Seeking some guidance


#1

My wife is Mormon. We had a fight the night before Easter when I expressed my desire to go to Mass. (I've become a Christmas/Easter Mass attender :( This, of course started a huge fight being that I told her after coming home from visiting an open house at the Temple. She expressed her desire to be sealed for time and eternity. I explained the Catholic belief in marriage and family. I tried to remain charitable when trying to explain the Catholic view on the different subjects that came up. The argument started. I explained that after going through the discussions with missionaries, I felt my faith had been strengthened but to the Catholic faith. (probably not a great idea) A lot more was said, but it would take to long to go over. Long story short, she said if there is no hope for us, we should just get a divorce. Is that the case. Should we just end our marriage?

We have 2 children, 8 and 6 and she is now pregnant. I love her very much and do not want to end our marriage. I came to the realization a while ago that I am living in sin. I haven't been able to take communion in 9 years and I feel lost, in pain and haven't felt peace in my soul.


#2

After our fight, I know my wife would be opposed to getting a dispensation for our marriage. Can I get a Radical Sanation (sp?) granted without her knowing? She said she would go through the discussions with me to help me but refused to go to RCIA when I offered.

I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me, grant me the courage and the strength to do what I must.


#3

Forgive my Mormon ignorance…

But what does “sealed for time and eternity” mean?

Long story short, she said if there is no hope for us, we should just get a divorce.

Is being “sealed for time and eternity” her “hope” that you’re referring to? Or is there any peace in remaining married despite the religion difference?

Thanks for explaining…


#4

Her hope is that I would convert so our family could be sealed in the temple.


#5

Her hope is for me to convert so our family could be sealed in the temple.

Despite the religious difference, we do have a wonderful relationship as we love each other and our children immensely. The problem arises whenever a religious discussion comes up.


#6

This is a tough one so take my advice with a grain of salt. I would go see a priest at a prudent time and get some better guidance. God is calling you to your faith and that is what is most important. That does not mean that you do not want peace with your wife and your children who are of much concern now. I would slowly make your way back into the church while treating your wife with even more respect. Eventually you are going to have to be tottaly honest with her about your love for the Jesus and the Church and hopefully she accepts this as you being you. I hope you both can work through this, I will pray for you my brother. God Bless!


#7

I agree with LittleFlower... is there any way you can make religion a non-topic? Possibly consider marriage counseling to strengthen the root of your marriage?
Do not abandon this call back to your faith, though... just keep it tempered with the prudence necessary to keep your marriage and children united.


#8

post is confusing,
is OP Catholic?
I was under the impression only a marriage between two Mormons can be sealed in that temple ceremony.


#9

I'm sorry you've got this going on. I'll keep you in my prayers.

My husband is Protestant and we are so blessed not to have "issues" w/ our faiths.

We pray together every morning and bless his heart, he recites the Hail Mary, Fatima Prayer and Glory Be right along w/ me.

Blessings for you & your wife


#10

I do try to keep religion off topic and rarely add input when my wife and her family are talking. But, I worry because it seems it will always be in the back of my mind. I participate as much as I can when we have Family Home Evenings, but it can get difficult because I can only offer my Catholic perspective. I certainly will not ignore the call to come home though.
I hope I didn't paint a negative picture of my marriage. My wife is a wonderful person and our relationship is great and we have quirky but awesome children.

Thank you for your comments and prayers.


#11

[quote="puzzleannie, post:8, topic:239892"]
post is confusing,
is OP Catholic?
I was under the impression only a marriage between two Mormons can be sealed in that temple ceremony.

[/quote]

I am Catholic, and that is correct, only Mormons can be sealed. That is my wife's wish, but I would have to convert for that to happen.


#12

[quote="Z_Ninja, post:11, topic:239892"]
I am Catholic, and that is correct, only Mormons can be sealed. That is my wife's wish, but I would have to convert for that to happen.

[/quote]

From what I understand, only a husband can seal his wife, yes? And in practice, many Mormon men wait till he and his wife are old before doing so, so that he can hold it over her head and make her behave herself (for lack of a better term).

Sounds like you didn't do a lot of due diligence before you got married. This is why mixed marriages are so difficult, I think. I would never consider marrying outside of my faith. Too many problems.

But, that said, I would be remiss if I didn't offer you something positive to do. The ideal goal would be for her to convert to Catholicism. To do that, she's going to need a lot of God's grace. You can play a part in the process. How? By lots of prayer, penance, and sacrifice, all offered up for the conversion of your wife.


#13

Perhaps this is too simplistic (the answer sometimes is), but why can't you each attend your own Church. This would solve the problem of attending to your Faith.

More complicated are the children... perhaps they could be exposed to both Churches until they reach an age where they can decide for themselves. As they mature, they will be drawn to the Catholic Faith.

I can only assume your wife would not give her blessings on your children receiving the sacraments of Baptism, Eucharist, Reconciliation and eventually Confirmation & Marriage so they may have to wait and decide as teenagers/young adults.

