Same old negative thinking - different day


#1

I feel driven to prove that I am contributing to the world & society. (it all boils down to that college degree that I didnt earn & Im not so sure its that important to me anymore) Its just an added pressure Ive put on myself & it just wont go away!

I want to see myself as the Lord sees me.

Tell me how you overcome these feelings of inadequacy?:frowning:

Thanks


#2

Dearest Katesmom,
Sent you a PM. We may have some things in common and if I can help in anyway let me know.
You ARE a wonderful child of God and a gift to all those who know you!


#3

At 48 I can say that not getting my degree has not hurt me in any way. I used to think the same way you are right now. Your subject line says it all though, “same old negative thinking - different day”.

For me it was just a matter of time (note, getting older), discovering food allergies and sensitivities that made me more sensitive to what others said or may be thinking about me, all this has helped me to become (most of the times) comfortable with who I am and the decisions I have made in life (by worldly standards I have wasted the last 28 years of my life, by being a SAHM and now a SAHW!)

I definitely have other interests, I volunteer in other venues than I did when my girls were at home, I also run my own business that is “my time, my earnings” (note I am an Avon Rep. but this could be the same if I sold Tupperware or Stampin’Up or Creative Memories or Pampered Chef etc.)

You are a child of God, you have done what you need to do right now. There is a wonderful Bible verse that is found in Proverbs? It has to do with there is a time for everything in our lives, when I could have been earning tons of money, or working my way up the “ladder of success” it was the time to be a mommy, your job probalby allows you to be the best mommy you can be right now, something that probably wouldn’t have happened if you had a degree!

You are welcome to PM me as well if you want :slight_smile: .

Brenda V.


#4

[quote=katesmom]I feel driven to prove that I am contributing to the world & society.
[/quote]

Why do you have **prove **you are contributing to the world & society?

In fact, why do you have to contribute to the world & society in the first place?

From the Catechism:

Why did God make me?

God made me to know, love and serve Him in this world, and to be happy forever with Him in the next.

Nothing is mentioned here about proving anything. And nothing is mentioned here about contributing to the world & society.


#5

Who said you’re supposed to contribute to the world and society? They’ve gotten along this far without you haven’t they?

You would contribute more by not complaining and giving yourself an excuse to be depressed. You must be meant for something else.


#6

[quote=Chris Jacobsen]Why do you have **prove **you are contributing to the world & society?

In fact, why do you have to contribute to the world & society in the first place?

From the Catechism:

Why did God make me?

God made me to know, love and serve Him in this world, and to be happy forever with Him in the next.

Nothing is mentioned here about proving anything. And nothing is mentioned here about contributing to the world & society.
[/quote]

Great points. I do think that Katesmom, you also need to look at what you are already doing, right now for society! You are working as a medical secretary right? Well, without you the Dr. or Drs. you work for wouldn’t be able to do what they do, that is take care of the sick and help prevent others from getting sick! You are also being a Mom and Wife, the two most important contributions to society any woman can do, if indeed that is her vocation (there are those who have a vocation to the consecrated life or to be single so their contributions are different from yours and mine).

If you are suffereing from depression, look into your diet, try low-carbing it for awhile because, as odd as this sounds, those carbs from grains and very simple sugars especially are hard on our emotional well being!

Brenda V.


#7

I heartily agree with the others, and just wanted to say that you sound more like a person who is at a point in life when we reassess what we thought we wanted and needed to do or become. Be assured that you dont’ need to become anything God doesn’t want you to be. Going to college may be too much with all your other responsibilities, so instead try going to a class in some subject your interested in, such as creative writing or painting or clay modeling, etc. Whatever interests you. Or get involved in some service-oriented apostolate at your parish.

I think all you need is something that gives you the satisfaction of doing or making something. Let your kids get involved with you, if they like and if you want them to. Don’t take it all so seriously. Enjoy what God has given you and be glad for all you have–that’s all you need to do with your life as a good wife, mother, worker, parish member, etc.


#8

[quote=katesmom]I feel driven to prove that I am contributing to the world & society. (it all boils down to that college degree that I didnt earn & Im not so sure its that important to me anymore) Its just an added pressure Ive put on myself & it just wont go away!

I want to see myself as the Lord sees me.

Tell me how you overcome these feelings of inadequacy?:frowning:

Thanks
[/quote]

The best advice I can give you is the method I have learned.

++++ As soon as you notice that you are comparing yourself to another person or standard STOP!

++++As soon as you notice yourself comparing other people to each other or a specific standard STOP! IF you are feeling judgemental of another person, or are hurt angry annoyed or disappointed by them, STOP!

Then immediately do this:

As yourself this question: “What am I trying to do for the Kingdom of Heaven?” ** Not what have I succeeded in doing, what have I failed to do, what have I lost or gained in life… NO what am I TRYING to do. When it involves another person ask "What is that person trying to do and how does it contribute to the kingdom of Heaven?" **

When you do this it changes your habit of thought from beating yourself up or judging yourself and others by the world’s standards and you begin to see yourself and others through the eyes of God. Rather than thinking negatively, the focus changes to a contemplation on the Kingdom of Heaven and God’s love for us, human dignity and value. You will also discover many accomplishments God has seen that the rest of the world had overlooked, or downplayed, especially as a mother.

It is humbling to think that God’s most perfect creation was a woman who would be the mother of Jesus. In her we see a model for what God values in character and His idea of the most perfect version of a human being. I would be willing to lay bets that you are much closer to that than if you were doing all the things you had hoped or planned as a highschool student, or think you should be doing. I understand where you are coming from, and deal with the same questions. By doing this exercise I gave you, I realized even more how deeply I am blessed. Just as the Lord keeps priests, brothers and sisters for his own, he keeps mothers (and fathers) to procreate and cooperate with his Graces to be good parents.

You will truly know that your dignity and worth don’t depend on how much you have accomplished according to the world’s tally, but in the sheer fact that you are a child of God. Many of us know this intellectually but somewhere in our hearts we still hold onto the worry that we don’t measure up. It’s a matter of changing the broken record in your head to another tune. It sounds simple but it totally works!


#9

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