Sex with only one girl for 60 years scares me!


#1

I have been exclusive with the same girl for 8 years (married for the last 4 years). I am still attracted to her but not as much as I used to be. The advice that people usually give is to try new things to spice up your sex life but I think this will only get you so far.

I think girls are like ice cream and my wife is my favorite flavor of ice cream, vanilla. I can do all kinds of things with vanilla ice cream; put hot fudge on it, strawberries, make a milkshake, etc. But can I eat ONLY vanilla ice cream until I’m 80? Will I even like middle-aged vanilla ice cream, senior vanilla ice cream? I’ve done lots of different things with my vanilla ice cream over the past 8 years but I’m wanting to try different flavors of ice cream more and more.

I’m sure I am not the only one with this problem. What are your thoughts guys and girls? Advice from those who have had long/monogomous/great sex lives would be especially helpful!


#2

I suggest you begin by ceasing to speak about your wife in such a derogatory fashion.

Really- grow up.


#3

You’re past the lovey dovery phase of love. Now you’re entering into true love.

Meditate on God’s Love and you’ll come to a deeper understanding of love.


#4

I had to re-read the original post. And, yes, I agree- GROW UP, REILLY08. You make the Catholic single guys on here (most of whom would be grateful for the chance to be married) look like pigs. And you take it for granted, apparently? I suggest going to confession first chance you get. Seriously.


#5

Hopefully you planned ahead when you got married. Look into getting an annulment then shack up with someone else for awhile. You can always go back to you original wife latter if things don’t work out. Annulments have to be Catholics greatest invention. Well worth every penny.


#6

I’d be more scared of the STD’s running around because of promiscuity. I’ll take my ONE husband and go about my merry way. (Very merry, by the way:D )

Seriously, though. Does your wife know that you’re comparing her to ice cream? I’d be high-tailing to the priest. Pray, pray, pray. :slight_smile:


#7

I am a woman who has been married for 15 years. I saved myself for marriage, and I am glad I did; sex has never gotten boring for me!

C.S. Lewis once said “Aim at heaven and you will get earth “thrown in”; aim at earth and you will get neither.”

So to borrow that turn of phrase, I would say that if you aim for love, you will get better sex thrown in, but if you aim only at better sex, you will lose both – especially if your wife comes to feel that this is all you want from her, or that you will dump her if she doesn’t keep you satisfied.

It sounds trite but what you need to do is focus on building up a friendship with her – finding interests in common, finding out things about her or her interests that you didn’t know before – the way you would have done during a chaste courtship. You could even agree to abstain from sex, or at least not ask her for it, for a mutually agreed period of time – it might take the pressure off both of you and make sex better when you do go back to it.


#8

Amen.

I learned that when we both began striving for holiness, every aspect of our marriage improved.

Reilly, it is very disturbing to me the way you talk about your wife as an object whose only function is your personal gratification. Sounds like you need to examine yourself and learn what it means to be not only a husband, but also a man.


#9

My husband and I have been married for 30 years. We were virgins when we married, and have never been with anyone else.

Sex just gets better all the time!

We are now in our early 50s, overweight, and beset with various physical limitations (me more than my husband) and yet, our sex life is smokin’ hot.

Sex is a skill, like playing the piano, or cooking a dinner, or repairing an engine. The longer you do it, the more your skill improves, and that makes it more pleasurable.

If my husband and I had known back in our first ten years of marriage what we know now about sex, we would have literally died of pleasure while making love.

One of the “problems” we have with our sex life is that we’re so good at it now that it only takes about 20 minutes from start to finish–we wish our liasons could last longer!

I think that women specifically get better at having sex as they get older because they are more aware of what turns them on and brings them to orgasm, and also they learn how to give exquisite pleasure to their husband. And I think men improve also, as they learn to control themselves and wait to ejaculate until their wives are satisfied.

