The balance is a problem. I remember people telling me I said things or made moves too soon in a relationship, while at other times they would say I was too slow and the girl thought I wouldn’t ever. The conclusion, after years, is that it doesn’t really matter what people say, and that it doesn’t really matter if it works or if it does not. As two wrongs don’t make a right, neither will a dozen of lies, omissions, unhealthy compromises and unwarranted concessions make a happy relationship. Sometimes I think one got to do the right thing and God will reward the righteous. Kind of an Old Testament view, isn’t it?
At any rate, I can see some similarities to my own situation. In fact, quite a lot. Wish we could meet at a beer and talk about life in reality. Anyway, you nailed it: you need someone moral and honest. Since you’ve experienced a lot of injustice in your life, while clinging to justice with your spirit, you probably have such a sense for it that you need someone with very precise views and a defined heart. That’s something thought of as a male virtue, though it’s by no means exclusive, especially as a virtue (perhaps as a personality trait it has some male character), but surprisingly, compassion that’s normally regarded as female, doesn’t have to go wrong. Perhaps you need a good girl to show you that compassion is a sister of justice. Just make sure you don’t run into someone with a pattern of double standards and peculiar logic, although beware that you will not escape misunderstandings and even strifes totally. At many points you’ll be at a loss or even annoyed by the way a woman things as opposed to a man - although there’s more to it than the sexes. Generally, it’s hard to accept someone else’s perspective as as valid as our own. Especially if one has a strong sense of justice, and developed views.
The difficult thing is that things will not be done your way. That sometimes you’ll be doing things someone else’s way and that while you’ll want to do things your way and will have the ability to make that decision, you will still want the other person to accept rather than just follow you. I hate the word “compromise”, but some meshing has to happen. And finding someone just like you is not the answer. Sometimes finding someone with differing perspectives can be quite enriching. People with similar perspectives will still find differences.
As for girlfriends, well, don’t worry, and try not to judge all of them by just one. The future one(s) is (are) not responsible for the past one. They don’t even need to be compared favourably, they’d better not be compared at all. Each of us is different, no matter 98% of the DNA is the same, if not more. I’ve had so many failures with could have beens and proper exes, it’s hard to expect anything else. But I still hope for the right one at some point, although I can’t imagine it and I realise it might well not happen, but that’s a part of it and a part of life. It’s not like I can’t be productive otherwise.
Don’t let it all grind you down.