[quote="dulcissima, post:5, topic:180442"]
That is really excessive. Your mom probably really does need therapy. Has she considered that?
I definitely think she needs it, I think she's needed it for years but she doesn't have the money and that's a whole other drama. Whenever I talk to hear I usually hear about her money problems and how she can't afford this or that and I can't handle it. It's too much stress put on me for a situation I did not help her get into and that I cannot change.
[quote="flyingfish, post:6, topic:180442"]
I'm not a mother... but have you thought of calling your mom so that she doesn't feel like if she doesn't call she'll never hear from you? Maybe call her twice a week, take the initiative in telling her some stuff about you, even if it's boring stuff like you went for a run, tell her you love her.
Maybe she just needs that reassurance?
That's the thing, I do call her. I used to call her just to say hi but now that's it's gotten to be too much I've tried to stop. A few days ago I was trying to subtly drop a hint after we ended our conversation in the morning. She told me that she had to go and she would call me later that night and I told her it was oskay, she didn't need to, she calls me enough but she said (jokingly, I hope) that she can't wait until the next time she calls me.
[quote="baltobetsy, post:7, topic:180442"]
Hi. I'm a mom.
I think you need to realize that you cannot change this situation all at once. For starters, how about agreeing to one phone call per day when you talk to your mom without putting her off. Decide on a time and stick to it. Maybe once in a while you could do the calling. If she calls you during the day at another time, text back and say something like, "Hi, Mom! I'm fine and I'll talk to you at seven. Bye!" When you don't put her off indefinitely, but only until the agreed time, she won't feel like you're avoiding her.
When this has worked for a while, then you can try stretching the interval by a day. "Hey, Mom, I'm going to be tied up all day tomorrow. How about if I call you the day after?" And then be sure you really call.
It wouldn't be so bad if 1. she didn't freak out if I didn't pick up my phone. 2. She actually had something to tell me, rather than just hi and listing complaints. 3. She wouldn't get offended when I told her that she's calling me too much. She thinks that I am a bad person now and I have no concept of family because I think it's too excessive that she wants to talk to me like every 12 hours. She gets offended so quickly that I can never say anything opposite her viewpoint without a guilt trip.
[quote="dixieagle, post:8, topic:180442"]
It is indeed time that you - calmly and respectfully - explain to your mother that you are an adult, your class schedule is demanding, and it is simply impossible for you to be available to talk on her schedule. I would suggest you set up a time when you will call her - perhaps every 2-3 days. And, then STICK TO IT!
This all sounds well and good, of course, but it likely won't go smoothly, as it sounds as if your mom has too much time on her hands, and serious separation issues - not to mention difficulty respecting boundaries.
But, she can only intrude excessively like this if you let her...so don't. It sounds as if you are an intelligent and mature young woman, and this is a tough one, but the ball is definitely in your court. God bless, and good luck with this.
The annoying part is that I had talked to my dad about it a few days ago and he agreed with me but tonight she roped him in and he was mad at me for telling my mother this. I wish he would just be a man and stand up to her for once. (They're divorced btw)
[quote="milkbar, post:9, topic:180442"]
I'm not much older than you, but as an overly-anxious young mother of young children, I have to say I'm identifying more with your mother here. Not that the level of her need for communication is healthy, but I can absolutely see and feel where she's coming from.
She likely needs a little therapy and a hobby or three. She needs to get out and get busy and lead a full life.
Are you far away from her? Consider the time of year. Are you going to see her for Christmas? Family holidays like this have a way of accentuating loneliness.
Be sympathetic, compassionate, and gentle with her, whatever you decide to do. You are her heart.
I suggest digging out old photos and giving her new sets of prints and scrapbooking supplies for Christmas, along with a list of local scrapbooking groups.
edited to add:
A quote I read years and years ago never really hit home for me until I had a child of my own. I think it applies here:
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone
I'm only 5 hours away by car from her and I was there for Thanksgiving and I'm coming for Christmas. She has also been up to visit me a few times since August. It's not like I drop off the face of the earth and she doesn't know what's going on. She always knows what I'm up to. I think the problem is that she has nothing to do and she's depressed, etc because she's going bankrupt and losing the house and all this stuff but it's not my fault. Whenever I go home I stay with her and I have to deal with her crying and saying her life isn't worth anything because she can't afford health insurance and she hates the job she has. I can't emotionally handle these episodes anymore that part of me just doesn't want to go home. Up where I am I have my apartment and no one bothers me. I understand that it's important to be there for your family but it's emotionally draining and really dysfunctional.
Sorry for the rant btw lol there's just so much with her.