Seeing Your Soul As God Sees It


#1

Over the years on my journey with God I’ve often asked Him to “show me my sin,” ALL of my sins so that I may cast them aside. I remember a friend telling me that if God did this we wouldn’t be able to handle it**—**that is God revealing every single possible thing about us which displeases Him. I kind of rolled my eyes at that, thinking “oh I can handle it, just let Him tell me and I will fix myself.”

Dear Lord was I wrong! Lately (I’ve been asking Him again to show me, about 3-4 months ago) so many “little sins” within me are coming to mind, sins of envy I didn’t think I had, arrogance and pride within daily conversations, not trusting Him, over eating, selfishness, feeling like He singles me out, showering His love on others and ignoring me, thinking He sometimes hates me because of my nature, and even sins I truly know are wrong and am concsious about (like masterbation and lust), when I commit them recently they hurt, oh they hurt ever so badly, immensely that it’s difficult to breathe, so difficult to breathe. My eyes are teary as I’m typing this in fact.

It’s almost like God is showing me how He sees my soul, and it’s FULL of vile and darkness, much of which I didn’t think I had, or at least wasn’t so bad off, but now that I can see it, it’s wounded me severely. I just want to remain on my knees before Him telling Him I’m sorry over and over.

Please pray that He will heal my spirit, lead me to Confession, and help my path onward toward Him.

I never thought it would hurt this bad. :’(

P.S. Today at Mass when the Priest was giving us a blessing by casting that “tool” which throws water at the people, I thought “it’s going to miss me, it does every time, probably because I’m of little worth if any to God,” and BOOM I got a face full of water. I guess my Lord God, my Spiritual Husband shut me up :o


#2

It is a blessing from God that you are seeing more of who you really are and were. It is sadden because you know you hurt him but you should be joyful to have this self-knowledge. God will continue to let you know even more about yourself if you are continuing to ask God for forgiveness and yearn to ask Him change you.

I think that It is very important to recognize both things:
1 - we are His children and He loves us very much despite our sins, imperfection and weaknesses.
2- we are sinners - and if we see exactly how He sees us regarding our sins, we will probably feel tremendously horrible about how we crucify Him.

I think that what you are going through will help you grow closer to Him.

God bless.


#3

I too have asked Jesus that I be made aware of my sins that I don’t normally notice.

An expierence from this week: I have been blest with joy and peace in my soul for many weeks now. Last week it just disappeared. Straight out gone. I was really frightened. I could not for the life of me figure out what I had done to displease Jesus so much. I was sure I was going to die from the grief in my soul. I kept asking Him for the reasons that He left and took all the joy out of my soul. It was dead quiet in my soul, until I began thinking of my recent actions. I found myself thinking of my ingratitude, my sometimes holier than thou attitude and my lack of trust in Him. I did not see these by myself, He gave me that opportunity. After I went to confession and prayed, peace came back to me. Not the joy. I am still looking, through prayer and contemplation for what else I do to make Him suffer. Today I felt the Holy Spirit move through me 2 times. This is when I find myself smiling and joy fills me up. No special reason, it just happens. I treasure these times and therefore it is worth going through the agony of seeing my sins in detail. I hope this helps.

Swimming in the Ocean of Mercy and don’t care if I drown!


#4

Ask God for the graces you need whenever you notice a sin you didn’t know you had. Give Him all of your misery and trust in Him. You must rely on Him.


#5

Right there with you brother, :slight_smile:

Thanks for the encouragement, and God bless.


#6

“Wash out my hidden faults
And from pride preserve your servant,
never let it dominate me
So shall I be above reproach, free from grave sin.” [Psalm 19:12-13]


#7

Now that you see your sins more clearly, make sure to trust in God’s mercy which is greater than your sins, and not fall into despair. Go to confession trusting in His mercy as much as you can :slight_smile: Jesus to St Faustina that trust is the vessel by which we receive graces.


#8

Also realize that if you ignore the graces, they will be withdrawn and given to someone else! St Faustina was told this by Jesus. The graces we recieve strengthen us for the battles we endure daily. Jesus gives His Mercy freely and generously to all that ask. If you do not use them for the greater of God’s Glory, they will disappear. I have had this happen!

God Bless!


#9

:blessyou::console::crossrc:


#10

I have done this, too. Kind of asked, but then put my hands over my face and kind of peeked out between my fingers. But gradually, I am seeing things.

And as I see them, I take them to confession. Sometimes inwardly kicking and screaming, but I take them.

