Separate myself from my family?


#1

So, I’m home for Labor Day weekend, and I had forgotten just how negative and depressing my family is. I was in the truck for about five minutes before a family’s member started talking bad about another, and things have just gotten worse from there. I even showed a family member a picture of the priest at my College parish and she took one look and said she doesn’t trust him. Yesterday the same family member was condemning religion and the Catholic Church and saying all sorts of things even though she calls herself a non practicing Catholic. There’s been other things and problems, and I’m just tired of it all. I want to distance myself from my family, but if I tried to explain how I really feel and what I think, I would get told I’m ungrateful, I’ve been brainwashed, I’m gullible, and a horrible person. I love my family but I don’t love the way they are, so I don’t know what to do.


#2

I would distance myself too. Constant negativity really wears me down.

You don’t have to explain anything. Just pull back from them and give yourself some breathing space. Maybe if you go home to visit again you could check into a hotel? Just to give yourself somewhere to go if it all gets a bit much for you.


#3

I am surprised you went home so soon. When I was in college, my first time home was Thanksgiving, and I only lived an hour away.

Enjoy your time away from home. Study hard. Perhaps get a part time job and stay at school or off campus for the summer. Then when you graduate you can get on with your life.

I would advise you to just not speak about Catholicism to that family member. Talk about something else. Do not let them bring you down to their level. It sounds like they already have enough topics to argue about.


#4

Did your school start before or after Labor Day weekend. From what I remember, Thanksgiving is the first holiday after Labor Day, so whether or not you get an early break sort of comes down to whether or not Labor Day falls within the school year.


#5

It started before Labor Day, I believe. We were not locked into campus however. We could leave whenever we wanted to.


#6

I didn’t particularly want to go home, but my family insisted and I didn’t feel like getting accused of either doing things I shouldn’t or being accused of being brainwashed and gullible because apparently growing up and distancing yourself from your family and having your own life doesn’t have to happen. Basically the only way I can manage to get away from that mess for good is either become a nun or get married, and a few of my family members would probably rather see me end up pregnant and have a shotgun wedding (which isn’t going to happen no matter how much they predict I will fail just because they did) than be a nun :joy:


#7

I don’t have a job or a vehicle, so I’m having to rely on my family for transportation to and from home until I can get on my own feet. If I tried to check into a hotel and not stay at home I can just imagine the accusations and hurt feelings that would fly around haha


#8

Well, I guess you could ‘call in(home)sick’ Actually you could find other valid reasons not to be able to ‘go home.’ Volunteer work at a nursing home on weekends, part-time job, getting ready for a test-there are various good reasons as to why you ‘can’t make it home’ this weekend with the honest promise you will try to make it next time. I just wouldn’t be quick to cut ties or connections at this time. Pray for them. You could also start to practice the big girl stuff such as ‘I don’t want to hear it’ in a gentle manner or attempt to direct the conversation to the other parties) and away from your self. People have a tendency to love to talk about themselves. Learning how to direct conversations and discussions is a very good life skill to practice and acquire because the world is full of negativity and one-sided opinions and views Above all pray for the others and also for your self. Good Luck!!.


#9

A part time job would also make it easier to get out after college, if the money’s put away.

Redirection depends I think on the family. Some families it works great. I know in mine, anything like I don’t want to hear about it would pretty much result in being told how rude and entitled I am.


#10

I moved to another state (about 800 miles away) in order to get some separation from my family for a few years. I never cut myself off completely, but gave myself a lot of distance.

I have a wonderful relationship with them now, but those years of distance were essential for me creating my own life, and for being able to developing more healthy relationships going forward.

@MaryEstelle2 gives some brilliant suggestions. I had to volunteer, or was scheduled to work, or had to work on a group project, or had rehearsal… over many a holiday break when I was in college.


#11

Gosh, I didn’t know I was so darn brilliant, but thanks for the compliment! Just want to say that when we try to direct or redirect I mean in an avenue the other’s interest, such as football, activities or stuff like that. Relationships can be tricky. My parents were married for fifty years, but they still found stuff to fuss over!!


#12

I’ve been known to develop headaches too.

Sometimes the fact that the headache is coming from the person I’m talking to doesn’t need to be mentioned.


#13

Loving your family does not necessarily mean you will like your family, or like them all the time.

I loved my mom and dad, but I felt I got along better with them when I maintained a little distance. Occasionally it was not possible to have that distance when I needed to be living with them part of the year while in college, or after college when I’d moved several states away, coming home for a certain number of expected holiday visits. At those times I experienced frustration with them at least part of the time, even though I loved them and we generally got along.

I would recommend that you plan on finding work/ housing at some distance from them, and then when you need to be home for a visit, such as on a major holiday, offer your frustrations up to God and try to just avoid getting too frustrated by anything you have to deal with.

People in their 20s and 30s who carp about having to visit their families are a big cliche, because it’s something many if not most of us go through. Even if we generally like our families, there’s always one family member or a couple of particular situations that get on our nerves. It’s important to realize that it’s just a temporary situation and you can put up with it like you would put up with an annoying crunch time at work or with having a cold for a few days. It’s not some huge earth shattering thing that you had to listen to your sibling, uncle, parent say political, religious or social stuff that you think is just the stupidest or worst ever.


#14

That’s how it is for me


#15

Yeah, that is how I learned to cultivate sudden headaches, or digestive problems (no one really wants to ask why you keep running in the bathroom, so you generally don’t have to actually explain that one). Being tired is also a good one, you’re in college, of course you’re exhausted.

A lot of colleges have holiday volunteer programs, which would make a good excuse.


#16

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