Please pray for me; scrupulosity is RUINING my life
I don’t seem to have the usual kind of “what if I’m not praying this prayer perfectly enough”, “what if my confession wasn’t valid” kind of scruples; mine is more of the “how can I be certain that I can act on my Confessor’s instructions? What if he doesn’t understand my situation? Should I still act on it?” and I go into the deepest detail like “what if there is actually some meat in this Fish & Chips? I should ask the waitress to check with the chief. No, wait, I should check with the Chef myself. Wait what if the chefs are lying? Maybe I shouldn’t eat it.” (Assuming the day was a Friday when Catholics can’t eat meat)
I don’t know what to do, I feel that by acting against these scruples I’m acting on a doubtful conscience which means I sin. It’s driving me insane. I just want a normal thinking pattern like everybody else. It’s depriving me of energy, of happiness, of time spent on my school work, of enjoyment, of fruitful relationships. EVERYTHING is going to shambles because of this scrupulosity which is constantly plaguing my mind. I’m pretty sure I’m in mortal sin now as well because I decided to act against my scruples some times despite having some doubt still.