A recent experience. Years ago, when I returned to the church, I confessed my heap of mortal sins. I have no doubt they were forgiven. But as the years passed, I came to the realization that behind most of those sins was a lack of trust in God. That hurt to realize and made me sad. But I never knew exactly what to do with it.

So this weekend, I’m taking my kids to confession. I had been a few weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure I was going to go again - I aim for every 6 weeks or so. My halo hadn’t gotten that scuffed up. But as the week went on, every reflection or scripture reading that I picked up had something about mercy, forgiveness, humility, sins, etc. I figured that was God leading me. Still wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but then I realized - again I think God’s intervention - that the lack of trust had never been confessed. That was something that had bothered me for a long time and has recently been brought up again at a Bible Study we are doing. That, and the lack of obedience to authority that was part of my younger life. I get it now that the Church has authority, but I fought it for many years. Suddenly I felt a lot of remorse and sorrow for these 2 things.

When I confessed the lack of trust and said that I’d never known exactly what to do with it, Father looks up and says “well, this is a good place to bring it.” Seems so obvious. Why did it take me so long?

So, The Catholic, DO take these things to confession. Pile them up on the floor and leave them there! Next time you go, there will probably be some more to pile up on the floor and leave there. But as you go, you conform yourself to be more like Christ and little by little you make progress on your spiritual journey.

At the beginning of Lent, Father told us that there was something in our lives that God deeply desired to heal us of or free us from during Lent - if we would cooperate. I think I might have found what it was for me. It sounds like you have found what it is for you, too.

Prayers.


#11

What a wonderful thing! Pardon me for seeming to have the wrong idea, but it really is a great grace to have God show you all that. If we only knew how much we offend god with each tiny sin, we would weep bitterly for every one.


#12

Hi, an SD once called this an “illumination of conscience”. Painful, yet something to be prayed for. Tim


#13

:yup:


#14

May God bless you! Go to Confession. You can even tell the priest that you prayed for the Lord to show you all of your sins.

I’m also very sensitive to my sins, and I feel so shameful when I sin. Before Confession, pray that your Confessor will give you what you need. That often works for me. Also pray for the priest, who has such a difficult job in hearing Confessions.

Get to Confession, and then take a deep breath. By the time you leave, you will be clean and ready to begin anew!


#15

Thanks justagirl :slight_smile:

You know, I don’t really have a particular priest I normally confess too. I mean, the parish I attend, yes i’ve confessed to him before and Father White is very good, but I also go to other parishes, and there is this one a hour’s drive away and I like that preist the best, he is the kind I was always hoping to find or be led to. He really talks to you and gets into your soul and offers such good advice and kindness. So, I think I will go there again, even though it’s so far :smiley:


#16

this is really scary :eek::frowning:


#17

In the Diary of St Faustina and the Divine Mercy, she writes of this being told to her by Jesus. It is scary. I felt like I was in a big void, no sense of God close to me. Utterly and impossibly alone without His Divine Presence. Oh, what a horro I went through. I still know that there are a sin or two that I am truly sorry for. Sins that I am so ashamed of that I have never felt comfrtable with a priest to share them with. I have chosen not to repeat these sins and with His strength I haven’t re-committed. However, I know I must one day say them out loud and to be absolved from them. I have not found a priest to share this with. I am thinking of going to a parish where I do not know the priests just for confession. Still I wonder, is this appropirate?

any suggestions would help. My fear is that I won’t have time on my death bed to do it and they weigh heavily on my conscience.

God Bless!!


#18

Go. Go to a different parish. Go to a priest you don’t know. Use a screen. But GO!

Don’t worry about being comfortable. Just get it done!

A couple of years ago, I had a wart on my finger. For a long time I did’t know what it was and thought it would go away on its own. Then I realized what it was, but it wasn’t “bad enough” to do anything about. Finally it started to itch and spread and I KNEW it was time for it to go. I went to the doctor and said “get rid of it”. Yes it hurt a bit (maybe more than a bit - the shot in the finger and burning flesh smell), but I am DONE with it, and it is gone. Only a faint scar remains.

Warts on your soul are probably worse than a wart on your finger.

GO - see that divine physician.


#19

I love the example. Yes it is a wart and it does fester. It causes great pain and is easily removed. I truly believe if one does not clear their soul before death and knew well enough ahead of time, it’s one’s own fault. Not God’s.I am sure that satan has taken my shame and has used it against me. There should be no thought of not confessing, for there are other priests available. Thanks for the support, I needed to hear that. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I need all the help I can get.

Sinner forever, Lover of God! May the Divine Mercy ease my soul and bring it the relief and consolations that my soul desires!


#20

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