Serving alcohol at Easter?


#1

I have a question that may seem sort of silly. I enjoy drinking beer in moderation, especially in social situations as it helps me to loosen up a bit (which is why many people drink in social situations). I also enjoy going to Microbrew stores and other beer distributor stores and trying different types of beer. Quite frankly, I prefer the taste to most other soft drink beverages like soda, iced tea, etc.

However, I also enjoy beer in moderation and responsibly (i.e. never drunk driving, never taking food off the family table to subsidize the habit, not putting a job in jeopardy, etc.). I will frequently have one (and only one) when I get home from work and then in social situations. When there is a party, special occasion, holiday/feast day, I always serve beer/wine.

Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

Thanks.


#2

I see nothing wrong with serving alcohol on Easter or any other day for that matter. I would encourage anyone who is drinking not to get drunk though. Also, if you notice anyone who is drunk and may be planning to drive home, tell them that you will take them home, call a cab for them, or something. If they insist on driving while drunk, take their keys away. Don’t let anyone drive drunk.


#3

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
I have a question that may seem sort of silly. I enjoy drinking beer in moderation, especially in social situations as it helps me to loosen up a bit (which is why many people drink in social situations). I also enjoy going to Microbrew stores and other beer distributor stores and trying different types of beer. Quite frankly, I prefer the taste to most other soft drink beverages like soda, iced tea, etc.

However, I also enjoy beer in moderation and responsibly (i.e. never drunk driving, never taking food off the family table to subsidize the habit, not putting a job in jeopardy, etc.). I will frequently have one (and only one) when I get home from work and then in social situations. When there is a party, special occasion, holiday/feast day, I always serve beer/wine.

Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

Thanks.

[/quote]

I also enjoy a beer & wine at any time and would usually serve wine with a festive dinner. OTOH, there is nothing in the rules of etiquette that make it mandatory to serve alcohol with a meal so if serving it at a family meal would make it difficult for a dinner guest, family or not, I'd opt to forgo my own pleasure for their welfare. I'd consider it part of being a good host.


#4

Phemie--And that is why I ultimately agreed to go along with the request. That and St. Paul said that we should not put stumbling blocks in front of others. I think what sort of irritates me is that my wants seem to always be a low priority; however, I guess it is not about my wants. For example, I used to smoke and will many times have cravings around others who smoke, but that doesn't stop my father-in-law from lighting up when we go over there. It seems that, many times, adjustments are made in one direction. Perhaps I am just being hypercritical and sensitive. Thanks for the post.


#5

If the reason were less serious than helping a recovering alcoholic, I could see your point in being annoyed. If a non-drinker attends a party or dinner at my home, I will be sure there are non-alcoholic drink choices, but I will not withhold wine, beer or cocktails from my other guests and my family simply because of someone's preference. However, in order to help an alcoholic maintain sobriety, I would not mind serving only non-alcoholic drinks.


#6

I think it would depend on how long your BIL hasn’t had a drink. If it is a short period of time, it makes sense to not serve.

BUT if it has been a long time, his parents are simply taking the option to drink away from him. He isn’t really a recovering alcoholic, he is an alcoholic that can’t find a drink. :shrug:


#7

Perhaps you can talk to your brother-in-law and find out his feelings. It could be that his parents, in wanting to help him, have requested no alcohol but he doesn’t feel the need to have others help him maintain sobriety. Not knowing how long your BIL has been a recovering alcoholic, it does seem silly to not include alcohol at events if its been years since your BIL has had a problem. However, if he’s only been sober for a few months the close temptation may be too much for him.


#8

As someone who was raised by an alcoholic who is now sober, I think it is a wonderful gesture of support that you have agreed to forego serving alcohol in the presence of a recovering alcoholic. One of the hardest things for those in recovery to do, especially in the first few years, is hang around with people who are enjoying alcohol while they must abstain from something they very much crave.

