“scruple – a doubt or hesitation that troubles the conscience or that comes from the difficulty of determining whether something is right” - (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scruples)
**can you have scruples about the whole of Catholicism?
I was brought up Catholic. Loved Catholicism, wanted to be a saint Till…my husband and I started a family. I had terrible postpardum depression that basically never went away. I suppose I must’ve always been bipolar, but now it was really showing itself. I am now diagnosed bipolar and severly depressed, though I am on medication and doing really well now! yay! So I very recently began to think of coming back to the church. But the past few days my mind has been tortured. I tell myself, well, it could be the devil, definitely not wanting me to come back to the church. OR it could be because my mind has opened over the years (is that good or bad? hmmm), and now I get panicky about closing up again. I KNOW, that is probably insulting. I dont mean it that way. I know a lot of Catholics that have very open minds. But this is the feeling I get in my gut. I really miss being a practicing Catholic. But my mind is so tortured right now. I imagine this has something to do with my personality which is very much all or nothing, black or white. I’m either Catholic…or I’m not. I don’t like hanging in the middle. So, I think I need to relax, breathe, pray…
Ok, I’ve rambled on enough. Not sure what I am looking for here, but even just a prayer would be wonderful!
Thanks for listening <3