Sex on daytime TV


#1

I am in need of some advice. My girlfriend and I are both devout Catholics, attending church every Sunday and going to confession. We’ve been together for 2.5 years, and plan to get married.

My problem is, she likes to watch a lot of television drama shows that I think are inappropriate, and which feature a lot of non-Christian things, mostly pre/extra-martial sex.

I have tried confronting her about this, and tried to explain calmly why I believe that it is wrong. She counters that she does not condone that sort of behavior and that it does not affect her way of living (which it really doesn’t, other than the fact that she watches these shows), but that she watches the shows mostly because she’s bored and for other elements of the show. We have had lengthy discussions about it, and she still will not agree to stop watching them.

I’m not sure if I should just drop the matter or continue to try to make my point. What is the best way to handle this?


#2

Drop it. She does not need you to act as a parent. You expressed your concern -she disagrees. What exactly will accomplish by continuing except making her feel she is not intelligent enough to make her own choices regarding what TV programs she watch?

If this is something you can not live with or are counting on in time she will change her mind than maybe it’s time to move on.


#3

I would pray for her. Soaps are like soft porn for women and they are garbage. It may not affect her now, but continued exposure will only make her indifferent and that’s all it takes. I posted this on another thread, but if you have an “Examination of Conscience” pamphlet for confession, this matter should be pretty clearly stated. And if watching garbage on t.v. warrants a trip to the confessional just for the sake of being entertained for a few hours a day . . .is it really worth it?

I whole-heartedly agree with you, but God must soften her heart on this issue to open her eyes to His Truth. You might consider buying purity books for both of you. I bought “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Woman’s Battle.” Maybe it would help if you both read these books and talked about them so you’re not just handing it to her to fix her stuff. Of course, my husband didn’t read his, but I read both and they’re good and this subject is covered in the women’s book. Keeping you in my prayers. God Bless and just persevere in prayer.


#4

**While the shows may not be your idea of entertainment , they are not in of themselves evil. This is one of many disagreements you two will have and how you both handle it will be very telling as to how your future lives will be together.

You sound like you are trying to make her see your side and change her opinion. You can’t do that. All you can do is tell her why it offends you and let her decide what she wants to do about it.

Personally, I think you’re being a bit heavy handed. She knows you think it’s wrong. Leave it be. If it is important to you that your future wife not watch daytime dramas then this isn’t the girl for you.

Malia
**


#5

**What shows do you disagree with? My first impression is that she is watching daytime soaps…but when i reread what you wrote I realized that you don’t specify.

Malia**


#6

I agree with the poster who said that you should just let it go. I mean, don’t let it go from the standpoint of making your thoughts known…that is never a bad idea. But, I wouldn’t be angry, or presume she is watching it for any other reason than the plot. I used to watch soap operas when I was in my teens…and into college. Now, I view them as absolutely silly, and the subject matter (I channel surf if I’m home sick from work) seems downright nuts. Everyone is either plotting to kill one another, or they have slept with one another. But, that being said, I don’t think they are the worst of the worst on tv.:shrug:


#7

If she’s not imitating the behaviors after years of watching, I tend to take her word for the (admittedly mindless) entertainment value of the shows. We all have things we struggle with, and I don’t think you should try to force the issue.
Besides, if you do get married and have a family, I doubt she’s going to have the time to spend in front of the TV in the daytime, so the problem will likely take care of itself.
Come to think of it, I watched one soap when my oldest was very young, but as soon as he was old enough to be affected by what was on, I shut it off.


#8

you could always try and get her out of the house and away from the tv at those times. it might be better though to just pray that she either finally realizes how absurd those shows are or that she just gets bored with them.

I’m so glad my husband only mentioned not watching them once. I’m pretty sure that it was just because he happened to be home from work that day and he realized they made me cry (to be fair, I was pregnant at the time and everything made me cry :D). I eventually got bored with them (must’ve been when marlena got kidnapped for the millionth time by stefano rofl) and quit watching.


#9

I would drop the issue if it’s not impacting her behavior toward you or “her way of living” as you put it.

This sounds like something that could build resentment, and perhaps she may eventually change her mind about marrying you if she feels you are too controling. And for what? Because you decided to keep pushing this issue?

It’s not worth it. Live and let live as long as she loves you and is honest and faithful.


#10

Drop it, it’s just entertainment and she can take care of herself. How would you feel if she told you to stop watching something you enjoy?