And as wonderful and precious as children and the child-rearing years are, I do think that as the children grow older and less dependent on Mom and Dad and leave home, it’s easier for Mom and Dad to relax in bed without falling asleep from sheer exhaustion the instant the head touches the pillow!

To the OP–one thing I would seriously advise you to do is to not dwell on these thoughts of “will I be satisfied for the next 60 years.” These are unhealthy thoughts, and may lead you away from the wife of your youth. Don’t allow yourself to think these thoughts ever again. Expunge them from your mind, just like the word “divorce” should not exist for you and your wife. I know that you’re just speculating and having a little fun, but don’t do it. This is not the kind of thing you should think about even in jest.

Instead, strive to give yourself to your wife a little bit more every day. From day to day, try to outdo yourself in demonstrating your love for her, and not just in bed. A wise husband learns that sex starts first thing in the morning, continues all day, and achieves its climax later in the day or at night. That’s how long it takes most women to be “ready” for sex–all day!

Something else to always be aware of is that there will be times in your marriage when you may not have sex at all. E.g., if one of you becomes seriously ill, or is injured, or clinically depressed, or if you have a child with a disability, or one or both of you has to work several jobs to make ends meet.

Your love must be strong enough to weather these hard times in your marriage. I am not saying that sex is unimportant–quite the contrary, if you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that I believe sex is what keeps a married couple from becoming just “best pals.” I think sex is extremely important to a marriage–but I also think that there is more to marriage than sex.

Read the first ten chapters or so of the book of Proverbs in the Bible, especially Proverbs 5: 18 b and 19–"…And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all time, be exhilarated always with her love."


#10

What should scare you is spending eternity in the oven. Seriously, you’re making your wife a sex object comparing her to ice cream. You don’t deserve her. This is coming from a man who has been with only one woman (my beautiful and loving wife) for 18 years. I wouldn’t know what other ice cream would taste like putting it in your words.


#11

My dearest Mother and Heavenly Family, I want to thank you for your love, grace, protection and direction. You are God’s gift to all of us on earth. Teach us to walk by faith. As we read God’s words assist us in obtaining wisdom and understanding and aid us in increasing our knowledge of scripture and in speaking God’s words into reality. Give us a desire to seek truth and practice our faith. Mother we ask this not only for ourselves, but also for our spouse, our children, our parents and our brothers and sister in Christ Jesus’ name. Mother please give us a heart like Yours; continue to assist us in our journey to the new heaven and earth; where Your son Jesus Christ will rule forever at the right hand of our Father and Creator. Mother we offer our prayer in union with the church for peace in the world; for the conversion of sinners; for the salvation of souls; for the sick and poor; for the gospel to be preached and excepted around the world; and for forgiveness of our sins. We thank You for saying yes to God’s call. We adore and praise Jesus Christ for dieing for our sins that allowed us to become the rightness of our God, sons, daughters and heirs of our Father’s kingdom. Amen.


#12

Based on OP’s later posts, I think he started this thread more to be vindictive towards his wife (or ex-wife) than anything else. If you are truly trying to patch things up with her, equating her with ice cream flavors is not really the best starting point. I’d suggest some counseling…


#13

I originally replied to your question but after re-reading it, I deleted because it wasn’t too nice of an answer. I’m going to try to answer your question in a more mature manner than your analogy.

First of all, I’ve been with the same woman for 18 years. She is the only woman I’ve ever been with. I couldn’t imagine comparing her to a flavor of ice cream. She is not a sex object. She is my wife. What should scare you is that you’re having these sinful thoughts and I would suggest that you go to confession immediately. If you love your wife, you would think more of her than just as a sex object.

To put it in other words: Vanilla is the only flavor I’ve ever had. I’ve do not know what other flavors taste like no do I have any interest in finding out. Adam and Eve just had to taste that other fruit that God told them to leave alone.


#14

After I read your other thread /poll, I see more to the story. I suggest you see a priest and counseling very soon.


#15

This sounds like part of the problem with the OP, I’m assuming that because he dated his now wife for 4 years, and because he seems rather sexually unrestrained that he was fornicating with her, and possibly even living in sin with her prior to marriage .

