Scared of intimate relations with DH


#1

We just had a baby and DH is literally counting down the days until we can be intimate again. However, I am completely scared that I will get pregnant too soon.

I am breast feeding so I should not ovulate, i.e. cant get pregnant. But in the slim chance that I do…anyhow, I just need to trust in God more. Please pray to help strengthen my faith that no matter when I get pregnant again it is God’s will.

Also, if you have any other advice, please share.


#2

My advice is to have an honest conversation with your husband about your fears. He surely wouldn’t want to satisfy his own needs while disregarding your physical or emotional comfort. For all you know he may think you are just as anxious as he is to “get back to normal.” I doubt he wants a chronically fearful or stressed wife. See if you can’t take some time to evaluate your fertility if you are practicing NFP. You need to be informed before resuming any activity that might lead to another pregnancy before you are physically or emotionally prepared to handle it.


#3

Invest your time in NFP classes. And please please please don’t count on the breast feeding if you really have sincere reasons to avoid pregnancy, it’s not reliable!!!

I relate by the way, my baby is 13 months old and I still have that feeling of “I’m not ready, I’m not ready” . . . is anyone ever really ready?


#4

Actually Bookgirl, “In fact, the World Health Organization estimates that exclusive breastfeeding during the first six months of your child’s life will result in pregnancy only about .9%-1.2% of the time.”

bellaonline.com/articles/art30658.asp

NFP would not be realiable while bc exclusively because there is a low chance she would ovulate and get pregnant, and it would not be predictable when she would ovulate if she did because it can happen at any time. It could still be beneficial to chart so if it happens today, tomorrow or in 6 months she would know it’s happened and can expect her period to be coming - of course that will not help her prevent pregnancy at that time since you can’t tell until after you’ve ovulated by charting.

While with NFP, “Effectiveness (failure rate): 2%-25%. Of 100 women who use natural family planning, 2 will become pregnant during the first year of perfect use. 25 out of 100 will become pregnant with typical use in one year.”

www.stanford.edu/group/SHPRC/ch6_nat.html

Therefore, it would be safer to rely on exclusively bf, not nfp to prevent pregnancy when nursing.

Poster, there is always a chance of pregnancy no matter what you do if you are having sex. You will unfortunately either have to take the risk, or you will have to abstain.


#5

Actually BlueRubies… there are many studies that have shown higher effectiveness rates of NFP…
For example… a very recent one from Feb 2007

Here’s a quote from the study…

RESULTS: After 13 cycles, 1.8 per 100 women of the cohort experienced an unintended pregnancy; 9.2 per 100 women dropped out because of dissatisfaction with the method; the pregnancy rate was 0.6 per 100 women and per 13 cycles when there was no unprotected intercourse in the fertile time. CONCLUSIONS: The STM is a highly effective family planning method, provided the appropriate guidelines are consistently adhered to.

While this study doesn’t directly address postpartum NFP, it certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not an effective method.

Exclusive breastfeeding does work for many women… but for many it doesn’t guarantee infertility even for the first 6 months.
(I’m a perfect example of that!)

BUT, tracking your cycle using NFP isn’t impossible during breastfeeding either. Yes, you have to be very vigilant to record your fertility signs (during breastfeeding the MOST important signs are the cervical mucous and cervical position… temperature is a secondary indicator of ovulation, not primary)… but I was easily able to detect my first postpartum ovulation (before my first period) after both of my previous pregnancies… at 5 1/2 and 7 1/2 months postpartum. So that’s a cumulative total of 13 months using NFP during breastfeeding without having a regular cycle to track… not bad! :slight_smile:

LuciaGdeLopez - I highly recommend going to NFP classes and self-educating as much as possible. Again, postpartum NFP is the most difficult time to track, but it’s not impossible. Definitely concentrate and study the most on the cervical mucous and cervical position signs, as these will be your best indicators of fertility during your non-cycling breastfeeding month.

Good luck and many prayers for you!


#6

Okay, the only type of breastfeeding that can help postpone return of fertility is ecological breastfeeding. See here for some guidelines:
ccli.org/nfp/ebf/summary.php
Also check out Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing by Sheila Kippley

Using EB, the chance of getting pregnant is next to nil for the first 3 months, it increases slowly after that.

Also, using NFP while nursing is quite possible (and EB is considered a form of NFP). All methods have a postpartem component to them. Usually mucous is the most reliable indicator postpartem, with temps letting you know that ovulation occured.