#11

I disagree with those who say “drop it” or “it’s harmless entertainment” or “she can watch what she wants”.

Daytime soap operas are quite racy, and as you said show all sorts of immoral things. She seems to be addicted to them-- and that is not likely to change. I know women who tape them and watch them when the get home from work. I agree with the other poster who said it is porn for women.

If it upsets you, you need to think about it pretty hard. If you get married and she stays at home with young children, do you think she will suddenly stop watching these soaps? Most little girls get hooked on watching “soaps” because their mothers are watching them while they are home together.

So, yes, this is something that can have a long term impact on how you want to live your life as a family and raise children.

I *personally *don’t think it’s an issue to just overlook. It really says something about her character.


#12

What? You don’t care what the people in Port Charles or Llanview or Pine Valley do? :wink:

Drop the control act. You are not her tv police. A tv show is not going to make her have an affair.

I’m a devout Catholic. And I’ve been watching the stoopid people of Pine Valley since about 1977. Let me give you a different take on things.

Soaps are like the morality tales of old. (But instead of tv, they were brought to the towns by bards who sang the songs over and over to the audiences.) Yes, there is adultery, murder, revenge… and you know what? It’s often the only time on tv that anyone ever eventually pays for their crimes. The viewer gets an emotional payoff. You don’t often get that in prime time. (And the “sex” is often very minimal) And God knows we don’t see people pay for their sins or crimes in real life. So it’s a way to vicariously see people “get what’s coming to them.”

Let me tell you from a grown woman’s perspective… the romance scenes are often too funny… they are unlikely, silly or contrived and you watch them rolling your eyes. Doesn’t make me want to run out and have an affair with the gardener. :shrug:

And I used to watch at lunchtime while I nursed my babies. When my newborn was first being nursed when I brought her home from the hospital, the music came on and she immediately turned her head to the tv. She KNEW that song!

Are they addicted now with mommy? No. They wander into the room if it is on (which it may or may not be… I can go weeks without watching my show) and say “Do you STILL watch that stupid show?”

And actually, we’ve gotten into conversations based on the plot… analyzing the morality of someone’s behavior and why it’s wrong.

This isn’t a hill to die on, sir. And often in life when real life drama gets too much… and it will happen… the shows seem really inane. It’s an escape. Don’t judge her morality by her interest in a soap.


#13

**I don’t think this is an issue of he is wrong or she is wrong. There have been good points made for each. But it is an issue of “can I really live the rest of my life with someone who does this?” That can apply to him or her. If he does not like it he is free to find a woman who more closely matches what he desires in a spouse. If she doesn’t like his attitude about this issue then she is free to move on as well.

The problem comes when these issues are ignored and a marriage takes place and THEN one or both spouses realize that it really was a big deal and now they are in trouble.

Sort these issues out BEFORE marriage or be prepared to accept the things you cannot change and make the best of it. And really try to think ahead to how these issues will affect all aspects of your future together, especially any children you may have.

Malia**


#14

I agree somewhat with you, malia…

I do think though that there are so many more ‘deal breakers’ out there…are we being too hard on someone? Is the OP without flaws? We are hearing one side of a story, so I tend to think that breaking up with someone over watching soap operas, sounds so Jerry Seinfeld-ish. :slight_smile: There can be much horrible things that a person could be doing, and this just sounds like we expect our future spouses to have no flaws. I suppose if you cannot live with someone who watches soap operas, probably best to move on, but I just think you are setting yourself up for major disappointment if something of that nature could make or break a relationship. Now, if she watches constant smut, yeah…that could be problematic…but again, I’m sure the OP has flaws.I look at this as a flaw, not as a deal breaker in a relationship.

But, that’s my opinion…everyone is entitled I suppose to view this a bit differently.:slight_smile:


#15

I used to watch soaps from the time I was 7 years old. I watched them until I felt my oldest child was too old to see it with me and then I made it a new year’s resolution to never watch them again. It worked.

I think it indicates a person’s spiritual immaturity for one thing…I cannot keep a straight face watching that stuff now. I could care less who Jason or Brenda or Carly or Sonny or Alan or Monica or Luci or Jagger or Jax are sleeping with/killing/or otherwise participating in other immoral behavior with.

On the bright side, I think it is something that people can grow out of if they believe that it is wrong. From the time I was an adult, I always knew that it was a senseless (immoral) waste of time but that I was somehow mesmerized by it and couldn’t let it go.