If a child who was allergic to nuts were coming to your home for Easter, I’m sure you’d have no problem providing a nut-free meal in order to maintain his safety and health. It’s the same with your brother-in-law - alcoholism is truly a disease of life and death. Rest assured there will be many other opportunities for you to enjoy beer, and although I do understand why you would be annoyed (since maybe you feel your brother-in-law would not be equally as supportive if the roles were reversed), think of this as a great opportunity for you to evaluate your own relationship with alcohol.


#9

[quote="takers, post:7, topic:236618"]
Perhaps you can talk to your brother-in-law and find out his feelings. It could be that his parents, in wanting to help him, have requested no alcohol but he doesn't feel the need to have others help him maintain sobriety. Not knowing how long your BIL has been a recovering alcoholic, it does seem silly to not include alcohol at events if its been years since your BIL has had a problem. However, if he's only been sober for a few months the close temptation may be too much for him.

[/quote]

My father is a recovering alcoholic. For the first year or so, we didn't have any in the house and tended to party with others that were recovering.

Now, many, many years later, he has no problem with me opening a bottle of wine for dinner or having a beer/wine cooler/hard cider while eating pizza or having a back yard cook out. He just asks that I stock soda or sweet tea. :shrug:


#10

I understand what you're describing. I've been in a similar place myself. I think the devil is having some fun with you.

You have acknowledged that it is a good thing to do, to withhold the alcohol to help your brother in law. You also say that it's irritating to you because you enjoy a drink in a social situation. Me too. I'm usually very shy and will relax after a drink - my usual limit is two spread across an evening. I was forced into 'sobriety' during every one of my pregnancies. I didn't enjoy it much, but I knew I had no option and so I was okay with it. Sometimes it was very hard, and I had nights that were not much fun for me, and I felt like I missed out, but the result was worth it.

I've also had many times where I see people expecting concern for someone else, where the same or similar concern is not extended to me. It's not fair, and it's usually the same people every time, causing me to develop resentment over time, and to see every action of theirs in the same light. What should you do about it?

I really think that these are the times when we can do something great for God. Offer the difficulty to him in reparation for sins, for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, or for some other intention that is dear to you. Show charity to your brother in law, and offer your efforts to God. Offer the injustice. Never let a hard moment pass without offering it, and then be happy that you can be used to achieve such good.

Ah, now I've inspired myself. Thank you.:D


#11

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
I have a question that may seem sort of silly. I enjoy drinking beer in moderation, especially in social situations as it helps me to loosen up a bit (which is why many people drink in social situations). I also enjoy going to Microbrew stores and other beer distributor stores and trying different types of beer. Quite frankly, I prefer the taste to most other soft drink beverages like soda, iced tea, etc.

However, I also enjoy beer in moderation and responsibly (i.e. never drunk driving, never taking food off the family table to subsidize the habit, not putting a job in jeopardy, etc.). I will frequently have one (and only one) when I get home from work and then in social situations. When there is a party, special occasion, holiday/feast day, I always serve beer/wine.

Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

Thanks.

[/quote]

If you love your brother-in-law you will do everything in your power to help him as a recovering alcoholic - including not serving alcoholic beverages at family functions.
Jesus commanded us to love our Neighbors.

If you are not comfortable in social situations without alcohol, you may have a problem yourself. - even though you have stated you only drink in moderation.


#12

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
I have a question that may seem sort of silly. I enjoy drinking beer in moderation, especially in social situations as it helps me to loosen up a bit (which is why many people drink in social situations). I also enjoy going to Microbrew stores and other beer distributor stores and trying different types of beer. Quite frankly, I prefer the taste to most other soft drink beverages like soda, iced tea, etc.

However, I also enjoy beer in moderation and responsibly (i.e. never drunk driving, never taking food off the family table to subsidize the habit, not putting a job in jeopardy, etc.). I will frequently have one (and only one) when I get home from work and then in social situations. When there is a party, special occasion, holiday/feast day, I always serve beer/wine.

Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

Thanks.

[/quote]

My advice is to ask your mother and father in law to host Easter next year.


#13

but you are submerging your feelings for the good of another, a real act of charity, good for you. I especially like the fact that it highlights the qualities of a good host, catering to the comfort and welfare of his guests. a good example, thank you


#14

We usually have wine and beer with our large family Easter dinner. Some of us drink, some of us don't. However, if someone was recovering from alcoholism and requested no alcohol, I would not hesitate to honor that request. The well being of all guests would take precedence. I am always happy just to spend time with my family on Easter alcohol or no alcohol.


#15

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

[/quote]

Wow, that's pretty selfish. He has a serious disease he's trying to overcome and you would put temptation in his path. Christ did have something to say about being a stumbling block for others.

It's one day and you should be considerate of others as the host.

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

[/quote]

No, you don't have a point and yes you are being selfish, IMHO.


#16

1ke–Let me rewrite in case you missed it: I said that I have obliged to the request and have agreed to not serve alcohol. I would think actions should speak louder than words since I can’t really help my feelings.


#17

[quote="ANNE_2, post:11, topic:236618"]
If you are not comfortable in social situations without alcohol, you may have a problem yourself. - even though you have stated you only drink in moderation.

[/quote]

That occurred to me, too, especially in light of how carefully the OP described his alcohol use as not being excessive. Sounded kind of defensive to me, and might be worth a bit of self-examination.


#18

Where does this end..???

John has a drinking problem - recovering alcoholic.... please do not serve alcohol - also remove all mouthwash & cough syrup from your house - John will be tempted...

Mary has a dessert addiction - please do not serve any desserts - she will be tempted

Bill has a peanut allergy - please do not put peanuts out

Susan is a vegan - please only serve vegan foods

Thomas is allergic to shrimp - please do not serve shrimp

Bob is a caffine addict - do not serve coffee

Ali is a muslim coming to Easter - please do not let any pork products into your house and while you're at it... get rid of the dog - muslims do not come into houses which have dogs in it and hide the booze -

If I were hosting a party/celebration I would leave it to the adults to handle their addictions & their religios beliefs... - not my job to police them.

So poster... go ahead and have your one beer and enjoy Easter & enjoy your compay.


#19

[quote="mk8080, post:1, topic:236618"]
Here is where my question comes in: My wife and I are having Easter dinner and her parents asked us not to serve or have alcohol because their son (my brother-in-law) is a recovering alcoholic. We have obliged, but (and I sort of feel ashamed that I think this way) I am slightly irritated that I need to modify my behavior to appease someone else. After all, I am not an alcoholic. In a way, I sort of feel like I am being pushed into the corner when it is my own house. I find it very hard to believe that any of them would make the same adjustment for me.

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a point, or am I just having selfish and/or territorial feelings?

Thanks.

[/quote]

As someone with a relative who is an alcoholic, I can totally understand why your wife's parents have made this request. Someone who is a recovering alcoholic has an extremely difficult (that's putting it mildly) road in front of them, and any opportunity to avoid that struggle and fall back into drinking will be very tempting.

I totally understand your hesitation and the feeling that you're being told what to do. I can relate, but at the same time, doing what they've asked would be such an act of love on your part and it would be the Christ-like thing to do. Deny your own wants for the good of someone else. After all, it's just one alcohol-free meal. You can do that. :)

As to whether they would do such a thing if you requested it, that's probably the hardest part for you, right? It's not really about the alcohol, it's about feeling like you're being asked for something with nothing in return. I understand how hard this can be, especially when past experiences of giving and giving may have left you feeling used and unappreciated (I've been there). If you can do this though, know that you will be doing the kind, loving, compassionate thing, which I'm sure will make God happy.

:)


#20

I thought just the opposite. When ever I try to explain if I drink, how much I drink, I always end up sounding like I am defending myself.

It comes from the fact that my father is a recovering alcoholic. Not that I drink too much.


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