saying sorry


#1

Hello

Is it easier for you to go to confession on a regular basis

or

to actually say sorry to the people you are hurting through the sins you confess at confession on the regular basis.

which do you think is the most important? Sorry in the confessional? or Sorry to the person you have unintentionally or intentionally hurt through the sin you have comitted


#2

it depends on the SIN

I mean some of the sins, people will not say sorry to the person because the person may not know, and if they were to find out they would lose that person as a friend, husband , wife , ext

also - sometimes the SIN is of temptation, or desire such as , masterbation, pornography and what not…

but if im going to confession for punching my brother (hypothetical) of course I would want to say sorry to my brother as well as going to confession for it


#3

It's **easier **for me to apologize and ask forgiveness of someone I have wronged. I absolutely *dread *confession.

However, it's more **important **to go to confession because it's a sacrament. Father can always tell me to apologize as part of my penance if he sees fit. Penance is the easiest part of confession.


#4

so that means its easier to go to confession than it is to face the person you have hurt, though if you haven't hurt them in the first place you wouldn't need to go to confession because of them. Is confession a lazy way of saying sorry to the person you have hurt. If you have hurt your friend in some way, the chances are they are probably willing you to say sorry to them too and feel extra hurt that you have gone to confession to say sorry because they know you are Catholic, but can't actually say sorry to them in person. And the hurt deepends and the friendship is lost anyway.

I am not talking about the sins we do not know about as they haven't appeared to us yet and you wouldn't be saying them in confession because you don't know about them yet. But I don't mean this in any way what so ever but is confession like a cop out for not saying sorry to the person you have sinned in person? No matter how hard confession is, its still easier than facing the person because we are aware of consequences or fear the consequences yet if we said a simple sorry at the time our sin is revealed to us? there wouldn't be any real consequences that we fear?


#5

[quote="englishredrose, post:4, topic:284651"]
No matter how hard confession is, its still easier than facing the person

[/quote]

Not to me. It's easier for me to apologise to a person than confess to a priest.


#6

[quote="englishredrose, post:4, topic:284651"]
so that means its easier to go to confession than it is to face the person you have hurt, though if you haven't hurt them in the first place you wouldn't need to go to confession because of them. Is confession a lazy way of saying sorry to the person you have hurt. If you have hurt your friend in some way, the chances are they are probably willing you to say sorry to them too and feel extra hurt that you have gone to confession to say sorry because they know you are Catholic, but can't actually say sorry to them in person. And the hurt deepends and the friendship is lost anyway.

I am not talking about the sins we do not know about as they haven't appeared to us yet and you wouldn't be saying them in confession because you don't know about them yet. But I don't mean this in any way what so ever but is confession like a cop out for not saying sorry to the person you have sinned in person? No matter how hard confession is, its still easier than facing the person because we are aware of consequences or fear the consequences yet if we said a simple sorry at the time our sin is revealed to us? there wouldn't be any real consequences that we fear?

[/quote]

But if, for instance, someone had been thinking impurely about another of the opposite gender, both parties would surely feel so awkward after the former confessed this sin and apologized for it to the latter that from then on they might not be able to remain acquaintances or friends.


#7

[quote="englishredrose, post:1, topic:284651"]
Hello

Is it easier for you to go to confession on a regular basis

or

to actually say sorry to the people you are hurting through the sins you confess at confession on the regular basis.

which do you think is the most important? Sorry in the confessional? or Sorry to the person you have unintentionally or intentionally hurt through the sin you have comitted

[/quote]

Both are equally important and efficacious - going to confession helps me improve the relationships with the people in my life.

However, I'm not going to tell anyone but my wife but I had lustful thoughts about them!


#8

[quote="Trebor135, post:6, topic:284651"]
But if, for instance, someone had been thinking impurely about another of the opposite gender, both parties would surely feel so awkward after the former confessed this sin and apologized for it to the latter that from then on they might not be able to remain acquaintances or friends.

[/quote]

but that is only a thought isn't it and not an actual sin. we cannot easily control our thoughts but we can learn how not to act on our thoughts or let them control us in time. But as you haven't done anything, there is nothing to say sorry for. In this sense. :)

but there again, if you regularly said sorry enough then people would become used to others saying sorry to them for impure thoughts of them and learn how to respond to the sorry. it is only because we don't do so that we don't know how to handle it. if everybody did so then the embarrassment would no longer be there and almost the sin possible be less of a burden for people who suffer this regularly enough.:) just a thought there.


#9

[quote="englishredrose, post:8, topic:284651"]
but that is only a thought isn't it and not an actual sin. we cannot easily control our thoughts but we can learn how not to act on our thoughts or let them control us in time. But as you haven't done anything, there is nothing to say sorry for. In this sense. :)

[/quote]

Sinful thoughts can be "actual sins". Each week in the Confiteor we acknowledge that fact:

I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
**that I have greatly sinned,
in my thoughts
* and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault
;
therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.*

Although, I do agree that in the example of impure thoughts, an apology to that person may do more harm than good.


#10

[quote="englishredrose, post:1, topic:284651"]
Hello

Is it easier for you to go to confession on a regular basis

or

to actually say sorry to the people you are hurting through the sins you confess at confession on the regular basis.

which do you think is the most important? Sorry in the confessional? or Sorry to the person you have unintentionally or intentionally hurt through the sin you have comitted

[/quote]

I've read a few of the responses on here and I think both are important. If we hurt someone, we should always try to make amends with them. By confessing the sin to our Priest we not only receive God's forgiveness, but also a stronger soul which will hopefully help us from commiting this same sin again. And certainly don't be discouraged if you do re-commit a sin. You won't be the first or the last. Continue to ask forgiveness and confess.