Please find a teacher and learn a method if you have a serious need to postpone another pregnancy.
nfpandmore.com
ccli.org
boma-usa.org
creightonmodel.com

One more thing I’d like to add. Those rates posted above, combine ALL forms of NPF–even the old rhythm method–so the rates are not accurate for the new forms of NFP that are much closer to 99-98% effective if used properly (which means you need to learn it properly for it to be effective). It also doesn’t take into account those NFP users who are willing to take “chances” because they decided that it was okay to have a baby at that time. :wink:


#7

Really? I don’t doubt your quote, but my mom gave birth to me just 13 months after my brother was born. She thought the same thing but I guess I am in those statistics.


#8

I don’t see what the problem would be in practicing NFP while breastfeeding, it’s perfectly possible. Maybe harder to have confidence with a lack of a period, but completely possible.

As far as the statistic from WHO, I’d rather follow my doctor. I’m not ignoring the statistic, but if I’m really trying to avoid, then why take chances?


#9

Hi, I’m writing to sympathize with you! My first baby is 12 mos old now and since she’s been born I’ve taken 4 pregnancy tests. Right after she was born I was so nervous that I would get pregnant again right away. She was a honeymoon baby so DH and I didn’t get much experience with NFP before she was born. I’m just learning now to trust NFP and I find myself saying, “Hey, this NFP stuff really works!” Also, even though DH is eager to get back to business, I found it best to wait until my body was ready. For you, that may or may not be the 4-6 weeks textbook timeframe that doctors give. Good luck!


#10

I can totally sympathize with you, LuciaGdeLopez. I am 2 months postpartum and though we’ve resumed relations, I am still scared about getting pregnant right now. DH knows that is one of the reasons I am less than enthusiastic and is very respectful of it. You’re right is saying that some of it is trust - trust that no matter what, God has the best in mind for you, whether that means another baby very soon or a long time from now.

As for advice - I agree you should talk with your husband. If you are like me, you have several reasons you’re worried about getting pregnant. For me, they are mostly about the difficulty of being pregnant (I’m not a good pregnant woman!) and concern about managing two babies at once. Yours may be different. Explain them to DH and listen to why he might or might not be concerned. That way the two of you can support each other in your faith in God. Also, I find that spending time with DH, having fun together, and even just talking, helps me relax and not be so worried during relations (worrying just kills the mood!).

MJ


#11

I was exclusively breastfeeding my first, and was sure that I couldn’t ovulate when my cycles returned like clockwork at 7 weeks post-partum. I came extremely close to the description of ecological breastfeeding, so I was shocked when this happened. Exactly when the first ovulation occurred, I can’t be positive, but I’m quite sure I was another “exception” to the rules.

My point is not to go debating exactly how one must breastfeed to be least likely to ovulate, or how true certain statistics are. But if you need to postpone pregnancy, you really should learn NFP - prefereably from someone who is familiar with breastfeeding. I’m not sure which programs are considered most sensitive to the breastfeeding mothers - only that if you are nursing your baby at night, there is a good chance that your temperatures won’t be reliable - so sympto-thermal may not work well in that case. It may be a little tougher than it was before, but it can be done. And of course, it is very possible that you will be one of the many whose fertility does not return for a long time.


#12

I can totally relate. DH is also counting down the days. Last night I told him that I probably won’t be ready. Does anyone know the rules for formula fed babies? I can’t find my NFP book.


#13

The rules should be the same no matter what (even for breastfeeding… it’s always a great idea to watch your fertility signs)…
Definitely refresh your studies of the cervical position and cervical mucous signs… tracking those “religiously” will be your best bet! If you start seeing a consistent sign of possible ovulation, start taking your temperature in order to see if the ovulation was real (you’d see a temp rise once ovulation is completed if it’s for real)…

Personally… in my experience… I found the cervical position sign to be the MOST useful during this postpartum stage. (I actually hadn’t paid much attention to that sign prior to postpartum tracking). I had lots of sketchy mucous patterns that were difficult to discern, but the cervical position was very useful for me! So pull out your old books… and search for more information online… the more self-education you can get the better! :thumbsup:


#14

I am so bad at determining cervical position. PM me if you have any pointers!


#15

I’m not trying to pick a fight here or anything. But I have to reply further to this, just so people are not mislead about NFP.

  1. NFP does not predict when you will ovulating, it tells you when you did, but also that you are NOT ovulating.

  2. NFP has nothing to do with knowing when your period is coming. The only time you want to know when you’re ovulating at the time of ovulation is when you WANT to get pregnant. Even if you know you ovulated three days ago, you know you ovulated, that’s why you wait a count of three days after the last time you see the signs of ovulation.

I’m not trying to talk people out of breastfeeding, far from it, but I just don’t want anyone to be confused about NFP.


closed #16

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