Second hand smoke abuse

Hello friends: My 86 year old mother is very weak with COPD and is on oxygen periodically. The problem is my 58 year old brother lives with her and smokes in the house causing her great distress. I have confronted him in a gentlemanly way with the harms of second hand smoke yet after years he continues with his addictive abuse. My mom cant really defend herself, she just wants peace among children. She becomes irritated when I tell her what he is doing to her and I dont like to see her agitated. However, mu conscience will not allow me to be quiet when I hear her struggle to get a breath and is always hacking and wheezing. When he is out f the house (which is very infrequent, he rarely works) her mind and lungs clear up and she becomes much more healthy.

She does not wish for him to leave. It is a very codependent relationship. Any thoughts/


You haven’t given much information about the material cicumstances. For instance, is the house well ventilated? Do they have air conditioning? Or do they live in a place where the climate allows them to leave all the windows open?

Tell him to smoke outside.


Get her doctor to tell her to her face that it is harming her. At her age, she may be more willing to listen to the “authority” of her doctor.

Your brother, is slowly killing your mother, it doesn’t matter how old she is, or if she wants peace. He is wrong, and needs to go smoke outside.


Exactly my thoughts, Irishmom… I have tried to reason with him, show him literature on the ill effects of shs when it became apparent he had little intention to change. i challenged him on the morality of it all. I asked him if his conscience bothers him knowing he is slowly killing her. Typical of most addicts in denial it went in one ear and out the other. I did talk to her doc and it was suggested my other siblings and he come for her next appointment where the doc would lay things down. My sis is frightened of alienating her mother. That is really the dilemma. We wish no undo stress on dear mom but don’t want the physical discomfort the smoker brings. I have thought about threatening to expose him on social media.

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