This forum has provided wonderful help for me before, so I thought I’d post about a long-occurring problem in my life: self-doubt, self-loathing, and low self-esteem.
Now, happily I am blessed with a strong faith in God and for the most part my identity lies as a daughter of God and proud Catholic. I have no issues there. I am also a happily married young woman with a husband who loves me unconditionally and no marital problems to speak of. I have a pretty good relationship with everyone in my family, and a few friends. A car that (knock on wood) works, a dry, warm, safe apartment. A simple, good life. I know I’m blessed.
The thing is, I’ve dealt with two very shameful problems since early adolescence: one, a disordered relationship with food and two, a strange self-harming habit of picking at my cuticles until they bleed. I believe both of my problems are related to my views about myself as inferior to others. For reference, I am not overweight- I weigh in at the low spectrum of a healthy BMI. I know this cognitively, but emotionally I berate myself for wanting/loving food, and I daily pray for the strength to overcome what I view as gluttony and an addiction to food. The cuticle thing is a nervous habit that’s triggered a bit by social anxiety and feeling uncomfortable around others. Every week I try to tell myself that I won’t pick at my cuticles- that I’ll let myself have normal looking hands/fingers for once- but every week some social encounter or anxiety about the future will have me picking.
I know this isn’t a psychological forum but I could use a few prayers or advice on how to pray about these issues. I’ve received (secular) counseling before, but am looking for a more spiritual exercise. Anyone?