her that she let you go to Mass. If not I have a hunch that the St Paul's privilege to terminate the marriage (if the pagan party does not want to live with the baptized one) applies here in essence. The active connection to God is more important than the family.

Talk it over with your priest


#9

I think it better to assume the marriage valid until proven otherwise. It would be a good idea to get pastoral advice, though. In the meantime, the OP has little choice but to insist that the precepts of the Church have not changed, and that there is an obligation to attend Mass. I think, too, that he could point out that it is a heresy that a bad bishop cannot validly ordain priests or that a bad priest cannot confect a valid Mass. As for the re-baptism and re-confirmation, I think he acted in good faith. Nevertheless, this whole situation is a good one for some in-depth pastoral counselling from a wise priest.

If the OP can find a Latin Mass to attend, I think it would fit in with the spirit of 1 Cor. 10, especially this:
*Avoid giving offense, whether to Jews or Greeks or the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in every way, not seeking my own benefit but that of the many, that they may be saved. *

If there are valid Masses that give his wife offense on account of her scruples and valid Masses that do not, the OP would act in a praiseworthy manner if he were to submit to going to the Mass that does not offend her. He may not avoid fulfilling a precept of the Church because his wife doesn’t like it. I would expect the help of a spiritual advisor would be essential as he navigates his way through this.


#10

Unless the OP’er wants to go there (the marriage validity issue), I wouldn’t go there in this discussion. That would be more appropriate if he were to be wanting to get out of the relationship, which does not appear to be the case.

As far as “re-baptism” or “re-confirmation”, sure, talk to a priest, but if done properly once, there is no such thing as redoing these sacraments, as they are “once only”. If there was a question about the OP’s baptism or confirmation’s validity, they could be done conditionally, but that’s not what it sounds like in this case (except perhaps in the eyes of the Mrs. and MIL.

I think this is an excellent suggestion.


#11

her and her mom also made me get "re-baptised" and "re-confirmed" ...doubting that mine was real being in todays church. that kind of irked me, but I had belief in my faith, and i knew my stance on things, so I just went along.

made you?

time to stop just going along.

go to confession. perhaps confess the sin of doubting the validity of the sacraments (as evidenced by your feigning a second baptism and confirmation.)

go to mass and bring the kids. be a kind and gentle IMMOVABLE force.

if you're unable to prevent your wife bulldozing you, maybe you need counselling.


#12

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