Sex Addiction Outbreak


#21

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
How many men never looked at porn until they got married and found that they weren't going to have sexual relations as often as they would like?

[/quote]

I don't understand the first part, but I would say most men regardless of porn exposure may not have as much sex as they would like. Hopefully it is because of their mutual choice out of respect for their spouse.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
I don't believe that a man who has never made women mere objects of his desires just magically starts doing that after marriage.

[/quote]

Yes it happens, marriage doesn't shield you from future sin. Perhaps the wife is the one who introduced sexual related sin to the marriage in some cases. Is a wife who takes the pill less sinful? They are both part of a bigger problem predicted by Paul VI.

Many "good" men fall into this very gradually, some by searching for marital advice (or several other subjects) end up at sites designed to look like medical/sports/or marital advice sites that are actually designed to try and draw them in and trap them. Not an excuse, just the truth on how that industry works.

For other "non good" men the "magic" happens when they are a child and are exposed by an older male (or female). This is like raping the poor child and effects his brain for the rest of his life. He like the rest of us has to strive to live a moral life.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
Just as rape is not primarily about sex, and therefore is not cured by finding the rapist a wife, pornography is not going to be cured when every husband is guaranteed to have relations with his wife whenever he feels like it.

[/quote]

Never said it was a cure. The lack of education for both spouses is a part of the problem.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
How many couples use NFP to avoid future pregnancies over the objections of the husband? Some, undoubtedly, but really...how many?

[/quote]

at least one. Well almost NFP wasn't actually involved. Do you think husbands don't want kids?:confused:

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
Periodic continence is not a violation of mutual self-giving. Rather, it is inevitable that some married persons are not going to engage in sex with their spouses as often as they would like to. Sometimes, they will need to be continent when both might desire otherwise, because conditions outside their control make it impossible to find the ability and privacy necessary for the act.

[/quote]

Yes.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
The burden of self-denial does not rest entirely on the spouse that desires sexual relations less often, then. Rather, the selflessness of sexual giving is shared equally between the one who desires sex less often and the one who would like it more often. Sometimes, spouses have to deny themselves when neither one wants to. The decision of how often to have sex has to be arrived at by mutual willingness to sacrifice one's own preferences.

[/quote]

Yes one spouse has a duty to render the marriage debt within reason and the other has a duty not to request it unreasonable. The fact that this is not taught or discussed is the problem. I'm not taking one side or the other, its the fact that it used to be in standard materials and is not now that is a contributing problem.

[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:201513"]
So you are right: porn comes about when people think sex is about personal gratification. Yes, people can abuse NFP to make sex purely about personal gratification, but I think it fair to say that was the personal problem going in, a spiritual fault that NFP doesn't automatically cure, not a problem that NFP itself causes.

[/quote]

Well St. Paul said that those you can't handle virginity should be married and that spouses should not deny each other for fear of sexual sin, unless by mutual choice for a period, for prayer. 1 corth 7 paraphrased.

The spiritual fault can be a lack of trust in God. All it takes is a crack, enough time and a lack of spiritual food..."but for the grace of God go I.."

I am 100% against porn/masturbation. I am hard nosed about this. However this is much bigger than "a men are pathetic and weak problem" Women for that part are not responsible for their husbands sins, however they can either help create an environment that helps men avoid it or they can grease the tracks. Women should stand up and demand that women be treated with dignity. Men want to be knights they will follow suit.


#22

[quote="whm, post:21, topic:201513"]
I don't understand the first part, but I would say most men regardless of porn exposure may not have as much sex as they would like. Hopefully it is because of their mutual choice out of respect for their spouse.

Yes it happens, marriage doesn't shield you from future sin. Perhaps the wife is the one who introduced sexual related sin to the marriage in some cases. Is a wife who takes the pill less sinful? They are both part of a bigger problem predicted by Paul VI.

Many "good" men fall into this very gradually, some by searching for marital advice (or several other subjects) end up at sites designed to look like medical/sports/or marital advice sites that are actually designed to try and draw them in and trap them. Not an excuse, just the truth on how that industry works.

For other "non good" men the "magic" happens when they are a child and are exposed by an older male (or female). This is like raping the poor child and effects his brain for the rest of his life. He like the rest of us has to strive to live a moral life.

Never said it was a cure. The lack of education for both spouses is a part of the problem.

at least one. Well almost NFP wasn't actually involved. Do you think husbands don't want kids?:confused:

Yes.

Yes one spouse has a duty to render the marriage debt within reason and the other has a duty not to request it unreasonable. The fact that this is not taught or discussed is the problem. I'm not taking one side or the other, its the fact that it used to be in standard materials and is not now that is a contributing problem.

Well St. Paul said that those you can't handle virginity should be married and that spouses should not deny each other for fear of sexual sin, unless by mutual choice for a period, for prayer. 1 corth 7 paraphrased.

The spiritual fault can be a lack of trust in God. All it takes is a crack, enough time and a lack of spiritual food..."but for the grace of God go I.."

I am 100% against porn/masturbation. I am hard nosed about this. However this is much bigger than "a men are pathetic and weak problem" Women for that part are not responsible for their husbands sins, however they can either help create an environment that helps men avoid it or they can grease the tracks. Women should stand up and demand that women be treated with dignity. Men want to be knights they will follow suit.

[/quote]

I'm only saying there is a balance involved, a give and take, when a couple decides when and how often to satisfy the marital debt. Yes, you can usually find some blame, if you look for it: he doesn't touch me unless he wants "it", which he rushes to as quickly as possible, she says I should wait for her to be in the mood, too, only she's hardly ever in the mood, he/she used to take an effort to be attractive but now takes me for granted, and so on. Very often, these are issues that take more work and communication than either spouse is putting in.

