First off, if the man present was a deacon then he is at best ignorant of what should take place, at worst doesn’t care. If he is a deacon he himself should conduct this service with proper vestments which in this type of service are alb and a stole with the dalmatic omitted because it is not a Mass and using all the proper form and rubrics provided in the liturgical books.
If he was not a deacon then the lay ministers can and do conduct these types of services with some small adaptations for the simple fact that they are not ordained; such as the penitential right and the blessing. The laity cannot confer a blessing as a deacon or priest. But yes, they can go to the tabernacle and self communicate, the presider only, and distribute Holy Communion.
Another difference is they are not to give a “homily”. But they can give a “reflection”. I know, this is a matter of semantics but none the less it is the guidelines.
Here’s what I would suggest, since it is a neighboring parish there must be someone you know that you can ask about the man whether he is a deacon or not, go talk with that person. If it is learned that he is a deacon, I beg you to confront him in charity and let him know about your concerns; next to the pastor if needed, then lastly to the diocese office of worship if absolutely necessary.
Last thought, she was definitely not a deacon; women cannot receive holy orders, never have and never will. Women cannot be validly ordained, it is not possible.