Hello everyone. I read the rules for this forum, and I really hope my post makes it… if it’s too graphic and must be removed, I understand… I will try to find some other place to get the help I desperately need. I hope this doesn’t get too long… and that if it does, the right person will be able to finish it and give me some advice.
My name is Anthony, I’m an American man, age 26. I married my “high school sweetheart” when I was 18 years old - as soon as I could afford it (though looking back… I can’t believe how young, foolish, and POOR I was!).
Her and I have an incredible marriage. We have always been best friends: there is no topic that is unapproachable, and we do everything together. Our personalities blend perfectly… we compliment each other perfectly… with just a couple exceptions, we’ve never even fought (when we did, it never got heated - just intense - and both times were over the disrespectful way my father treats her). She is my business partner… my everything. After 8 years of marriage, I just can’t imagine anyone has the type of marriage that we have.
When we married, my wife was a Baptist, and I was a “…Christian…” (meaning, I prayed to Christ and believed in Him, but never went to church). I went to my wife’s church almost weekly during our 9 month engagement, and even though it bored me to death, I made the best of it.
We both saved ourselves for marriage: she, because she was raised in a good home (I wasn’t) and had a tough-as-nails moral background (I didn’t), and me, because of some divine… angelic protection, is all I can conclude. There was nothing else stopping me… I have always been a decent looking dude, but somehow I made it through high school without crossing that sacred boundary - THANK GOD.
Our engagement was very strained, physically. We both wanted each other so badly, and while we never crossed that final line, we certainly got very close on many occasions, and did things that, had I not married her, I would have had a hard time explaining to whoever came next.
After marriage, and with that one area of stress removed, our relationship was excellent. We were poor devils, financially, but we got by. Where we came from, it was encouraged to “wait to have kids until you’re ready”, and so she went on birth control - ‘the pill’.
(Now of course, we see the sad perils of this grave action - not to mention the disastrous health side effects - but believe it or not, it was actually encouraged by her well-intentioned protestant parents).
We stayed this way for three years, until we began moving down the road of more healthy living, and examining the food and cleaning products in our house, etc. When we realized how terrible ‘the pill’ is for you, she stopped taking it, and we switched to using condoms.
(Please keep in mind that we literally had no idea that this was immoral. We’d been raised to believe that we were being responsible, and our consciences hadn’t developed to the point where we could see that birth control is a slippery slope that can only lead to the systematic slaughter of millions of children every year.)
We used condoms until November 2011, when, after an amazing dinner with her grandparents, we realized that we were ready to begin a family - and not just that, but that we had delayed it far too long. By this time, we’d gotten to a very comfortable position in life. I’d become very skilled at business, and we enjoyed a life of plenty. New cars… anything we wanted. We had no good reason to wait any longer to start a family, and when it struck us, we immediately went home and “began trying”.
We got pregnant either that night, or the next night - we’re still not sure which one it was
Our little girl is the best thing that has ever happened to either of us. We each love her with our whole hearts, and it’s brought us together like nothing else ever could have. I DEFINITELY recommend that anyone in our position GETS STARTED, because kids are a blast, and we’re so happy.
Early on in our pregnancy, we decided to get serious about starting a tradition for our family, rather than the silly religion that we had then. Our search for a spiritual home that would lead to growth, of course led to the most brilliant minds on the planet, including Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine, GK Chesterson, and Hilarire Belloc. They all pointed toward Catholicism, and after a year of attending weekly mass, we entered RCIA.
We joined the church officially this Easter, and we both are SO thrilled to have done so. It’s such a warm faith, and we love it.
NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE BACKGROUND… let me get to the point of this post.
Sex has always been one of my favorite parts of the relationship between my wife and I. Ever since the night of our wedding, we’ve been ‘active’. We’ve never done anything “weird” or degrading- we’ve just really enjoyed each other.
I’ve always loved our open-ness, and this physical side of our relationship. It’s such a stress-eliminator, and it helps me think clearly, and yadda yadda. She enjoys it as well, but being a woman, I don’t think she’s capable of “needing” it the same way I do - but she’s always been very willing and eager to meet my level of “need”. Without making her sound like a push-over (she’s definitely NOT), I’d say she’s always been a very good, accommodating companion in this regard- whether she’s “in the mood” or not. And I have thanked her and God for that willingness on many, many occasions. I couldn’t live without it.
And that’s the problem.