I think I was lucky. I was taught these things in a class for seniors, taught by a priest, at my Catholic high school.

It only takes one to fall into impurity or infidelity. Avoiding them requires a joint effort. As for where culpability for sin lies, that depends on the situation. It is better to make avoiding sin a joint effort, though, and not get too wound up in who to blame when there is a failure.


#23

[quote="EasterJoy, post:22, topic:201513"]
It only takes one to fall into impurity or infidelity. Avoiding them requires a joint effort. As for where culpability for sin lies, that depends on the situation. It is better to make avoiding sin a joint effort, though, and not get too wound up in who to blame when there is a failure.

[/quote]

Well said!


#24

I've been married to a porn addict for 25 years now. I can remember thinking that there is no way that there is such a thing as porn addiction. It's just bad behavior. Well, after studying it and living with it I'm sure that there really is suc a thing as porn addiction. My husband goes to Mass every morning and confession at least once a week. He still is a porn addict that has put me in the hospital three times with STD's. The last time I almost died after spending a week in the hospital and going through 2 surgeries. Yes, there is such a thing as porn addiction. The brain rewires and the high is just like a chemical dependency. He has even tried brain training for a week in Arizona. Pray for me.


#25

I’m so sorry about what you’ve gone through.

I absolutely do believe there is such a thing as a sexual addiction. People can be addicted to food or gambling. They can even be addicted to religion. Even if it is “only” a psychological addiction, and not a physical dependence, the impact on your life and the difficulty of stopping go far beyond a bad habit laid upon a character that is too weak to do what is necessary to shake it off. It is a level of enslavement that goes beyond that.

If you say “I have an addiction”, though, and you mean “this is the way I am, I can’t help it”, then I don’t think you’ve really admitted to yourself what it means to be addicted. To say, “I have an addiction” with understanding is akin to saying “My house is on fire, and if I don’t get help, I will lose everything.” Getting help does not guarantee the house will be saved, but if you are truly addicted, your chance of saving yourself are about nil. By definition, addictive choices are seriously destructive of self and of relationships with others. If you do nothing to save yourself, you will certainly be ruined.

You can shake off a bad habit by yourself. With an addiction, you need to do the hard work that is required to accept help.


#26

I dont think you can be 'addicted' to sex. I think its just that you don't care about yourself and want to go pleasing your evil desiers.


#27

[quote="BlueShadow123, post:26, topic:201513"]
I dont think you can be 'addicted' to sex. I think its just that you don't care about yourself and want to go pleasing your evil desiers.

[/quote]

Do you think it is possible to be addicted to food? What would be the difference? Not every person who is overweight has an addiction to food, but food addictions do happen. I don't think there is anything you can over-do or that you use as a self-medicating behavior that you can't become addicted to.

OTOH, if you think about the usual consequences of truly admitting that you have an addiction, the admitted addict is not let off the hook when it comes to stopping the behavior that owns him or her. If anything, the person is required to be both far more humble and far more adamant about what he or she is willing to do to escape the enslavement of it. In that sense, it is hardly self-indulgent to say you're addicted to something. It is the open acceptance of an extremely humbling reality.


#28

You can be addicted to sex, but it's extremely rare. It's mostly a lack of self control.

I speak from firsthand on the matter of addiction-but not sexual matters. I've been sober from a type of chemical addiction for a year and seven months come the 14th. An addiction to a chemical, in my opinion, is different than a sex addiction. Both are horrible, life destroying things, but in my view (and I admit I am not a psychologist or addiction specialist) they are different.

I'm skeptical of food addictions as well.


#29

[quote="Rascalking, post:28, topic:201513"]
I'm skeptical of food addictions as well.

[/quote]

C'mon, now. Once you try an ice cream sandwich, there's no going back.


#30

[quote="Rascalking, post:28, topic:201513"]
You can be addicted to sex, but it's extremely rare. It's mostly a lack of self control.

I speak from firsthand on the matter of addiction-but not sexual matters. I've been sober from a type of chemical addiction for a year and seven months come the 14th. An addiction to a chemical, in my opinion, is different than a sex addiction. Both are horrible, life destroying things, but in my view (and I admit I am not a psychologist or addiction specialist) they are different.

I'm skeptical of food addictions as well.

[/quote]

Sex addiction, IMHO, should be more properly considered a compulsory disorder along the lines of OCD than an actual addiction. That being said, there is a lot of significant data available that says these actions cause the release of neurotransmitters known to be associated with chemical addiction so there is something to the statement "sex addict".

I think perhaps treating it as a physical addiction rather than a psychological compulsion is the correct way to treat this, since the differing treatment styles will yield COMPLETELY different results. Treating it as a physical addiction will definitely help most people with this problem whether it be a "lack of self control" (which I dont think it is when it is a true problem) or an addiction to the endorphins released during... stuff...

But that is just one man's opinion.

FSC


#31

[quote="FidesSpesCarita, post:30, topic:201513"]
"lack of self control" (which I dont think it is when it is a true problem)

[/quote]

Like I said-I do think, when it's a true problem, it's clearly more than a lack of self control. However, I think it is very, very rare.


#32

My husband is a severe sex-addict, (SIN ADDICT is more like it)…and his problem has escalated so far as to break our 22 year marriage and family up… as I type. We will be divorcing sometime in the future. You see, He doesn’t want to give up his sin. Simple.

Dear FIAT MIHI…I will pray for you.

May I ask why you have stayed with your hus knowing all he’s done? even putting you in the hospital for STD’S? Isn’t this going a little too far? I am so sorry…

Guess there are many reasons.

For me, I do not want to be a lied to, and deceived and continually betrayed doormat any longer. The light finally went off in my head…bing~~~~****God has an awesome future for me I know.


#33

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