School & Babies? Work & Babies? Anyone do 2 or all 3?


#1

The discernment for when to get married is still going on! :rolleyes:

I am wondering…are there any mommies on this thread who also go to school or work? Do you have regrets about having children while still in school? Do you feel pressure working and having kids?

I know I really like attending school and I also really like working. Assuming that my FH can provide for a small family on one income, I would still want to go to school and work. I am 99% sure that I would switch to work at home so I could be a SAHM, and I would just take nightly or once-weekly and internet classes.

Do you think this is feasible? I suppose if I could just hear from others who have done these things, it would give me more insight. Of the examples I have, some people either waited several years until school was finished and any woman who married sooner simply didn’t complete school. Is it possible to do both?

If I stick with our current date, I will have my senior year and one semester left before completing my undergraduate degree, then I start working on my MBA. I am still planning to attend MS and possibly the dual degree md/jd. So the question begins to bug me…when exactly is a good time to jump in???

Should I wait it out? Or just go ahead? :eek: :confused:


#2

We had four children while completing our degrees…it CAN be done; however, while having babies I could only take two classes at a time. It’s very hard to be away from your babies even for one or two hours (even if DH is with them). I’d recommend that you finish your under grad degree first if possible before jumping in…it was really hard to finish it after our babies came!
Good questions you have and I’m glad you’re thinking ahead. :wink:


#3

I did Nursing school full time (12 credit hrs.) with a 9 month old and 2 yr. old. It was challenging, but I was able to pull good grades and still “be there” for my kids. I had plenty of support from DH and my mom, so the kids were never lacking in attention.

Then I had a third baby and that was the end of it. I tried going back to school and it was IMPOSSIBLE. My oldest started having problems in school, the baby would cry whenever I’d study…my grades were crashing. I finally decided when that semester was over that I had to give it a break and focus on my kids because my schooling was harming them.

So here I am, four years later with FOUR kids, two years of Nursing school left and not a clue when I’ll finish.

But it doesn’t matter because I have four cuties to keep me occupied. School will get done someday.

My advice would be to try to get it done before having kids, unless your getting up there in age. Don’t put childbearing off and risk infertility just to get that career going. But if your still in your 20’s, get it out of the way first. You’ll be glad you did when you have that cute little baby crawling around. The last thing you’ll want to do then is STUDY. :eek:


#4

I agree. I have enough trouble trying to balance studying with spending quality time with my husband and taking care of a house and pets. I can’t imagine adding a baby to the mix. I know all of my good study intentions would go right out the window.


#5

did all 3 most of the time, work, take a few courses, have a baby, repeat the cycle. Work, almost all the time, at least PT, because DH was also finishing school. took me 10 yrs to complete BA, pregnant, nursing, chasing toddlers, or fostering all during that time, tried law school when the youngest went to kindergarten, but hated it. got MA when they were in Jr-Sr high school, by that time was working FT, went back to PT as internship in my field, also TA so had equivalent of FT income & hours. Yes, it can be done, there is probably a much easier way, like get your degree, then get married and have kids. You can do whatever you have to do, but get in the habit of putting pressure on yourself, not responding to pressure from outsiders.

You and fiance or spouse first have to have a serious talk and make decisions about your life together: what are your goals (no. 1 should be helping each other reach sainthood, if it isn’t you need to prioritize better). how are you going to meet the goal. The Foccus instrument used in many marriage prep classes is excellent to spur this discussion. the issue of pressure about job, school, kids, stay at home vs work, homeschool etc. should be resolved before you get married. So should the issue of what kind of income and lifestyle do you want and need.


#6

I don’t know if you want to hear from me (I don’t work or go to school) but you can take or leave my opinions. Hopefully I can be a little bit helpful.


I am a mommy. My baby girl is almost 9 months old. I can’t imagine being anything other than a stay at home mommy. Babies are absolutely awe inspiring. I miss her when I go take a shower, lol.


** I don’t want to miss anything. Everyday is full of changes and surprises. It may be selfish of me, but I want to (need to?) be there for all of her “firsts”. Even when she is focused on a toy or something, I love seeing her big smile when she turns around and sees that I’m still there.**

And baies are A LOT of work. It is hard enough to find time to be a decent wife right now. I can’t imagine having the added responsibilty of school or work. I know I couldn’t do it all. Or at least do it all well.

I am comfortable in the fact that I beleive that God has called me to the vocation of marriage/motherhood and am content giving myself over to it fully. I don’t need anything else.

**Spend some time in prayer really trying to discern what you want out of life and if that is compatible with God’s will. Then see if it is compatible with what your fiance wants. **


I don’t know how old you are, but maybe you just need more time to develop yourself? I know that in my early 20’s I could never have imagined my life being what it is today. But now it is a perfect fit.


I pray that you find the solution that best serves God (which will best serve yourself, your fiance and your future children). Be open to His will. And be flexible. Good luck!


Oh, and for the record, I would suggest putting off the wedding until you and your fiance know exactly what you want out of maried life and what you individually want to achieve. So, no specific time…but that’s the best I can do.


Malia


#7

Well, I am married, and my husband and I are both still working on our bachelor’s degrees, he works full time, I work part time, and we’re having a baby in June–so it can be done. If school is a top priority for you, I would consider that, as it isn’t so much for me and I plan to take a semester or two off after the baby is born. I am focused on finishing, but probably not within the standard time frame. My husband does most of his classes online, which is extremely convenient and makes it less of a strain to work and be in school.

It seems that being married to you is strongly desired, so I wouldn’t put it at the bottom of the priority list. Your original date seems to me that it would allow you both to graduate with a bachelor’s before having a child, and at that point you could explore different options for balancing a master’s degree and your family, and work if you decide to work as well.

Perhaps you could begin pre cana, keeping in mind an open-ended wedding date, and then be able to have more flexibility once you have finished the required six months’ preparation? That way, you could always move the date up if it became obvious that you wanted more time?


#8

Pray.

I worked full-time both during completion of a BS (10 years after completing an Associate Degree). DS was a toddler when I started. 10 years later, while still working full-time I went to graduate school full-time (which included clincial hours) with 2 living children (now 15 & 7). I was (and am) involved in activities with the children and the community. I am blessed to have a very supportive husband. I also have friends, faculty, and a couple dear priests who gently and not so gently correct me when I get my priorities out of order.

It is possible to manage family, school, work, and spiritual life, but it is very easy to become distracted from what is truly important. I think the decision requires discerning whose will you are following in your pursuits. This discernment isn’t a one-time process. I found it essential to pray that I continue to choose the correct path in this life - although sometimes it took those dear people who didn’t hesitate to let me know I was heading in the wrong direction to remind me!!


#9

Lots of interesting posts and what I thought they would be…it does appear that adding children to the mix knocks school out of the way.

But I do have some good news. I found out from my admissions counselor that the school I am considering offers trimester courses for advanced students (which I qualify for). If I take these accelerated courses, I can finish all but one semester before getting married if I move the date to July. So I will only have one semester left, and that one can be a trimester as well, which means I can finish my undergrad completely before a baby comes.

I talked to my DF about it and he mentioned also that July 2008 is World Youth Day. So we are going to save to go there for our honeymoon. I think the date has been officially set!

:slight_smile:


#10

Congratulations!!! What a wonderful place and event to go to for your honeymoon:thumbsup: I look forward to reading about all of your wedding plans etc.

Malia


#11

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