We already know that statistics indicate that those who do the aforesaid prior to marriage reach the end of the “honeymoon period” much quicker than those who don’t.

PS- It is so sweet and admirable that you waited for husband, and that both Cat and her husband were both virgins till marriage. :thumbsup::slight_smile:


#16

*Oh Reilly…you know, your post brings tears to my eyes. :frowning: I think that many people go through issues in their marriage…sometimes, they can be “bored” (the devil likes when we’re distracted)…even stray because they think the grass is greener or they’re missing something out there. You’re not alone in thinking your thoughts…but you have to fight those thoughts. Don’t let one mistake ruin a good thing with your wife.

It’s interesting that I read your thread right now…

I am sitting here watching the 9/11 footage, and I think to myself…thank you Lord, for my life. That I have my husband…that we are still here. Reilly, cherish your wife. Sexual feelings can come and go…love your wife, and cherish this moment…this day. Like 9/11, one day you’re going about life, and poof…it’s gone. Your loved one is gone.

Don’t ruin your marriage over wanting to “taste” mint icecream, or something. Be grateful you have found love, and blessed to be married. It’s more than many people get, you know.

God bless…I’ll be praying for you. *


#17

I’ve actually read his other thread, and it seems** his wife has been commiting adultery**…:frowning:


#18

:frowning:


#19

*Oh my gosh, I didn’t make the connection! I just relocated that other thread…

I have no memory anymore. :shrug:

I posted advice in that thread…thanks for reminding me, querying. :o*


#20

I read the OP on your Poll. Eye-opening.

You are both acting like TV characters. You are both dwelling too much on physical pleasure. Get RID of the idea that a husband and wife have to “feel” physically attracted to each other. You don’t. If you think that you will be physically attracted to each other forever, you won’t be. You have to feed the fire to keep it going. And you do not make love because it feels good (although it does). You make love because you want to be ONE with your spouse (unitive) and because you want to cooperate with God in creating a new life (procreative).

You both must immediately stop associating with members of the opposite sex. Don’t even LOOK at another woman, and she shouldn’t even look at another man, and don’t watch television or movies for a long time. Lock yourselves in your house/apartment and spend all your time (minus work and church) alone together. Look at each other.

You have to commit yourselves to EACH OTHER ALONE–absolutely NO PLAYING AROUND, flirting, dancing with, drinking with, partying with, just hanging out with, chatting with, going online with, even fantasizing about–ANYONE else. You exist only for your spouse.

And you have to work extremely hard on loving each other, and that means ACTION. Here’s an idea–one of you scrub the toilet, and the other scrub the dishes. The idea is that you are willing and cheerful about doing things for each other, even things that are very unpleasurable and boring. DO things with and for each other, and I don’t mean sex. It sounds like both of you have had enough sex for a while. You need to work on other projects together and make a LIFE together that takes place OUTSIDE the bed as well as in the bed.

Do not think about divorce or annulment ever again. You are toying with these thoughts, just as you toy with thoughts of having sex with another woman, or living the wild single life for a while. STOP IT! I don’t know how I can say it in a nice way. Stop these thoughts and live in REALITY, not fantasy.

Reality is extremely pleasant. You read my earlier post–do my chubby, middle-aged husband and me sound bored or lifeless? Do we feel that we’ve missed out on life by loving each other exclusively? Not at all. If I were allowed to, I could post a lot racier stuff about our lives together. YOU are the one who is missing out on a great life if you continue to flirt with living outside of your marriage. To use the ice cream analogy, it would be like giving up the ice cream and replacing it with coffee grounds or potato peelings. Why would you do such a thing?

**I would strongly suggest that you and your wife seek out a married, OLDER Christian couple to mentor you and your wife and help you both to learn to love each other like a man and a woman instead of a couple of TV or movie characters. **

I hope all this advice helps you and your wife to be a couple forever.


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