Seminary and dating

This is an embarrassing topic for me. I have been considering going to seminary and I have started the process so next year I will be going to seminary if it is Gods will. However there is a problem I have never dated a girl before and I really have a desire to now. However I don’t think I should because it might turn put badly. Also i would have no idea where to start being 5"6" and 190 lbs doesn’t make mean the most fit person out there.

I just needed to vent a little bit. Any advice would be appreciated :smiley:

really ?

sounds like you have made your decision / that you want to start dating and not enter into the seminary.

It shouldn’t be well this is it I am going into the seminary and I haven’t dated yet, better go on a few dates before it is too late.

And ya mine as well get over your height an weight as women have the same concerns as well.

You are probably young enough that you cant wait a few years before going into the seminary or rather apply, if you are going to date , date seriously not just for the sake of it.


I am a lot more conflicted than that.

As for the height and weight I am not that concerned about it. That is who I am

When i was younger, I had a tendency to have a lot of anxiety. I’m not sure exactly what you meant in your response but it reminded me of that. I’m guessing you may have a lot going on internally- you may need to work through something personally. We have feelings for a reason and maybe your conflict has something more to it than seminary or the act of going on a date itself. Maybe worry over not making the perfect decision in life? Worry of what may or may not happen? Failing? Disappointing someone? Fear of emotional intimacy? I’m just throwing questions you may want to ask yourself. Hopefully you have a strong support base of people you know you may want to bounce things off too.

I think it depends on your definition of “date”?

Date, as in, ask someone who you think you might be interested in getting to know better to go with you on a mutually accepted and pleasant outing, such as to a movie and dinner or a hike at a local park? Then if it goes well, continue to build the friendship with continued contact and see if it leads to a serious relationship?

If so, why not? There’s nothing misleading (imo) about making an attempt to get to know someone else better and then seeing where it leads.

On the other hand, if by “date” you mean you want to explore having a serious romantic relationship with someone and you need to find that someone soon because of the seminary issue - then no. In my opinion that’s attempting to use someone to fill a desire you have created rather than building a normal relationship that begins with interest, may move onto friendship, then progress (or not) into romance.

In other words - if there’s someone you’ve met or meet that you’d be interested in getting to know, ask them out. If you want to meet more people but not sure how - join a group, club or sign up for an activity that interests you and see if you find someone who shares your interest. And of course, ask God for some help and guidance :slight_smile:

And for the record - it’s confidence in yourself, along with shared interests that matter a great deal more to the people worth knowing rather than whatever your physical attributes.

Thanks I think that is what I needed to hear. I was just a little a worried

I think it’s important that you share these feelings with your spiritual director, if you haven’t already.

If you’re feeling a call to start dating women, I would think that would mean you are not feeling the call to go to seminary. You can’t have both!

Be cautious of your feelings. You live in irrational times.

… and remember the Tree of Wisdom. Are you sincerely considering a bite of that apple?

  • Mc8r1de

I would highly suggest it. While you get a lot of training at the seminary to advise couples and the such, you really should have an idea of what a proper relationship with another requires; of you and them.

I’m not saying you should date simply for the experience, but yes, I would suggest that it’d be better for you if you have before.

It might be that you will one day become a priest, but maybe not as quickly as you imagined. Discernment might include dating and seeing if God calls you to another vocation. But the experience of wholesome chaste Christian dating would be a good experience for a priest, should you continue on your course.

I had four brothers in the seminary about 40 years ago. My mother said that they were sent home for the summer with a special request not to “fraternize” in any way with females and to keep the company of males only. Well, that made my mother very angry: “How are they going to be good shepherds to ALL of God’s flock if they can’t be around females?” she complained. But she let them comply with the seminary’s edict.

And now none of my brothers are priests. I don’t know if that was part of the problem but I think my mom had the right idea. The priesthood or convent is not an escape from the opposite sex. You better know the world and not be hiding from it. I do not mean “know” in the biblical sense but know something about humans.

Your discernment would benefit by dating a few nice Catholic girls, too. My sister went to her Senior Prom with a seminarian and he is now a monsignor and he is a good one. I hear he goes into bars and pulls out the married parishioners who are drinking too much, and puts them in a taxi and sends them home. He is a tough, solid man. And my sister will always treasure that she went to a prom with a Monsignor-to-be…

One priest has told me, “I was not very good in the dating and relationship department. I didn’t understand how to be close.” But he is a very good priest who is close to his parishioners. He has never looked back. He knows he wasn’t meant for marriage. He was meant for the priesthood.

I think you should try to date and see what it is like, including how difficult it can be. I strongly suggest you have a close counsel or friend or relative who will steer you correctly.

A short post, but there’s a lot in it! :coffeeread:

So, let’s break it down.

First of all, if you are discerning a vocation and going to the seminary, it’s imperative to have one spiritual director. Ultimately, I think you need to follow his/her advice, but my guess is that given your current feelings on the issue he/she may tell you to try it as part of the discernment process.

Second, regarding dating: If you do date, you’re not going to get very far in terms of decent success if you go around with this variations of “Gee, I’m not good enough”. Women may sympathize with that, but sympathy and attraction are two very different things and you may find yourself getting attention from women you are not interested in.

Third, all romantic relationships have an element of risk. Yes, you could hurt someone else’s feelings or someone could hurt your feelings. Not to be too trite on this, but the fact is that’s life. :shrug:

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

God’s margin is in your plans. You need to pray about this to Jesus with a clean heart and no matter what you do, he will surely lead you through it. :gopray2:

I also agree with previous posts discuss with your spiritual director.

Umm no I have both callings I will have to sacrifice one. And as for biting from the tree of wisdom I already have and it is painful

I don’t have a spiritual director that I can speak to unless you count my Guardian Angel but she is of the spirit not the flesh. Your right I don’t want to date if it will harm the other person that is the last thing I want. I feel my wanting to date is just some selfish desire. I don’t really understand or desire the need or want to be that close to someone. Sure at times I think it would be nice and even crave it but in the end I feel like it is just to satisfy so lustful desire that I know would end up hurting the girl and me

You really should get a spiritual director then. It seems to be a highly recommended, if not required step, for vocational discernment. I can’t imagine going through the process on my own, and it’s also extremely helpful for vocational directors to know that you have that guidance.

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