Seeking Women's Advice About Lust and Temptation


#1

Lately I’ve really been struggling to stay pure. I keep getting lustful scenes and thoughts popping into my head and the worst part is that I don’t always want to stop them. I keep thinking about sleeping with my boyfriend even though I know it’s not the right thing to do. I feel weird because I feel like I should be the one trying to stop my boyfriend’s advances not me thinking about seducing him! The girl is supposed to be the pure one. It makes me feel like I’m a freak or something. I always see men posting on this board about their struggle with purity but I don’t see many women saying anything.

While you are in a relationship, how do you stay chaste when you keep thinking about being intimate with your partner? Also, when you’re single, how do you stop from thinking about being with a man or fantasizing?

Any advice?


#2

No, the girl is not supposed to be the pure one. The girl AND THE BOY are supposed to be the pure ones. If it were easy to be chaste you wouldn’t see so many posts about it and… I am so happy there is a girl out there willing to post because yes, girls can lust and lust as intensely as boys. In fact LOTS of girls do. In fact, MOST girls do… if they are normal and healthy. Female Saints tempted to be unchaste? St. Teresa of Avila and St. Elizabeth Ann Seton for starters. So you are not a freak.

How do you fight it? Go outside, call a girlfriend, go shopping, go somewhere. Late at night? Cook, watch a captivating show on TV (not romantic!). Again, call a friend (female). Better, invite a girlfriend over and eat popcorn together! Pray (but sometimes the temptations intrude there). Read holy books. But I still think getting into a public place or getting in touch with a girlfriend or two or three (texting wildly) is best. But, don’t beat yourself up for having thoughts. They come and go. Just treat them as annoying and move on…


#3

*Women can have similiar thoughts, feelings and urges. It’s not “abnormal” to feel that way, but ask Christ to strengthen you during those times. Like Bailey said–men and women should strive to be pure…not just women. That is a double standard that our secular society, for whatever the reason, conjured up a long time ago. Men are supposed to be ‘sowing their oats before marriage,’’’ and women are supposed to be angelic and virginal. No, BOTH men and women need to strive for purity. The modern world has fed men lies that in order to be manly, they need to be having sex prior to marriage…A LIE. And if women want men to love them, they need to have sex before marriage…ANOTHER LIE. I will say that on occasion, I have a fleeting impure thought…and I confess these fleeting thoughts every time one pops up, during Confession. That actually does wonders.

I had a priest once tell me that concentrating on thoughts that pop into our minds, is where the danger comes in. Over time, if you keep seeking Christ during these moments, those thoughts will become less and less.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, the devil likes to tempt us, and then watch us beat ourselves up, when we’re trying to heal. Don’t let him! I will pray for those types of thoughts to dissipate out of your mind, and that you and your bf will remain pure. God bless. *


#4

Totally normal! When you're tempted, say a prayer to your and your bf's guardian angels. Pray specifically to Mary before your dates, and ask her to cover you with her mantle, ask her to help keep you chaste.

Something Satan wants is to separate in our minds the pleasures of the moment from the consequences. Think: how would you feel the next morning? Disappointed in yourself, ashamed that you have now put this dear man's soul in real danger, knowing how much easier it will be to commit mortal sin the next time, and the next...etc. Pray before the blessed Sacrament. Also avoid putting yourself in situations where you're able to tempt him easier.

You sound like a sweet lady and hopefully your boyfriend realizes the treasure he has in you! ;)

God bless!

editing to add: also, think about how you'll feel if you don't sin----you'll be able to make clearer decisions, strong, your bf will respect you more, and you'll have GRACE! And not to mention the gift you'll make on your wedding night (God willing).
Blessings!:)


#5

You’re not a freak, you’re a healthy woman with a healthy sex drive. I am the same way, and it is always very strange to me when women talk about sex as something their husbands want and they reluctantly give.

Consider yourself lucky I’d say.

Keep in mind also that a lot of female posters on this board are older and some have many children, that has to affect anyone’s sex drive in a negative way. For us younger women without children the experience is different.


#6

Thank you all for your responses and advice!

I just recently started meeting other Catholic girls so I’m not that close in a friendship yet to ask them if they struggle with this too, so this is the only place I could ask!

I definitely need to pray and ask for help when these thoughts pop in but when it happens it sounds good and I’m like ugh I don’t want to pray. You guys are right about how I would feel the next morning, I would be so disappointed in myself!

I guess I have to be chaste myself before I can pray for chastity in my relationship!


#7

Be gentle with yourself too. These thoughts pop into your head all the time without you calling them forth. It’s just a part of being a human being, we cannot be in full control of our thoughts. I would say that if you’re not actively seeking out pornography to stimulate these thoughts you’re fine.


