Awkward question. I know there is no hard and fast rule over how involved grandparents should be in their grandkids lives, nor should there be because every family is different. My own scenario is worrying me however, from a Catholic point of view, and I don't know if I'm handling things as I should.
Here's the history: strained relationship with in-laws in the past, (who live 10 mins away) lots of boundary crossing by them as regards my husband when we first married, they saw him as a free farm hand, even though he was struggling with his own business at the time - it was a take-take situation for ages, though that has eased off now.
Next, along come my 2 kids. Not having had any experience of in-laws or kiddies before, I admit I was over-protective at first and very much kept the in-laws at arm's length, also because of my general dislike for their money-obsessed lifestyle.
Then, I re-converted to my faith, re-established good relations with them, apologised for any hurt I had possibly ever caused in the past - even though there was never an all-out row. But boundary issues with the kids are still there and I'm having a hard time handling them charitably and then I feel guilty for all the feelings that well up in me when they do something to annoy me.
Example - as I said they live 10 mins away, I visit their home every 2nd week, granny comes here every other week, so they see our kids once a week, very spontaneously arranged. Grandad doesn't visit our home, he instead comes knocking at the window, says to my 4 yr old son, "do you want to come back to our house?" Sociable 4 yr old son says yes, gets airlifted out of window. I get "see you later" from Grandad, no time of when they're coming back, where they're going, nothing. My blood boils.
Then my faith kicks in, and I think, maybe I should be letting them over there more often, maybe they're lonely, maybe I shouldn't have all these resentful feelings, etc, etc. The other issue is, we never require babysitters because we have no money to go out anywhere, I'm a stay at home mom, my hubbie is a part-time farmer so we're broke and very much confined to house/garden activities that are free. As regards my parents, they live a bit further away, and see us maybe every 2 weeks. Charitable advice welcome.