Same sex attraction need advice

hello, i was hoping to get some help. i’ve been dealing with the thoughts of same sex attraction for close to a year and I was brought up as a catholic and very close to my faith. Lately I’ve been feeling so lost and empty. And more importantly I know it’s wrong to have these type of thoughts, but it’s so hard and I feel shameful and guilty because I know in my heart what’s right and what God wants for me. I just feel so bad for turning away from Jesus and more importantly myself. I feel like I don’t deserve his love, for all he does for me. Please I was hoping you can keep me in your prayers. Thank you and God bless.

Thoughts are only sinful when they are purposely ruminated and fueled. Various thoughts will pop into our heads, sometimes quite frequently. The mind very gradually comes under better control through practice, but spontaneous thoughts shouldn’t cause you alarm.

Same-sex attraction is a fairly common occurrence. What matters is how we choose to live. Jesus loves you more than you could ever love yourself. It isn’t about us or what we deserve. It’s for love of him.



Praying for you. Be at peace. SSA is not in itself a sin. Acting on it is, but if you live a chaste life, you have nothing to fear. All single people are called to live a chaste life.

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Everyone is called to live a chaste life.

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This is a matter of what definition you are using.


Well, it is a Catholic forum and you were referring to a calling, so the obvious definition should be with regards to the virtue of chastity. From the CCC

2237 Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.

The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift.

You might try thinking about something else when you start having a thought about this. If you dwell on it it makes it worse doesn’t it.

Same sex attraction won’t do you any good as a Catholic but you could contain it, limit the damage by discouraging the thoughts and certainly by not acting upon your inclination. Attractive people are nice to look at by defintion but that doesn’t mean we need to have sex with them. Sounds weird put like that doesn’t it?

This has been said a few times already, but just to be clear, you’re not sinning by experiencing feelings you’re not choosing. Maybe you should check out Courage?

Also, you didn’t say how old you are, but it’s not uncommon for people to go through a period of sexual confusion in adolescence. Maybe that’s whats going on with you, maybe not, but something to consider.

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Please reach out to the Courage apostalate.

Attractions and feelings are not the same as decisions and choices.
God isn’t mad at you because you are attracted to your own sex.
However, sexual activity is only for within marriage.
And yes, there are same sex attracted Catholics who live within the bounds of Church teaching, they just usually don’t talk about it because they get crap from the people who believe that everybody must be in a sexual relationship.
I’ll remember you in my prayers as you’re figuring everything out.

PS the high school and college years are characterized by a lot of instability and changes.
Don’t go thinking you have to slap any label on yourself.


Unfortunately, they don’t have a teen outreach/support group (yet).
They do, however, have a lot of literature to read, and the OP could probably email contact them and someone might be able to get back to them.

I too have SSA. I have been a member of Courage and am going to join them again on the advice of a priest.

This series of essays, particularly the final one, helped me a lot.

A quote from the final essay that opened my eyes:

“This means that homosexuals did not choose their condition. … Homosexuality would, in this sense, escape moral evaluation. It could not be considered a fault or a sin that prevents reception of the sacraments. Mechanisms and tendencies in themselves are neither moral nor immoral: they exist.”

If you are on Facebook, Courage has a Facebook page where thousands gather together for support. I can help you get in there if you’d like.

I find that unwanted thoughts diminish if I pray when I notice I am having them. I pray the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and the St Michael the Archangel prayer, asking for help and protection.

Random thoughts do not have to affect us or our relationship with God; the effect happens only when we latch on to the thoughts and accept them. Otherwise they are just random thoughts.

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