Separate beds in marriage

so the term “not sleeping in the same bed” is often used to depict a marriage that isn’t going well.

I know it’s more of an expression than anything. but of course, my brain gets thinking in weird ways.

le’ts say husband and wife have to sleep separately due to work schedules (i.e. husband works nighte, etC…), or wife snores too loudly and thrashes about. or both have separate types of illness and are sensitive to different temperatures. that sort of thing.

the church doen’st have a teaching against sleeping in separate beds or rooms, does it? again, questioning everything since I learned a lot of wrong things

the church doen’st have a teaching against sleeping in separate beds or rooms, does it?



No. Cmon.

All sorts of good reasons to have separate beds: nursing babies, odd work schedules, illness, snoring (a good reason for separate bedrooms!), and if I thought about it a bit, I could probably come up with a lot more.

The Church does not meddle in our private lives - at least not to that degree.

I imagine many marriages have been saved by sleeping in separate rooms. Marital bliss is hard to come by when one spouse is forced to live on two hours of sleep per night.

If you are sleeping, do you know what your spouse is doing? Of course not.

Why would any religion care what people do in a state of semi-consciousness?


My husband and I often sleep in separate beds. I snore and toss and turn, he’s a light sleeper. We find plenty of time for cuddles and stuff to make sure we stay “friends”. :wink:

I just spewed a mouthful of Coke all over my monitor laughing at that. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


Common sense should come into play here.

When kids are in the picture it happens a lot.

Babies need to nurse…mom gets up multiple times a night with a newborn.

One spouse snores a lot.

One might be sick and will wish not to get the other sick.

One might work day shifts and another might work nights.

Kids might want to do a play “sleepover” in there room and beg mom to sleep with them.

So, these are just a few scenarios that have specifically happened in our marriage over the past year.

In order to survive and get some much needed sleep from both of us…sleeping separately is a must and almost a survival instinct.

Perhaps not an issue of semi-consciousness, but ultra-Orthodox Jews have separate beds for when a woman is unclean (niddah) and cannot be touched. During the time when she CAN be touched, I believe that the beds are pushed together. It makes sense.

Why do you find that funny? The Church does not tell us in detail how to manage our marital relationships, how to raise our children, how to clean house, how many pets to have, what day to do laundry on, whether or not to hire a maid, nanny, or chauffeur, and so on. But that’s the sort of silly question people ask: is it a sin to do x, y or z? Does the Church allow me to do such & such on Sundays? :shrug:

I think it is not fair to call the questions silly. People have been told a lot of things, and not all of them are true. That naturally gets people wondering about other things that may or may not be true. It’s only a silly question if the person asking it already knows the answer, not if I do. :slight_smile:


Why is that funny? I don’t see how the Catholic Church meddles in people’s lives. There is a certain framework (must be in a state of grace to receive Communion, etc.) but I don’t see the CC telling anyone what they can or can’t do in their day to day lives.

I don’t think calling someone’s question silly is particularly nice.

The OP has scruples and is asking a question.

Not a problem.

Hubby and I were married in the Church almost 36 years ago now. We were blessed with our one and only daughter eight years afterward. We are still together, all three of us, living as family. And we all have separate beds in separate rooms. I snore. He snores. He tosses and turns. She’s nocturnal and in college. To sleep is to sleep. Get enough sleep and the rest of your problems are more easily managed. Here endeth the sermon. :extrahappy::extrahappy:

I think that it’s nice and personally comforting to be able to sleep next to your spouse, but sometimes it isn’t always practical for reasons already mentioned.

My husband is a very restless sleeper and a very loud snorer. You can hear him snoring from one end of our place to the other. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m a really light sleeper, and I toss and turn a lot.

We both learned some time ago that it’s just more practical if we don’t disturb each other, so we don’t sleep in the same room anymore. :slight_smile:

Council of Trent: “CANON VIII.-If any one saith, that the Church errs, in that she declares that, for many causes, a separation may take place between husband and wife, in regard of bed, or in regard of cohabitation, for a determinate or for an indeterminate period; let him be anathema.” [On the Sacrament of Matrimony]

This teaching actually supports NFP (indirectly), since NFP requires a “separation of bed” in the figurative sense, periodically. So there are “many causes” that can justify the use of NFP.

If the people with scrupulous problems would look in the Catechism, they would find they Church doesn’t address their question. Which means they can make up their own minds about what to do. It would save them a lot of anxiety. Tho I suppose they’d find other things to be scrupulous about.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit