Sex and newlyweds!


#1

How did you find the experience of making love as newlyweds, if you waited until you were married to do so, or even if you didn’t?

My hubby and I just got married this month and I think I’m a little surprised at the realities of sex after our honeymoon :slight_smile: Every time is of course sacred and unitive, but did you find in the beginnings of your sexual experiences with your new spouse that at times it felt awkward and… well, I guess, not quite as “wonderful” as other times? I don’t want this to come out wrong but it’s hard to explain! :rolleyes: I feel every time is sacred, but this is all very new and we are learning!

Any insights or care to share anything?


#2

We waited - and our wedding night was a comedic disaster…two exhausted and emotionally wiped-out people…:blushing: but nature prevailed…:wink:
BUT

We didn’t let it get us down and committed ourselves to practice, practice, practice … 20 years & a couple of kids later we’re still practicing…& getting better all the time :rolleyes: .


#3

I waited until I got married. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I think sex is overrated. IMO


#4

i waited till marriage and found that sex was overrated too… but that still did not lessen the fact that i felt the most bonded with him … because of it !!!


#5

I think almost all first times are awkward and embarressing. It takes time and practice to figure out what works best. ANd usually after the wedding the couple is pretty darn tired. I for one do not think sex is over rated. Ofcourse I’ve been married over 16 years so we’ve had lots of practice.:stuck_out_tongue:


#6

If you think about sex rationally, what it is you actually do, what you put where and then what you do with it… well, sex is one of God’s wierdest inventions!

It’s awkward the first few times, but trust me, this is something that people learn to do well and really enjoy alot. You’ll get there.

And hey, you have to be able to laugh at it. Some of the funniest moments in our marriage have been sex-related. As Mrs. Which said in A Wrinkle in Time, “The only way to deal with something deadly serious is to take it a little lightly.” :wink:


#7

Sex in general is overrated or sex for the first time is overrated?

I can see that with so many expectation of making love for the first time, the pressure, the constant images and such from society, how tired you are after your big day, then I can maybe see that.

Just looking for clarification.

Congrats to the OP on your marriage.


#8

Our marriage prep weekend dealt with this issue, sort of. They talked about how two people who have never been intimate with each other can experience some disillusionment after all the build-up and anticipation of engagement and preparation. They even recommended some Christian-based books about the topic, but I never sought out the titles and it’s been several years… you might try amazon.com and do a search?

Just remind yourself that marriage brings many changes and transitions. Two lives and two bodies are coming together and uniting for the very first time. Give yourself an adjustment period and talk very openly and sensitively about how you each are feeling (careful not to destroy his confidence or criticize), your expectations and love languages.

Congrats on your marriage! :slight_smile:


#9

I would agree with Princess_Abby’s advice - be open and talk about it together…it helps!

I would say sex within marriage is definitely NOT overrated :D, but I would also say that there are definitely times where it’s not as “wonderful” as others. That doesn’t make it any less unitive and bonding, and that’s what’s so great about it. Also, for my DH, I think there are less of those “non-wonderful” times, so it helps knowing that too :).


#10

Practice makes perfect. And ehhh er, don’t throw a game, if you know what it mean.


#11

This thread is a tad naughty :stuck_out_tongue:


#12

Thanks for the congratulations and the thoughts! I think I was simply searching for some acknowledgement from others with the experience that I’m not feeling out of the ordinary :slight_smile:

I think it’s definitely true that sex is built up in popular culture to be something it isn’t (in many obvious ways and some not so obvious!) – even in movies… something always graceful and totally passionate! It’s funny, I often tell myself 'm outside of the influence of those sorts of images and ideas because I’m aware of the falsity of them, but that is definitely not true in most instances. I wasn’t disillusioned in thinking we’d always have these perfect and wildly passionate sessions of love, but it’s still been, at times, a very strange (but pleasant) adjustment! And just being able to talk about that is something that really opens up the communication channels, too.

I think when I first brought something like this up during our honeymoon it DID sort of hurt his confidence-- I worded it gently but it’s a sensitive topic on both parts.

In the end, it comes down to communication and practice… and practice is definitely fun! :blushing:


#13

Of course it is, I think he is going through something similar as your experience - perhaps he was not hurt in his confidence, only in his hope that you did not find it very embarrassing! Congrats on your marriage!


#14

We were both virgins, aged 29 3/4:D And we were so wiped out on the wedding night that we went straight to sleep, then we spent a week going from party to party and meeting all the family (we got married in Cyprus), so…at night we were happy to just go straight to sleep:D Then in the 2nd week of our honeymoon, when most of the family had returned to their villages and to England, we finally had time for ourselves and I have it ‘on record’ that on Day Nine of our marriage we finally…uhm…did it. And it was a disaster, lots of fumbling and giggling and ‘how do we do this’. We decided that ‘sex was WAAAAAAAAYYYY over-rated’ there and then! But…as time went by and we got to know eachothers bodies better it got easier and better and now we quite enjoy it:thumbsup: I’m definately glad we ‘waited’, as at least we learnt TOGETHER and there is no ‘my ex was better’ or ‘gf no21 did this or that’…It’s much nicer this way;)

Anna x


#15

Remember, every time is supposed to be “unitive and procreative”, not every time is supposed to bring the house down.
:smiley:


#16

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:doh2:


#17

Anna - God bless you both for waiting! The blessings you will find in that will be great I’m sure.

~Liza


#18

Thank you:) We’ve both just turned 36 now and have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters, so far and are still very happy together:D

Anna x


#19

Well when we first got married I thought sex was the greatest thing in the world…
Little did I know I could actually get even BETTER with time and practice! :smiley:
Looking back at our first feabile attempts is actually comical, but at the time it seemed pretty great… I just didn’t know any better!

:smiley:


#20

Ruby,
I have been married twice. The first time we umm “almost” made it waiting until we were married. We ended up eloping and we jumped the gun and “consummated” the night before. In that marriage, I would totally agree with what you said… but give it time, you two will get to know exactly what each other likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, I did end up divorced and spent 8 years as a single mom. After the divorce I waited a year to even date and then made it quite clear that I was not sleeping with anyone unless I was married to them… It scared most guys off. The next marriage we dated for 6 years and waited until our wedding night. Now, neither one of us were virgins when we got married but we still waited (anyone who found out thought we were nuts!). Our wedding night was the most incredible night of my life! Why? Because we waited… because we viewed each act as sacramental, because we took the time to really get to know each other without sex getting in the way. No different than the first time except that we both knew what we were doing so to speak.

Give it time, I promise it will just get better and better as you learn the more “intimate” parts of each other.


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