I used to be more fearful of confession, but I am appreciating more as I get older what a wonderful Sacrament this is. My kids and I just went this past weekend and my 17 year old daughter told me afterwards how wonderful she felt. We truly are so blessed to have this as part of our Catholic faith. Don't run from it.... run to it!!


#11

In Matthew Christ tells his audience to "Go first and be reconciled to your brother..." and Paul tells the Church in Corinth "If we confess our sins God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness".

Confessing to the wronged and celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation are two sides of the same coin. I personally find the process of reconciliation as a whole to be difficult. And there's no real easy answer as reconciliation is a very situational thing. Sometimes it may be easier in front of the priest - in Persona Christi - than in front of the person I've wronged. Other times it's easier to confess to the person - especially a close friend or understanding partner/family member.

There is also the therapeutic nature of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and it may often be the first stop instead of the second. We receive Grace from the Sacrament and often instruction from our pastor that may help us reconcile with our brothers.

And we must consider what we've done. Christ said "Anybody who is angry with their brother is subject to judgement" and "Anyone that looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart", so even though I may not have personally wronged somebody (got cut off in traffic and yelled hateful things at an anonymous driver) it's still a sin and it needs to be recognized and addressed, yet I can't realistically hunt down an anonymous person in a city of 1 million and beg their forgiveness, can I ? But going to confession compels me to recall these things because I earnestly wish to confess them to the Lord. It causes introspection, which reminds me again of what Paul said "If we say we have no sin the Truth is not in us..."


#12

I just find that removing the burden of guilt through confession helps me work to heal relationships.


#13

So what happens if the person that we wronged, we do not ever see again?


#14

thats when you do talk to a priest etc to help us come to terms that we cannot forgive as to be forgiven. they help us work it through.

we are very good at putting up the barriers aren't we as to why not say sorry to someone too? I have read more objections of why we shouldn't say sorry to another person as well as in confession than reasons why we should say sorry to the person and that speaks quite alot in this short space of time:blush:


#15

Pray that God will let them know or give you the chance to do so in person. Put it in God’s hands with a sincere heart. He will take care of both of you.


#16

[quote="englishredrose, post:1, topic:284651"]

Is it easier for you to go to confession on a regular basis
or
to actually say sorry to the people you are hurting through the sins you confess at confession on the regular basis.

which do you think is the most important? Sorry in the confessional? or Sorry to the person you have unintentionally or intentionally hurt through the sin you have comitted

[/quote]

It depends what the sins are. But generally, I agree with what constantconvert said:

It's easier for me to apologize and ask forgiveness of someone I have wronged. I absolutely dread confession

This totally applies to me!


#17

[quote="feed_me, post:13, topic:284651"]
So what happens if the person that we wronged, we do not ever see again?

[/quote]

Pray for them.


#18

Confession is a SACRAMENT. It was give to us by Jesus to help us get to Heaven. It is not a lazy anything, it is not a cop out. Your question is in itself, disrespectful of this sacrament. I know exactly what you are trying to suggest.


#19

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:18, topic:284651"]
Confession is a SACRAMENT. It was give to us by Jesus to help us get to Heaven. It is not a lazy anything, it is not a cop out. Your question is in itself, disrespectful of this sacrament. I know exactly what you are trying to suggest.

[/quote]

I disagree. Many of us have too much pride to ask forgiveness directly of the person we have offended, if it is possible, and go to Confession to ask forgiveness for what we have done without attempting to reconcile with our brother or sister. That is a "lazy" way of dealing with the offense. Jesus himself has stated that we MUST be reconciled with our brothers and sisters before we approach the altar. Just confessing is only half of the process if it is possible to ask forgiveness. We cannot fool God. He knows exactly what we are doing and why.


#20

Sorry Therealjulianna I am not trying to suggest anything. I am simply exploring what people think of the opening question. Sorry if that has offended you but I am just trying to work out the process of being sorry is about the whole process of being sorry. I am trying to work out whether people think being sorry in confession is enough or do they/we see the whole picture. The feedback i have had have been rewarding that people do say they are sorry etc to those they hurt too and find that easier than in confession.

I am glad it has gone against my own assumption of thinking that people are able to go to confession and say sorry but don’t actually bother saying sorry to individuals they have hurt - naturally when that ‘sin’ appears to them etc. I am glad to read that people do find it easier to say sorry to the indviduals they have hurt and that confession is not some kind of cop out as I am exploring. I am the first one to say a clear simple sorry in my experience in situations and wondered if this is because I do go to confession (albiet anglican) and kind of wonderring if this is a catholic trend or not that catholics tend to be quick at being able to say sorry and whether confession helps us to do that or not. And please note I have carefully used the small case c for catholic meaning universal. Off all the years, the current priest has been the only person to say sorry to me direct when something had happend yet he been only one and I’ve said sorry to plenty of folk through my time but just one have only ever said sorry to me though been hurt plenty enough in return for a few sorries to be merrited but yeh it takes a lot for people to say sorry in any style-so it not the case of not hearing their sorry… I am not playing the violin here but explaining why I am trying to explore the whole process of saying sorry in and out of confession.


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