Please be nice to me - I'm a college student and recent convert to the Church and I'm just trying to figure things out. I really, really don't want this thread to turn into a fight.
To get to the point ... I have attended OF Masses since I became interested in the Church and throughout my conversion process. I love the Mass, but as my spiritual life has deepened I have begun to be troubled by certain elements (i.e. the "sign of peace", a - to me - distracting episode that for some reason has been placed at the pivotal moment after the consecration and before asking God for mercy) as well as some significant abuses that I have seen from a number of different priests lately, at different parishes - some of these abuses were extensive and appalling, and the laity just went along with everything. I go to daily Mass and these Masses are reverent but I have begun to actually dread Sunday Mass for various reasons.
Largely because of this, yesterday I went to the only local EF. It was a low Mass with a very elderly priest and almost no one there. It was beautiful ... but I can't even express how miserable I felt afterwards and still feel ... taking part in the ancient rite only confirmed the painful growing feeling that the current OF was a real misstep for the Church. It is incomprehensible to me why the old rite was done away with so drastically. It was also painful to see how few people there were, and how much difficulty this priest has in being able to celebrate this Mass. And it's perplexing to me to see so much hostility aimed against those who love this rite.
I have a strange feeling of mourning as if it has finally been brought home to me how much the Church that I have just joined, that I love, is struggling. I don't know how to express it. I keep crying uncontrollably. I feel adrift as if I don't know anymore how or where to anchor myself spiritually. When I pray I feel abandoned by God and I wonder if I have done something wrong.
Has anyone felt this way ... and if so ... how do you cope?