Teach your children the Catholic Faith which will only strengthen **your own **and maybe your wife will have her heart and eyes opened as well.

In the long term, your children will receive the Sacraments under their own accord, and you may not have to throw your marriage away!

Good luck!


#14

Scoobyshme,
I'm not sure about how sealing works. I do accept responsibility for putting myself through this and realize the great difficulty in a mixed marriage. I think, in my arrogance, I figured everything would work out and we'd live happily ever after, but there is indeed hard work to make any marriage work.
I have been praying, and right now trying to decide what parish to join. I haven't joined since moving as we used to live in Florida. I offer myself to the will of God and hope for my wife to be prompted by the Holy Spirit to lead her home.


#15

I have told her that I would be going to Mass and she was not completely opposed to it. She is, however, opposed to our children receiving the sacraments. As of now, only my first child is baptized. I've expressed my desire for all my children to be baptized but this was one of the points of the argument.


#16

[quote="Z_Ninja, post:2, topic:239892"]
After our fight, I know my wife would be opposed to getting a dispensation for our marriage. Can I get a Radical Sanation (sp?) granted without her knowing? She said she would go through the discussions with me to help me but refused to go to RCIA when I offered.

I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me, grant me the courage and the strength to do what I must.

[/quote]

THIS IS SO HARD!!! I completely understand your situation. I am Catholic married to someone who is (in most every way) anti-Catholic. I pray for his conversion! And I pray for your wife's. So much of your post rang true to me. My husband and I are CRAAAAAAZY about each other! Religion was discussed much more when we were dating than it is now. His mother told him not to marry a Catholic, but he couldn't resist me (lol!). Anyway, we now have 3 kids and have been married for almost 7 years. It seems to get harder, as far as religion goes, the older our kids get. Yes, he agreed to raise them Catholic, but now that our oldest is 4 and curious about God, etc., I think he's rethinking that decision. For example, my son told me he gets scared sometimes in his room at night so I told him to say a "Hail Mary" and the Blessed Mother would protect him. If my husband knows that I taught our son this, he won't be too happy! Although,the hope I cling to is that my husband will fall in live with Our Lady. He has way more respect for Her than most other non-Catholics (but he doesnt believe She has any power) so I ask Her to help soften his heart to Catholicism. Perhaps that's what you should do. Ask Our Lady to help soften your wife to Catholicism. It's so hard, especially when, outside of your faiths, you're crazy in love and don't really have any issues. It will all work out! Just take it one day at a time and stay faithful. I read once in the Pieta book in The Way Of The Cross--"O, Jesus, may no human tie, however dear, keep me from following the road of The Cross.". Easier said than done, I know, but I promise you that God doesn't want good holy families to break up. Hang in there! I will pray for you!


#17

For example, my son told me he gets scared sometimes in his room at night so I told him to say a “Hail Mary” and the Blessed Mother would protect him. If my husband knows that I taught our son this, he won’t be too happy!

How about “Jesus, help me” when he gets scared.

:gopray2:


#18

OK, I think you will need to speak to your priest about radical sanitation so that you can receive Sacraments - as far as the children go - you may have to wait until age of reason and let them decide since your marriage was not Sacramental and you did not enter into it with an agreement that you would be raising the children Catholic this may have to be their choice. This is going to take much prayer, penance, and sacrifice.


#19

[quote="cradlecatholic5, post:17, topic:239892"]
How about "Jesus, help me" when he gets scared.

:gopray2:

[/quote]

Well, of course I understand that that would certainly be a valid and good response to my son when he says he gets scared. The problem is that when he first told me, my first response was to tell him to pray a "Hail Mary" (which he does know by heart). And since I told him that, he won't forget it and mentions it almost everyday. So even if I go back and tell him to try something else, knowing him, he will still mention using that prayer for protection as well. I'll try to get him to do that instead. I absolutely hate having to walk on eggshells about this HUGE portion of my life. It does make relationships more difficult when there is very little common ground on this subject...
My mother-in-law (who is EXTEMEMLY anti-catholic) keeps telling me about a certain bible verse she recites when she's afraid. Any time I mention my son and his issues, she tell me to do this and also tells me that if it doesn't work, it's my fault. I really don't think anyone is to "blame" when prayers are unanswered. God has a reason for everything He does or doesn't do. Maybe allowing one to be afraid strengthens something inside. Maybe it teaches us about ourselves or it's God way of seeing if we will give up on Him or buckle down and pray harder. How do you explain this to a four year old? Am I really supposed to tell him that the reason he still has bad dreams is because he isn't praying right? Who's prayers are more pure than that of a young child? Sorry, just venting....


#20

Praying before bed does help with bad dreams but not always. It's always better than to watch a show about monsters or something over stimulating. I always tell my little daughter to clear her mind as well as saying prayers.


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