God Bless you, Athanasius Mary.
There are times when the weight of the world weighs us down. Our own grief and worries shackle us to our past when all we wish to do is to reach out to our Lord in prayer. In times like this, it can be nearly impossible to pray through words. It can even be detrimental to your own spirituality to force yourself into formal prayers when you cannot move your heart in concert with the words. I would suggest creating a spiritual inner room, a quiet place into which you can retreat. In this room, there is no need for words. It is a place in which you can simply be in the presence of our Lord.
Imagine a place in which you are most comfortable. It can be a chapel, a childhood bedroom, a garden, or even a forest. St. Therese of Lisieux’s was a garden filled with flowers. Mine is a small plain chapel in which the Blessed Sacrament is exposed. Imagine our Lord is physically present there. He can embrace you, comfort you, tend to your wounds. No words are needed. It is there that you can simply cry in his embrace and pour out your grief. Tell him of those things which weighs you down. Bring your children into your inner room, all three of them. Play with them. Tell your eldest two that you miss them and let them comfort you. The corruption of this world have taken them from you, but Christ has taken them into his care. Where ever He is, so too are your two eldest.
Never feel like an abysmal failure. The light of faith shines brightest in the darkest of nights. Faith is not dependent upon emotions or feelings. It is strongest when it is an act of will. You choose to believe. You choose to persevere in your faith. That is something truly beautiful in this world of relativism and emphatic emotionalism.
I will offer my Divine Office for you this coming week.
Br. Ben, CRM