Sex Outside of Marriage


#1

If having sex with someone to whom you aren't married is a mortal sin, then how does anyone get to heaven when you consider:

1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it;
2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

And let's face it, they aren't getting married at age 19 or 21 anymore.

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.


#2

[quote="aldentre, post:1, topic:320647"]
If having sex with someone to whom you aren't married is a mortal sin

[/quote]

Assumption #1

1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it;

Assumption #2

2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

Assumption #3

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

Assumption #4

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.

Why would you involve somebody you love in what is potentially a mortal sin? Is that what people who love each other do?


#3

[quote="aldentre, post:1, topic:320647"]
If having sex with someone to whom you aren't married is a mortal sin, then how does anyone get to heaven when you consider:

1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it;
2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

And let's face it, they aren't getting married at age 19 or 21 anymore.

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.

[/quote]

I agree mostly with what snarflemike said. Mortal sins can be forgiven, to start, and your three last premises are false.


#4

[quote="aldentre, post:1, topic:320647"]
1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it

[/quote]

Clearly this is judgemental for i myself have not done this and neither have 85.32% of my friends

2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

True and False: TRUE, in being that the majority of the world has such a degraded mind that it isn't consider sin anymore. And false, in being that I'm definitely 100% positive that people do confess this.

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

I'm emotionally stable. Do i have increasing hormone rages sometime? of course i do, im only a teenager.

And let's face it, they aren't getting married at age 19 or 21 anymore.

Well, greater life expectancy can be the cause of this. It creates a mind set that one can live for a while and get married later OR wait until after college because the student loans are killers.

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

Well, no because if you don't confess it, you are separated from the love and God and therefore are not able to receive certain graces.

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.

Just because it is for the "sake of humanity" doesn't make it right. Not everyone is going to heaven.


#5

“Strive to enter by the narrow door; for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able." (Luke 13:24)


#6

[quote="aldentre, post:1, topic:320647"]

. . . Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being. . .

[/quote]

Often times it involves using another person for some form of self gratification; this does bad things to one's emotional well-being.

What we truly need is love. Many women and men will have sex just to feel loved and cared for, simply to feel close to another person. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the act, that it provides the opposite. Again, not a good thing for our emotional state.


#7

Many people are overly-sexualized and have a hedonistic view of sexuality. There are loads of pornography addicts who use these images to fantasize and gratify themselves physically. They have become habitually impure and, like the alcoholic, cannot function well without that “fix”. To tell them that they need to reform their lives and wean off of this vice is like telling the heroin addict to just stop doing dope. They just look at you like you’re from another planet. The difference is heroin addiction is still seen for what it is: a debilitation. Sex addiction is not discussed even though it is rampant.

So when I hear people saying they can’t control themselves, I don’t see that as license for impurity, I see it as a symptom of societal decay.

We deny ourselves things all through out life. Athletes deny themselves junk food so they can be better at their sport. Heart attack victims deny themselves fatty foods that can re-glog their arteries. Parents don’t give their kids a ton of colas because it will rot their teeth out. Overweight people diet so as to lose weight. People who need a new car go without other luxuries (or necessities) to save up for that car (and it isn’t always the newest and best model, it may be used). So I don’t buy it when people say that they MUST have sex. While sex is a good that God has created for our ultimate salvation, it is not necessary for well-being. Think of all the priests, nuns, monks, and countless celibate saints throughout history. Who are we to say that their lives were less fulfilled. They achieved the ultimate goal of life: union with God in Heaven after death. That is because they realized that our physical nature and bodily impulses are to be subservient to our minds. We are not animals that are governed by instinct, we are men governed by our minds. We see right and wrong and we choose to act against lower instincts for the good of others and ourselves. Many of the Ten Commandments are obvious sacrifices of lower instincts for the growth of virtue in men. God wants us to realize that earthly gratification is not the end all be all, nor is it essential.

So, I don’t agree with the assumptions made in the OP’s argument that all people have had sex before marriage, none repent, and therefore all are damned. I think God writes his law on our hearts and there are many who heed it and find that life is so much more fulfilling when they are not so focused on themselves and their urges - but rather on making sacrifices of themselves for God and for other people.


#8

=aldentre;10550114]If having sex with someone to whom you aren't married is a mortal sin,

Not IF. It IS. Scripture is very clear on this.

then how does anyone get to heaven when you consider:1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it;

False. Some say that are but they are not. Some KNOW it is immoral and love God over self

2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

If they don't feel the need to repent then they are rejecting God's grace to repent..

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

Sex is not a need or necessary for emotional well-being. You have bought into secularism if you believe that

And let's face it, they aren't getting married at age 19 or 21 anymore.

There are many celibate single people

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

No. You cannot call yourself a "practicing" Catholic. How could you? You are a sinner in need of conversion. A young persons goal should be to find a mate that can help them get to heaven. That's what it is all about.

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.

Galatians 5:19-21:
”Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, idolatry, sorcery, jealousy, anger, selfishness, envy, drunkenness, …...I warn you as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God”

No one is tempted beyond their strength. God's grace is always there. God is also patient and He will give sufficient grace to help you abstain.


