I don't know exactly how to articulate what I'm feeling at this moment other than I am extremely discouraged and extremely nervous/afraid of the future.
I have grown up in a Southern Baptist home and raised by two very loving parents who continue to serve and work in a SBC Church. My mom plays piano and my Dad is a deacon in the SBC.
I also have a younger brother who is a "small group" leader, regular sunday school attender, and plays in the orchestra at the SBC Church where I am also on the membership role.
I have continued to be minimally involved at my brother's SBC Church and I play in the orchestra there as well. I do this mostly to please my parents. I cannot bear being involved in a "small group" or going to "sunday school", because essentially in beliefs about theology and scripture I am a Catholic and I feel very drawn to an especially traditional practice of the Catholic faith (attending the Extraordinary Form Mass, traditional devotions, reading writings from more ancient popes and saints).
I finally reached a point about two years ago where I had to abandon going to sunday school class or attending "small group" because it brought me too much emotional pain to deal with beacuse I had to suppress my true beliefs in the group or be severely reprimanded and argued with about them.
During the time that I have been minimally involved in my SBC Church by playing in the orchestra there, I have tried to make it to Mass as often as possible, sometimes on Saturday nights and sometimes on Sunday afternoons when family has been out of town. I have kept this mostly a secret from my family. I live on my own about 20 minutes from them. My girlfriend is a cradle Catholic and she has helped encourage me some, however she only goes to mass a few times a year or when she is with me. I would not call her practicing from what I've observed. We are long distance as well, so this makes things rather different for us too.
I am at a breaking point I feel regarding my faith and I don't know what I should do or how I should handle things. I have tried to speak to my father before about Catholicism and was met with extreme hostility and a very argumentative and angry attitude. My brother has also expressed similar feelings, and I believe my mother will be more of a hurt and disappointed demeanor.
I feel that I may be at a cross roads where I have to choose my faith in my God or my relationship with my parents and brother. I feel that if I don't get recieved into the Church that my faith is going to become so frustrated that it may die. I can't imagine that my family will ever understand or fully accept me at least not any time soon if I convert to the Catholic Church and leave my SBC church.
I love you Lord Jesus....please give me the strength to follow You.
I appreciate any advice that anyone can give and your prayers. Thank you all for your encouragement and knowledge that you have shared over the years I have spent on this forum. I am so afraid and feel so discouraged.....