I have a daughter who is 24 and working and lives away from home. My son is 23 and has recently joined college for a graduate program.
My husband and I have always put our needs aside to make the lives of children as comfortable as possible in every way. They were great as kids, good grades, very loving towards family and friends, helpful at home, responsible. My daughter turned out fine. My son was actively involved in sport like basket ball and table tennis. He won lots of prizes in various competitions at school for poetry recitation, drawing, music. He got great grades at school till his final year high school. It all started in his high school. One time, his exams were around the corner and I must admit I was strict about him using the phone or taking very long breaks during his study time. His teachers and principal had high expectations of him and told me to encourage him as a parent. I was never strict about his studies except in the final year high school.
Two days before an exam, his friend invited him for a birthday party and my husband and myself told him not to go for it. My son became very upset. He screamed and yelled and a few things in the house. Shocked at his outburst, I told him, he could go. But he chose not to. From then, I stopped interfering with his studies and never stood in his way of how and when he wanted to do things. My son took this as a green signal that he could bully, yell, scream and shout, destroy things and times use abusive language to get whatever he wanted. What he didnt realize is that, we were doing everything for him, not because we were scared of him, but as parents, doing the best we could . When he was in college as an undergrad, he got worse. He would taunt, bully and cuss more often. He would walk in when my daughter or myself were watching t.v. and would demand he wants to watch T.V., which meant we get up and leave. When we were using the computer, he would tell us to get up and leave and he would keep the PC on, and would be doing other things and use the PC probably an hour later. He would ask me to serve lunch or dinner and the food would be lying on the dining table for an hour or two, as he would be busy talking to friends on his cellphone. When reminded, he would say that he will have his food whenever he wanted. He did have good friends and was not involved in drugs or alcohol. His friends were not difficult or aggressive. My daughter used to be scared of him as he used to bully her, insult her and scare her with his mannerisms, that she used to be choose to be in her room when he was around. She was relieved to be away from him when she had to leave home for college.
Now my son joined university at graduate level and he hasnt changed a bit. During his recent stay with us for one month, I was scared to talk to him, as every simple or pleasant conversation would end up in him becoming arrogant with me, blaming me for 'not letting him' do as he pleased as a young boy and put me down in everyway possible. He has forgotten how fortunate he was as a child in every way. He always talks about all the things he couldnt have or couldnt do, and never appreciates all the good things he was blessed with and everything he has or could do which many of his friends or classmates couldnot. When he joined university for his graduate course a few days ago, I rang him up and he said, he'd talk to me later as he was going for a shower. I never got any offlines or email or anything from him. He continually expect my husband and I to keep fulfilling all his needs and is absolutely mean and inconsiderate to us. Though he was mean to my daughter, she rings him up and talks to him. She sent him some money when she first got her her pay, he never bothered to thank her for it.
I have raised my son with good values and I feel terrible that things have gone so wrong. He was such a lovely child and now he's turned so ungrateful and mean. He is fine when he is with others like friends, other family members and friends. However, I have also come to know of certain incidents where my son was arrogant and rude with others in conflicting situations. I don't understand why he holds so much or anger towards us. He is arrogant, abusive, and nasty all the time with us. He doesnot mind using profane language with us even though I have told him not to. I tried to talk to him and apologised to him over the past several years to forgive me for any wrong I have done to him and encouraged him and pleaded with him to mend relations with us, after all we are a family. Its fallen on deal ears. I feel the only connection we have now is limited to him depending on us to fulfill his financial needs. Whenever he is with us, he hardly makes any conversation with us, except if its got to do with needs which we have to meet or something nice that has happened for him. He cannot take no for an answer, it upsets him terribly. My husband and I I tried to advice him how destructive his anger problem is Its no use.
Sometimes I think he feels a sense of power and feels important each time he behaves aggressive, arrogant and mean. He thinks the only way to attain things is by scaring and bullying. I don't know what to do. He has no respect for older people as he considers old(er) people as stupid. He thinks he is a know it all. I love my son and wish our relationship was peaceful and loving. I wish he would treat us with some respect and not consider us as his eternal servants. We continue to treat him with love and affection as he is our son. Please help. I feel so hurt and sad. My son's attitude and behavior has affected my health.