#8

I just want to say, that you are soo not alone! I know exactly how you feel. The posters before me have posted fabulous advice. I have actually used a lot of the techniques they have mentioned and trust me it helps!

The very fact that you want to overcome these temptations is very pleasing to our Lord :thumbsup:. Keep seeking Him for He overcomes all evil. You’re doing great!

Love & prayers coming your way :wink:


#9

You most definitely are not a freak by any means! My fiance and I are both in our mid 20’s and have been together for 5 years, talk about being tough to remain chaste!

I struggle with the feelings at times too, and when I do, I see how it must be like for guys many of the times. I think females tend to not have the feelings as often, but when we do, it is tough.

You’ve got some good advice so far. Get some exercise, go to Adoration, pray, anything to keep your mind and body active.


#10

I know how you feel! To put it delicately, I have a very high libido. Before I became a revert, I would wear the men I was dating out. It was sign #1 that I could never be a nun, I like sex too much. The hardest part of being chaste, is that I can’t do anything about it. At least when I get married, I’ll never be the wife who doesn’t want to have sex.


#11

:hmmm:

I would strongly suspect that there are many, many women reading this thread and feeling very relieved that they’re not as alone as they thought. (Why is it so hard for women to discuss this?)


#12

[quote="TraderTif, post:11, topic:176870"]
:hmmm:

I would strongly suspect that there are many, many women reading this thread and feeling very relieved that they're not as alone as they thought. (Why is it so hard for women to discuss this?)

[/quote]

:D:D
I'm in there :thumbsup:
and I think it important that women become aware of that BEFORE the wedding : it was quite difficult for me to admit it when I realised after a few weeks of marriage that I was the one with the highest sex drive in our couple. This happened to my best friend too, and when we first came to talk about it, we both were very relieved because it saved us from the "is something wrong with me / us ?" thought.

In fact, just yesterday DH and I went to a great conference about Building a Strong Couple, that was held by an awesome priest who has been a couple consellor for decades, and we were very pleased to hear him on the subject of differences : "there always is one who is more 'physical' than the other.... and NO, unlike any cliché you may know, the carnal one is NOT the man, but the woman."

so cheers. Welcome to the club ;)


#13

Hi there
First of all the temptation of sexual sin is something that both sexes experience and something that both sexes have to fight. No gender is more pure than the other and we all have an equal responsibility before God to stay pure.
In my relationship we were both tempted and ended up having premarital sex. I meet many beautiful christian couples who managed to wait and meeting them makes me sad, jealous… I think chastity/saving it for marriage is the biggest thing you can do for yourself and your future spouse. This is your time to show each other true love and faithfulness, the love that waits. I wish I was in your shoes because you still have the choice infront of you, I wish I could have spared my husband and myself the pain that we have to live with knowing that we let each other down, that our love had a lot of selfishness and less selfsacrifice. I did not have enough love for him and he not for me. God’s will is the plan for us that will make us most happy. I wish you and your boyfriend will find the strenght to stay pure.
Sincerely A


#14

Yeah don’t feel bad…I fell into it and now am pg with fiance’s baby…not the way we wanted to start a family but you know thanks be to GOD for our baby! :smiley:

Uhm, I know it’s hard and can be difficult but if you keep yourself busy things will get better…The more you can understand the purpose of sex, “procreation” between husband and wife the better you will feel about abstaining…I know that if I had a better understanding I wouldn’t have been so eager to get drunk with him and let it go! We have been drunk together many times, what changed, most likely what you are going through…I wasn’t raised knowing a lot of things that the church teaches us and what’s expected of us from the Bible…And I didn’t even know about the Catholic Forumz if I would have believe me I wouldn’t have gotten myself into a lot of problems! LOL Now you have a chance to make things better for yourself and not let yourself fall into temptation…Know that when the time comes and you are happily married to your hubby it will be all worth it! :slight_smile:

And do what posters have suggested keep yourself and mind busy it helps!

GOD bless and good luck!


#15

This is a great thread,

I struggle with lust a lot, in all of it’s many forms. It helps to have a prayer life, but sometimes I need more then that. I feel I have uncontrolable urges that get out of hand, and have joined Catholic recovery sites for some answers.


#16

bump! I’m glad I found this thread. I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately.


#17

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. I'm ridiculously single, still a virgin and have quite a dirty mind. At least I know I'm not "weird." :blush:


#18

Women are in no way immune from lust and temptation and sexual fantasies! Who do you think reads all those flaming romance novels?


#19

Hello twin. I hear you. Perhaps the second step to recovery, after admitting that you have a problem, is accepting that you’re not weird.


#20

I didn’t know St. Elizabeth Ann Seton struggled with that temptation! I really need to find a good biography about my patron saint. :slight_smile:


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.