If she truly has a developed conscience, she will stop watching them when she has children old enough to make her think twice about what she is doing. But I do know moms with older children who still watch the shows anyway, and I can truly say that the children who watched with mom have turned out morally compromised. The programs today are much worse than they used to be.

To get myself off of them, I would try to schedule activities at 3pm so that I would have to miss my show. No Taping!!! Cold Turkey!!! But, I also agree with other people here who have said not to force the issue. It is an addiction and getting her to stop may be like getting an exorcism. If she is not ready, she will be very resentful. Living with it may be for the best for now if it can leave on its own later!

Good luck and God bless. But also look at what you watch on tv. If you watch something that could be considered senseless or immoral, maybe you could both give up the programs together. A compromise may seem very desirable to her.


#16

**
Oh there are definitely more “serious” deal breakers out there. But we can’t ignore the fact that, right or wrong, this IS bothering the OP. Just because it’s not as big a deal as religion or parenting styles doesn’t mean it won’t cause friction in a future marriage.

It is up to the OP to decide if this is a deal breaker for HIM. If it is, that may be immature or petty, but it is his life and he has the right to choose a spouse based on his preferences. Just as his girlfriend has a right to choose a spouse who suits her needs/likes/wants…

What one watches on tv, especially if it is not outwardly affecting their lives/values/opinions is a personal decision. She should be allowed, as an adult, to make her own choices. He as an adult also has the right to choose…
**
Malia


#17

Speaking of soaps, I’ve been watching Guiding Light for the past 30 years - and I am a devout Catholic who goes to Daily Mass. I am 62 years old and my daughter is out of house and not a soap fan even though she was around when I was watching. of course, 30 years ago the soaps were more family oriented and tamed. But Guilding Light is a hoot - some of the stories are so far fetched it is funny. But Guilding Light has a Catholic Priest on the show to straighten some of the characters out, and one of the older characters has become a minister. They recently had an abortion story showing the negativity of the abortion with the reactions of a devout Catholic family. If there are sex scenes (which GL is pretty low on, thank goodness), I fast forward. Anyway, as an older woman that’s my take on soaps.


#18

Thank you for the responses, they have all been most helpful. I feel though that I should have clarified better what I meant by “daytime tv”. I don’t really mean soap operas, but I probably should have said “primetime tv” (to me, anything that’s on before 10:00 at night is ‘daytime’). The shows I’m talking about are the ones that are on ABC during the week during primetime, shows like “Desperate Housewives” and “Big Shots”.


#19

I think this is a really interesting topic. I’ve been raised Catholic, but am just starting to really get back into being devoted to my religion and my beliefs. And for the past few years, I’ve watched shows like Desperate Housewives or Grey’s Anatomy or anything like that.

And now that I am turning my life more to God, I’ve realized that I don’t really like the message they are portraying as much. They don’t really provide too much entertainment for me anymore. Especially Desperate Housewives. I just get a little sick when I see the kind of people that live on Wisteria Lane.

Although I do think this is a touchy subject. You can’t really force someone to stop watching what they want on TV. But good luck! I hope it works out!


#20

Okay… those shows ARE awful.

So how about you sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch them with her! Yes! :thumbsup:

And make comments. Make your Catholic manly observations about them.

Then when she sees the show through your eyes, her response will tell you much more than we ever could about what you should do next.

She’ll either throw a couch cushion at you and tell you you are a judgmental pig. Or she’ll tell you “It’s just a tv show and it’s entertaining.” “Why is it entertaining to watch 40-something women behave like sex-obsessed tramps?” That’s always a great start for a conversation…

Or she’ll say “Wow. I never realized that’s how men think.” Maybe afterwards the shows will hold less amusement for her.

You can ask her “Is this a plotline you foresee living out in your own personal future?”

Random comments on their stupid clothes, how horrible they look trying to look 20 years younger, and the inanity of the dialogue may be a reality check for her. After all, who does she talk about these shows with? Her female friends who think it’s all really fun?

Melrose Place was the show when I was younger. Same idiocy. Then there was Sex and the City. Which I can’t turn off fast enough when it comes on after the news on reruns.

Maturity often takes the charm away from these shows. But they ARE of a different ilk than the daytime soaps. I find them offensive also and won’t let my daughters watch them.


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