#9

Please refresh yourself on the 3 conditions for a sin to be mortal.


#10

I haven’t.


#11

[quote="snarflemike, post:9, topic:320647"]
Please refresh yourself on the 3 conditions for a sin to be mortal.

[/quote]

Sex outside marriage isn't grave matter?
Someone has sex outside of marriage against their will?
People don't have full knowledge that sex outside of marriage is immoral?

If they don't know that sex outside of marriage is immoral then why don't they? What does the Church teach on that?

1790 A human being must always obey the certain judgment of his conscience. If he were deliberately to act against it, he would condemn himself. Yet it can happen that moral conscience remains in ignorance and makes erroneous judgments about acts to be performed or already committed.

1791 This ignorance can often be imputed to personal responsibility. This is the case when a man "takes little trouble to find out what is true and good, or when conscience is by degrees almost blinded through the habit of committing sin." In such cases, the person is culpable for the evil he commits

Invincible ignorance can't always be claimed as an excuse. Right and wrong is written on our hearts. This is what is wrong with the world. Way too many excuses.


#12

[quote="aldentre, post:1, topic:320647"]
If having sex with someone to whom you aren't married is a mortal sin, then how does anyone get to heaven when you consider:

1- Just about every person you've ever met has done it;
2- Just about every person referenced in #1 would not truly repent for doing so.

Pretty much every person you meet will tell you that sex is a need, not to sustain one's own life, but for emotional well-being.

And let's face it, they aren't getting married at age 19 or 21 anymore.

Can someone be a practicing Catholic even though they've had sex outside of marriage and didn't go to confession every time they made love to their girlfriend or boyfriend?

For the sake of humanity and 99% of the folks you see in church, I pray that the answer is yes.

[/quote]

I waited till marriage. Plenty do.


#13

Thanks for the responses.

I'm not here to offend anyone but rather to gain some empathy with respect to the mindset.

Perhaps I should narrow it down further.

I understand the point about porn addiction & using other people solely for gratification. I was thinking more along the lines of a committed heterosexual relationship.

I'm trying to bring this into real life, where I'd say that the "narrow door" is so tight that only a tiny number of us could get in. Think of every person you know and then count how many of them didn't have sex when they weren't married.

As far as comparing depriving yourself of sex to not buying a luxury car or fancy furniture for your house, I submit to you that there's no comparison. If it were, then Ivy League schools would be getting 1000 times as many applications.

If your position is that only the tiny few who either haven't, or have and in their hearts repented, can go to heaven then my question is answered. Problem is, there just aren't many people in the world that can say that.

To the person who quoted Galatians 5:19-21, that verse discusses immorality but doesn't define what it is and isn't.


#14

=aldentre;10552558]Thanks for the responses.I'm not here to offend anyone but rather to gain some empathy with respect to the mindset.Perhaps I should narrow it down further. I understand the point about porn addiction & using other people solely for gratification. I was thinking more along the lines of a** committed** heterosexual relationship.

I'm not sure if you are a male or female or if you are a Christian. I am going to assume that you are male and you claim to be a Christian.
A committed relationship doesn't give anyone the go ahead to have sex outside of marriage. As a Christian you should know this. You and your girlfriend simply cannot put yourselves in the position to where sex is an option.
Do you love her? Does she love you? Is this just recreational sex? What does "committed" mean. Are you planning on marrying her? If yes then you should respect her enough to wait until you are married.
As a Christian you should know that God will give you and your girlfriend the grace to avoid giving in to your sexual urges. But you must act on that grace and not become a slave to this desire.

I'm trying to bring this into real life, where I'd say that the "narrow door" is so tight that only a tiny number of us could get in. Think of every person you know and then count how many of them didn't have sex when they weren't married.

Seems you are looking for approval by saying that everyone is doing it so it can't be wrong. You are obviously hanging around with the wrong people. Get involved with real Christians. People who love God more than sin. They are out there. If your girlfriend isn't on board with this then she isn't the one for you. Look for a person that can help you get to heaven. Is she that kind of person?

To the person who quoted Galatians 5:19-21, that verse discusses immorality but doesn't define what it is and isn't.

Here is another translation:"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness...I warn you as I warned you before, those who does such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Fornication includes sex outside of marriage .Please mediate on this passage:

1 Thessalonians. 4:3-8
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, **as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life**. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.”


#15

I understand the point about porn addiction & using other people solely for gratification. I was thinking more along the lines of a committed heterosexual relationship.

You are settling for much less than you could have if you were to marry.

Also, what is holding you back? It may not be so committed. How much of the relationship is love for one another and how much is self-interest?

To my mind the sin comes in where (sorry for triple negative) one does not say "no" to something that is not love. One says yes to love in marriage. The other aspect is that other lesser goods would be held higher than this expression of love for each other under God.


#16

My opinion is that many people have made mistakes in their youth, then matured and realized/learned that what they did was wrong, repented and confessed their sins and work to remain chaste, whether married(meaning faithful to their spouse) or single.
So I think that while many Catholics have sinned in that way, many also have repented and now lead virtuous lives.


#17

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#18

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